this week...not too hot. But we still need some rain.
Hope it's good were you are........
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My, what a big lap dog...
He looks like a good one....
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You don't wanna mess with that dog...
he'll sit on you...and he's heavy....
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You keep climbing up Mama's plant,
your gonna be in a heap of trouble...
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Yep! I wouldn't put my hand in there...
Any one got any bandaids??
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Break dancing cat.....keep on till you break something...
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Yep...friends now....but just wait!
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I don't like spiders....And just in case you didn't get it the first time,
I don't like spiders.....
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Now this is a cool building.....
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Thats the way It is all over....
Fix other peoples stuff, but let yours go....
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Hey....I'm glad someone does.......
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Well, time to climb into the way-back machine
and depart for places unknown....
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♥♥♥
~~ Pete was visiting Washington, DC for the first time. He wanted to see the Capitol building.
Unfortunately, he couldn't find it, so he asked a police officer for directions.
"Excuse me, officer, how do I get to the Capitol building?"
The officer replied, "Wait here at this bus stop for the number 54 bus.
It'll take you right there."
He thanked the officer and he drives off.
Three hours later the police officer returned to the same area and,
sure enough, Pete is still waiting at the same bus stop.
The officer got out of his car and said,
"Excuse me, but to get to the Capitol building, I said to wait here
for the number 54 bus.
That was three hours ago.
Why are you still waiting?"
Pete replied, "Don't worry, officer, it won't be long now.
The 45th bus just went by!"
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~~ The local newspaper funeral notice telephone operator
received a phone call.
A woman on the other end asked,
"How much do funeral notices cost?"
"$5.00 per word, Ma'am," came the response.
"Good, do you have a paper and pencil handy?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"OK, write this: 'Fred dead.'"
"I'm sorry, Ma'am; I forgot to tell you there's a five-word minimum."
"Hmmph," came the reply, "You certainly did forget to tell me that."
A moment of silence.
"Got your pencil and paper?"
"Yes, Ma'am."
"OK, print this: 'Fred dead, Cadillac for sale. "
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~~ All parents are proud of overachieving children,
and one father was no exception.
The bumper sticker on his car read.........
"My Kid Made Your License Plate."
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~~ On a crowded city bus one day,
I was charmed by a little red- haired girl who leaned on my
shoulder as she exclaimed to her mother,
who was standing in the aisle, at the wonders outside the window.
Obviously embarrassed by her child's presumption,
the woman told her daughter to
"please stop leaning on the nice lady."
I had a new appreciation for my full figure when the girl brightly
chirped, "That's okay, Mommy, she's comfy-cozy."
☼
~~ A singer named Waldick Soriano was singing a song called,
'I am not a dog' at an outdoor concert in Juarzeiro Do Norte,
Brazil, when a dog walked on stage wearing a sign that read,
'I am not Waldick Soriano.'
(Soriano was not amused and proceeded to insult the audience.
A brawl resulted and the singer fled to his hotel.)
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~~ A little boy walked up to the librarian to check out a book entitled
"COMPREHENSIVE GUIDE FOR MOTHERS."
When the librarian asked him if it was for his mother, he answered 'no.'
"Then why are you checking it out?"
"Because," said the little boy confidently,
"I just started collecting moths last month!"
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~~ The good girls keep the diaries the bad girls never have the time.
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~~ I was preparing to teach a college course on the history of
movie censorship and went to the library to take out films that
had been censored.
"Do you have any banned movies in your collection?"
I asked the librarian.
"Oh yes," she answered.
"We have some really good ones.
What would you like: Tommy Dorsey? Glenn Miller?"
☼
~~ How do you mean, you had to explain the cricket match
to your wife?
She found out I wasn't there.
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~~ Father: "I know the answer to your bad grades.
You're spending too much time watching television."
Son: "I'm sorry, you'll have to phrase that in the form of a question."
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~~ A mother of two teenage boys, was constantly being
asked to look for things they couldn’t find.
Most of the time these items were directly in front of them.
Seeing her frustration over this when it happened yet again,
one of her sons remarked: "It’s not my fault, Mom.
I don’t have parental vision."
☼
~~ Pete addressed the ball and took a magnificent
swing but something went wrong and a horrible slice resulted.
The ball went onto the adjoining fairway and hit a man full force.
He dropped like a ton of bricks!
Pete and his partner, Gus, ran up to the stricken victim who lay,
quite unconscious, with the ball between his feet.
"Good heavens!" exclaimed Pete. "What should I do?"
"Don't move him!" cautioned Gus.
"If we leave him here he becomes an immovable obstruction
and you can either play the ball as it lies or drop it two club
lengths away."
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~~ One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a
wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct.
Not more than five minutes later, I heard her reporting to the
rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
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~~ You're in incredible shape," the doctor said.
"How old are you again?"
"I am 78." The man said.
"78?" asked the doctor.
"How do you stay so healthy?
You look like a 60 year old."
"Well, my wife and I made a pact when we got married
that whenever she got mad she would go into the kitchen
and cool off and I would go outside to settle down."
the man explained.
"What does that have to do with it?" asked the doctor.
"I spent a lot of time in the great outdoors."
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Todays Thought: Once you reach the top of your ladder of success, remember those who held it while you climbed.
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1 comment:
we are tinder dry here as well weather in 30ies all wk. no rain lots of forests fires.
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