Even that fellow over the mountain......
Been a little warm, but a nice day....
Just been hanging out.....
☼
Some pretty clouds...over a local dairy farm....
☼
Well, she's got her lunch packed...ready to travel.
☼
Oh, my goodness.. I haven't see a moe cut in years...
☼
Buck up Friend.....You will laff at this picture years from now....
But you do look funny....
☼
Weeeeeeeee.....
☼
This little pig has mudphobia....
I bet it's hard walking in them boots.
☼
Smart Cat??
I like the Bow tie....looks cool.
☼
This on is ready for the big game....
☼
We see you do...Just don't get in front of that footballer!!
☼
Now, I just don't know about this picture.
My guess is "A Redneck EasterBunny"??
(pink LongJohns??")
☼
Wake up the guard so I can go.....
☼
☼
♥♥♥
~~ An old man who'd lived frugally and was thought to be poor finally died, and per the instructions in his will,
his executor threw a lavish party for all his friends and neighbors.
The funeral, too, spared no expense, with six rented horses
pulling the hearse, each **Horse** bedecked with
gardenias.
flown in at great expense from a warmer climate.
Aretha Franklin was hired as the soloist at the funeral
and again at graveside, where, still in accordance with the
instructions in the will, the deceased was interred with
six casks of the finest brandy.
"Who's paying for all this?" someone finally asked.
"There was a fund," the executor replied.
"He'd made provisions for it all... lock, stock, and burial."
☼
~~ Doctor: "That's a big slash cut on your head.
How did that happen?"
Man: "My wife hit me with some tomatoes."
Doctor: "That's incredible, I can't imagine how any
tomatoes would make a cut like that."
Man: "They were still in a can."
☼
~~ One of my students could not take my college
seminar final exam because of a funeral.
"No problem," I told him.
"Make it up the following week."
That week came, and again he couldn't take the
test due to another funeral.
"You'll have to take the test early next week,"
I insisted.
"I can't keep postponing it."
"I'll take the test next week if no one dies,"
he told me.
By now I was suspicious.
"How can you have so many people you know
pass away in three weeks?" I asked.
"I don't know any of these people," he said,
"but I'm the only gravedigger in town."
☼
~~ I got stuck in a traffic jam while commuting into
C-ville one day.
The woman in the SUV in front of me took full
advantage of the slowdown.
She whipped out her eyebrow pencil, lip gloss and
a mirror, applying the finishing touches on her face
in the ten minutes it took us to creep through the Traffic.
Finally, the traffic broke up and as she zoomed away,
I caught a glimpse of her vehicle's license plate:
NTRL BTY.
☼
~~ You're charged with driving at eighty miles
per hour on a highway.
But I wasn't going at anything like that speed!
Were you doing sixty?
No!
Thirty?
No!
Twenty?
No!
OK, fined $100 for parking on a highway....
☼
~~ Our community college was having their annual
writers' conference.
The theme of the conference was 'Writing:
For the Sell of It'.
When I called a widely published author and asked him
to be our keynote speaker, my request was met with a
long silence.
He finally said, "I don't know what I would say to that
audience."
"You're just being modest," I replied.
"I'm sure you're extremely qualified to speak on that
subject."
He suddenly broke into laughter.
"I thought you said, 'Writing for the Celibate!'"
☼
~~ The basketball coach stormed into the university
president's office and demanded a raise right then and there.
"Please," protested the college president,
"you already make more than the entire History department."
"Yeah, maybe so, but you don't know what I have to put up
with," the coach blustered. "Look."
He went out into the hall and grabbed a jock who was
jogging down the hallway.
"Run over to my office and see if I'm there," he ordered.
Twenty minutes later the jock returned, sweaty and out of
breath.
"You're not there, sir," he reported.
"See what I mean?" the coach said, scratching his head.
"He could have phoned!"
☼
~~ My husband has brought some magic back into our
marriage.
He disappeared.
☼
~~ Ode to the Fart......
At times it is silent, at times it is not
at times it sneaks out and burns oh so hot!
When you'd like it to happen, it just won't come out
it hides and it waits till you're out and about!
The evil ones reek and embarrass us so
then laugh as they trail us wherever we go!
I know it's a function we can't live without,
but on a first date must they really come out??
Men light them on fire - it amuses them so
women fight to be quiet so that no one will know.
I can't figure why after eating good food
the smell that results could kill many a dude!
So here's to the fart, our warm smelly friend
you begin in my tummy, then come out my rear-end!
☼
~~ Steven Tyler of Aerosmith has signed on to become
a judge on “American Idol.”
Fox is taking a good lead singer away from singing to
help them find a bad singer.
☼
~~ As I was walking through a variety store,
I stopped at the pet department to look at some parakeets.
In one cage a green bird lay on his back,
one foot hooked oddly into the cage wire.
I was about to alert the saleswoman to the bird's plight
when I noticed a sign taped to the cage:
"No, I am not sick.
No, I am not dead.
No, my leg is not stuck in the cage.
I just like to sleep this way."
☼
☼
Todays Thought: "You can't depend on your eyes when your imagination is out of focus." (Mark Twain)
+~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~^~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~+
No comments:
Post a Comment