The other is in cyber space somewere.... I guess blogger has the hiccups
this morning..... Damn....lost 12 great jokes!
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Got some pics last night......
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You better hope he doesn't get hungry...
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A great cake....
Cool...Huh?
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Wow...A big Rattler....
I'm glade we don't have any here....
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An't he a cutie?
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Web cam kitty.....
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she thought that was a funny looking cat!
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Dancing cats??
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A funny looking tread.....
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Not as bad as yours.....Hopefully
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Well...time to leave.....
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~~ You can pick out actors by the glazed look that comes into their eyes when the conversation wanders away from themselves. - Michael Wilding -
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~~ Director: Right, you've been stranded alone on
a desert island for ten years.
One day you're strolling along the beach and, to your
surprise and delight, you meet a young blonde woman
emerging from the sea.
You take her in your arms and begin to kiss her
passionately...
Actor: OK, OK, but what's my motivation?
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~~ Chester: Maria thinks I'm scary-looking
Hector: Why do you say that?
Chester: Because the only time she looks at me is
when she has hiccups.
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~~ British actor Sean Bean hit the headlines as the sexy
groundsman Mellors, servicing Joely Richardson in
Ken Russell's remake of "Lady Chatterley's Lover".
Bean tells the story of how the couple were asked to
frolic naked across a field.
Fear not, said Russell, there's a ten-foot wall around us..
no one will see.
So they frolicked naked, only to be mortified as a packed
double- decker bus sailed past.
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~~ Q: What do you call a cow spying on another cow?
A: A steak out.
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~~ There is the story of a pastor who got up one Sunday
and announced to his congregation:
"I have good news and bad news.
The good news is, we have enough money to pay for
our new building program.
The bad news is, it's still out there in your pockets."
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~~ An old plumber went to his customer's house and
knocked on her door.
Inside, a parrot said, "Who is it?"
"It's the plumber, lady," he answered.
A few seconds later again the parrot said, "Who is it?"
The plumber, really pissed, said, "It's the plumber, lady!"
"Who is it?" Again, the parrot.
Totally enraged, "IT'S THE PLUMBER, LADY!"
"Who is it?" One more time from the bird.
The plumber turned bright red, clutched his chest, and
then dropped dead of a heart attack.
When the old lady of the house returned home and espied
the dead man on her porch, she said,
"I wonder who this is lying dead at my front door?"
"It's the plumber, lady."
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~~ "When you look at a good Ansel Adams photograph,
you think you know the temperature, the relative humidity,
and the month."
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~~ My son crawled for the first time while I was away
on exercises.
I also missed Harry's first steps and was afraid an
upcoming course would cause me to miss his first words.
Each day, I called home and asked if he had spoken yet.
The answer was always “no” until my wife said Harry had
something to say to me.
“Daddy, daddy,” I heard over the phone, and glowed
with pride.
My wife came back on the line and said,
“You should come home as soon as possible.”
“Why?” I asked........
“Harry was speaking to the dog.”
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~~ Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate of mine
aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan,
was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty
for three weeks.
Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday
on July 22, he consoled himself every night during his
extra duty by reciting,
"They can bust me, they can fine me...
but they can't take away my birthday."
As July 22 approached, his excitement increased.
When he went to bed on July 21, he happily repeated:
"They can bust me, they can fine me...
but they can't take away my birthday."
The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed
the International Date Line...and it was July 23
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~~ I rented the DVD,"Snakes on a Plane", my mistake,
I thought it was about lawyers going to a convention!
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~~ One sunday morning a man says to his wife,
"I've just been told that the postman has slept with every
woman in this street except one, can you believe that?"
His wife replied "Yeah, I bet it's that stuck up cow at
number 32!"
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~~ While practicing auto-rotations during a military night
training exercise, a Huey Cobra messed up and landed on
its tail rotor so hard that it broke off the tail boom.
Fortunately, however, the chopper remained upright on its
skids, as it slid down the runway, turning in circles.
As the Cobra slid past the tower, trailing a brilliant shower
of sparks, this was the radio exchange that took place...
Tower: "Sir, do you need any assistance?"
Cobra: "I don't know, Tower. We ain't done crashin' yet!"
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Todays thought: To understand politics............ we must read between the lies.
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