some great weather...
Going down the road, I see the corn has perked up...
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I see he's got his breakfast......
Looks like he needs help.....
call the cats....
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Oh, wait their hunting.....or trying to work a deal.....
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Looks like he's googling, this morning.....
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This guy has nothing better to do......
8 card on the 9 card......
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Oh, no...not the dreaded support....
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What can you say??
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He's packed up his puter and moving on......
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A rock and roll, cat....??
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Eno, will try anything.....
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I gotta finish my beer, so I can get going....
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Well, off we go, and hope the man don't stop me....
and smell beer on my breath....
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No....just joking around.........
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♥♥♥
~~ Pete sat in a car wash for three hours one day because he thought it was raining too hard to drive.
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~~ Q: How do you keep someone in suspense?
A: Oh, I'll tell you tomorrow!
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~~ I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls.
They always say because it's such a beautiful animal.
There you go.
I think my mother is attractive,
but I have photographs of her. --Ellen DeGeneres
☼
~~ My six-year-old daughter, Katelin, and I were in the
kitchen preparing to make some maple candy when I
pulled out the candy thermometer.
Katelin glanced at the odd-looking instrument and asked,
"What is it?"
I told her what it was, to which she asked in awe,
"You have a thermometer that can measure how much
candy is in me?"
☼
~~ The truck driver looked suspiciously at the soup he
had just been served in the 29 truck stop.
It contained dark flecks of seasoning floating in it,
but two of the spots looked very suspicious.
"Hey," he called out to the waitress, "these particles in
my soup - aren't they foreign objects?"
She scrutinized his bowl.
"No, sir!" she reassured him.
"Those things live around here."
☼
~~ Tourists say some odd things when they charter my
boat in Key West.
"How many sunset sails do you have at night?" asked one.
Another wondered, "Does the water go around the island?"
But the most interesting came when I asked a customer
why she'd brought along a dozen empty jars.
She answered, "I want to take home a sample of each
color of water that we'll be going in."
☼
~~ As the soldier drove up to the Air Force base gate,
the solder, who was on security detail at the time,
had an inkling that the driver might have had a few.
What gave him away?
The guy thought he was at a tollbooth and handed
the guard a five dollar bill.
☼
~~ Why do all Iraqi soldiers carry a piece of sandpaper?
They need a map.
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~~ A few nights ago a few friends and I were in a bar,
telling all the polish jokes we knew; boy what a feast!
Anyway, I ducked into the restroom to sprinkle the old
porcelain.
While I was in there, this big guy came in and said to me,
"Hey pal, I'm Polish and I don't like you telling all those
Polish jokes!"
So I said, "Well, they're not against you, pal, just against
anyone in Poland."
"My mother is in Poland!"
He screams, and pulls out a razor.
Boy was I scared! I was sure he would have killed me
if he had found a place to plug it in!
☼
~~ a baby Polar bear asks his dad if he is a real Polar bear.
His dad replies: yes you are son, why do you ask??
the baby Polar bear says: Cause I'm freezing my butt off.
☼
~~ Nothing seems to dim my 13-year-old son's sense
of humor.
And he's certainly not above being the butt of his own joke.
Shortly after he was diagnosed with attention deficit
disorder (ADD), he threw this at me:
"Hey, Dad -- how many ADD children does it take to change
a light bulb?"
"I give up," I said.
"Let's go ride our bikes."
☼
~~ "Pardon me, lady," said the man trying to get
back to his seat in the darkened movie theater,
"but did I step on your toes a few minutes ago?"
"You certainly did!" said the woman in the aisle seat.
"Good, then I'm in the right row," the man said as he
went back to his seat.
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Todays thoughts: "Good Life starts only when you stop wanting a better One"
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