#986

Well, Another hot...hot day.... Broke the record yesterday...
Gonna be hotter today.....
Stay cool !!!
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Tried to get a good pictures of the Hummers, but

The phone doesn't take good pics.

Can you see him.....?

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Lazy day??

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I got a cage that will hold him.....

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"I bequeath my wealth to no man or dog. Bury me in my bandana."

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Having fun , are ya?

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"Come closer, dear friend. With my final breath, let me bark the sweet scent of Alpo and cat poop upon your face."

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Do you know what your talking about??

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What a magician....huh?

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I don't have any Demons!!

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You know....I believe this.......

Washington and Mexico against Ariz.

To me thats a crime......

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♥♥♥

~~ Visiting his parents' retirement village in Florida, my

middle- aged friend, Tom, went for a swim in the community
pool while his elderly father took a walk.
Tom struck up a conversation with the only other person in
the pool, a five-year-old boy.
After a while, Tom's father returned from his walk and called
out, "I'm ready to leave."
Tom then turned to his new friend and announced that he had
to leave because his father was calling.
Astonished, the wide-eyed little boy cried, "You're a kid?"

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~~ It was a cold morning and my car wouldn't start.
Sleet pelted my hands as I lifted the hood and reached in.
Then the heavy hood slammed down on my fingers!
The pain was nearly unbearable.
I screamed for help but no one lived close by.
My husband, Dave was fast asleep after a long night shift.
My body started to shake, and I felt faint.
"Lord" I shouted. "You said you'd always help me, and I need
help right now!"
An answer came to me: Knottie, my elderly shih tzu, blind and
almost completely deaf, was inside the house.
"Knottie!" I screamed. "Go get Daddy!"
Suddenly Dave ran out the back door.
He opened the hood and rushed me to the doctor.
"I've never in my life heard Knottie make such a racket,"
Dave said later.
"He wouldn't let me be until I followed him to the back door,
where I could hear you calling for help" Knottie of course, got
plenty of treats when we came home.

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~~ The lawyer approached the jury box and began an
eloquent plea for her client:
"Ladies and gentlemen of the jury, I want to tell you about
this man.
There's so much to say that is good: he never beat his
wife; he was always kind to little children; he never did
a dishonest thing in his life; he has always lived by the
golden rule;
he is a model of everything decent, forthright, and honest.
Everyone loves him and. . . "
Her client leaned over to a friend and said,
"How do like that?
I pay her good money to defend me, and she's telling
the jury about some other guy."

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~~ While on a backpacking trip, a man gets lost.
After 5 days, he's close to starving.
Finally he shoots a bald eagle, cooks it and eats it.
Uh-oh. Here comes Fish & Game.
The man is arrested and goes before a judge the next day.
After he explains his predicament, the judge agrees to let him
off with a warning.
"But tell me," the judge says, "I'm just curious.
How did it taste?"
"Well," the man says, "like a cross between a whooping crane
and a spotted owl."

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~~ They know, they just know where to grow, how to dupe
you, and how to camouflage themselves among the perfectly
respectable plants, they just know, and therefore, I've
concluded weeds must have brains.

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~~ The Committee for the Reduction of Redundancy and the
Antiproliferation of Repetition has decided not to meet until
They have their first meeting and thus will not be meeting until
the first time.
Their Pre-meeting Statement wanted to make this clear before
they had their first meeting, so that it would not be confusing.
So their first meeting will actually be their first meeting and
they will not have a meeting before the first meeting.
This should avoid having people show up for their first meeting
before it is held, since to do so would be confusing to those
who did so and this is what they want to avoid by reducing the
confusion and lessening the repetition.

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~~ It was a sweltering summer day in southern California and
I was making a quick stop at the grocery store.
When I got out of my car, though, I heard someone crying.
I followed the sound and found a terrified, sobbing woman.
She had locked her keys in the car with her baby inside.
I called the police but they couldn't say how soon they would arrive.
The baby's face was turning red as he screamed inside
the hot car.
We had to get him out of the car now.
Impulsively, I pulled out my own keys.
I slipped the door key to my Pontiac Firebird into the lock of
the woman's Toyota. Slowly, I turned the key, and the lock
flipped open!
People have told me the odds of my key fitting were one in a
million.

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~~ During lunch break a nurse was drawing some signs for
her mother's yard sale.
The posters read SENIOR CITIZENS' SALE.
Glancing at the sign, a passing co-worker remarked, "I'll take
two if they babysit."

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~~ Trust is a very important factor for all relationships.
When trust is broken, it is the end of the relationship.
Lack of trust leads to suspicion, suspicion generates anger,
anger causes enmity and enmity may result in separation.
A telephone operator told me that one day she received a
phone call.
She answered, "Public Utilities Board."
There was silence.
She repeated, "PUB."
There was still no answer.
When she was going to cut off the line, she heard a lady's
voice, "Oh, so this is PUB.
Sorry, I got the number from my Husband's pocket but I do
not know whose number it is."
Without mutual trust, just imagine what will happen to the
couple if the telephone operator answered with just "hello"
instead of "PUB".

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~~ I should have taken my glasses with me!
Yesterday my wife asked why I didn't do something useful
with my time.
She suggested I go down to the senior center and hang out
with the guys.
I did this and when I got home last night I told her that I had
joined a parachute club.
She said "Are you nuts? You're almost 70 years old and
you're going to start jumping out of airplanes?"
I proudly showed her that I even got a membership card.
She said to me, "You idiot, where are your glasses!
This is a membership to a Prostitute Club, not a Parachute
Club!"
I'm in trouble again and don't know what to do!
I signed up for five jumps a week!
Life as a senior citizen is not getting any easier.

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~~ There is a new study just released by the American
Psychiatric Association about women & how they feel about
their asses.
The results are pretty shocking:
1. Only 5% of women surveyed feel their ass is too big.
2. 10% of women surveyed feel their ass is too small.
3. The remaining 85% say they don't care; they love
him, he's a good man and they would have married him anyway..