☼
Breakfast anyone?....
☼
He thought that was funny.....
☼
Someone's in a heap of trouble!....
☼
Just checking to see if she ate the possum.....
☼
Time to shave them whiskers off?
☼
What can I say??
☼
It's stopped up...anyone got a plunger??
☼
~~~~~~~~~~~~
☼
Now you know where I live......
☼
♥♥♥
☺
~~ Gus and Pete went into a diner that looked as though it had seen
better days.
As they slid in to a booth, Gus wiped some crumbs from the seat.
Then he took a napkin and wiped some mustard from the table.
The waitress, in a dirty uniform, came over and asked if they wanted
some menus.
"No thanks," said Gus, "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."
"I'll have black coffee, too," Pete said.
"And please make sure the cup is clean."
The waitress shot him a nasty look.
She turned and marched off in to the kitchen.
Two minutes later, she was back.
"Two cups of black coffee," she announced.
"Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"
☼
~~ Census time, ladies and gentlemen.
President Obama filled out his Census.
I felt bad for the guy.
Like he needs another reminder that he lives with his mother-in-law.
~David Letterman
☼
~~ While waiting for the presidential press conference to begin,
the reporter approached a man standing alone in a corner.
"So," said the journalist, "have you heard the latest joke about the
president?"
The man pinned him with a steely gaze.
"Before you tell it, I must inform you that I work for the White House."
"Thanks for the warning," rejoined the reporter. "I'll tell it slowly."
☺
~~ Top ten signs you bought a bad computer
10. Lower corner of screen has the words "Etch-a-sketch" on it.
9. It's celebrity spokesman is that "Hey Vern!" guy.
8. In order to start it, you need some jumper cables and a friend's car.
7. It's slogan is "Pentium: redefining mathematics".
6. The "quick reference" manual is 120 pages long.
5. Whenever you turn it on, all the dogs in your neighborhood start
Howling.
4. The screen often displays the message, "Ain't it break time yet?"
3. The instruction manual contains only one sentence: "Good Luck!"
2. The only chip inside is a Dorito.
1. You've decided that your computer is an excellent addition to your
fabulous paperweight collection.
☺
~~ Fashion is something that goes in one era and out the other.
☼
~~ When a friend's mother was hospitalized, we decided to lift her spirits
by smuggling in her toy poodle for a visit.
I wrapped the dog in an infant blanket and nervously carried the "baby"
against my shoulder down the corridor.
Into the elevator we went, without a peep from the dog.
But just as we reached our floor, she popped her head out of the blanket
and panted into the face of the well-dressed man beside me.
Grinning, he quipped, "Takes after her father, right?"
☺
~~ I was walking to lunch with my friend Phil and discussing the need
to start an exercise program.
A mutual friend, Pete, joined us on the walk and after listening to Phil
and I talk about fitness, Pete said, "I'm exercising every day."
"You're exercising?" we asked. "Daily?"
"Yeah!" he replied.
"I swim after work on Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays.
And I run on Tuesdays and Thursdays."
We stopped walking, and I asked Pete, "How long have you been
doing this?"
"Oh, I don't start until next week!" he replied.
☼
~~ We were eating at one of the trendier restaurants in town when
my friend pointed to the menu and told the waitress, "I'll have the 24."
"Uh, Jim," I whispered, "that's the price, not the meal number."
"Oh," he said. "Then give me the 12."
☼
☼
Todays Thought: A true friend never gets in your way unless you happen to be going down.
◄(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)▼(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)(ºOº)►
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