waiting for the rain and snow......
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I'd rather have my bacon with a couple eggs....
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I just don't know about the bacon icecream.....
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Swim faster....buddy!!
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Potty to go??....
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Do you can't use it......
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I'll tell ya, my butt would be eating the seat....
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Yep....too lazy to move it.....
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A cool tree house..want to rent ??
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Hey, hey...beers bad for birds......
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Well, I guess it's time to leave.....
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♥♥♥
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~~ I worked as a cashier at a local drugstore.
Well, one afternoon, while I was working at the drug counter,
a woman came in and dropped off 3 prescriptions to be filled.
Later, she came back, and wanted to pick up the prescriptions,
(they were for her husband).
Two of the prescriptions were ready, with the third stapled to the bag.
The pharmacist had already told me about this one.
"Here you go, we were only able to fill two of the prescriptions," I said.
"Why can't you fill the other one?" she said.
"I'm sorry, we don't carry that one," I said.
"Well, can you order it?"
"No."
"Well where can I get it filled?"
"I'm afraid you will have to go to the hospital to get it filled."
"Why? What's it for?"
"A chest X-ray."
☺
~~ I wonder if Volkswagen dealers ever had a problem with the
Volkswagen Fox chasing the Volkswagen Rabbit?
☺
~~ New market terms.....................................
CEO --Chief Embezzlement Officer
CFO-- Corporate Fraud Officer.
BULL MARKET--A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius.
BEAR MARKET--A 6 to 18 month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex.
VALUE INVESTING--The art of buying low and selling lower.
P/E RATIO--The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing.
BROKER--What my broker has made me.
STANDARD & POOR--Your life in a nutshell.
STOCK ANALYST--Idiot who just downgraded your stock.
STOCK SPLIT--When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves.
FINANCIAL PLANNER--A guy whose phone has been disconnected.
MARKET CORRECTION--The day after you buy stocks.
CASH FLOW-- The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet.
YAHOO--What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share.
WINDOWS--What you jump out of when you're the sucker who bought Yahoo @ $240 per share.
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR--Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse.
PROFIT--An archaic word, no longer used.
☺
~~ A man arrives at the gates of Heaven.
St. Peter asks, "Religion?"
"Methodist," the man says.
St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to Room 24, but be very
quiet as you pass Room 8."
Another man arrives at the gates of Heaven.
"Religion?"
"Go to Room 18, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
A third man arrives at the gates.
"Religion?"
"Jewish."
"Go to Room 11, but be very quiet as you pass Room 8."
The man says, "I can understand there being Different rooms for
different religions, but why must we all be quiet when we pass Room 8?"
"Well, the Catholics are in Room 8," St. Peter replies, "and they think
they're the only ones here."
☺
~~ TEACHER: "You mustn't fight, Harry.
You should learn to give and take"
Gus: I did, sir.
He took my Mars bar and I gave him a black eye!"
☺
~~ Not realizing our mother had left some leftover turkey in our oven's
broiler, my sister, 19, turned the oven on to bake cookies.
Once the oven was hot, she put in the cookies and came back to check
on them ten minutes later.
When she pulled open the oven door, flames shot out and my sister
shouted, "Mom! Fire!" as she closed the door.
Immediately our mother called the fire department and rushed all of us
out of the house.
The firefighters were over in a flash and they quickly hosed the oven
down with some foam, then helped us clear the house of smoke.
As one of the young firemen was leaving, he turned to my mother and
said, "Your daughter is cute. I would ask her out, but I only date women
who can cook."
☺
~~ You know....One mistake that our pioneer forefathers made was to
locate the cities so far from the airports.
☺
~~ Mrs. Jamison was reading a letter at breakfast.
Suddenly she looked up suspiciously at her husband.
"Henry," she said, "I've just received a letter from mother saying she
isn't accepting our invitation to come and stay, as we do not appear to
want her.
What does she mean by that?
I told you to write and say that she was to come at her own convenience.
You did write, didn't you?"
"Er, yes, I did," said the husband.
"But I, I couldn't spell 'convenience,' so I made it 'risk."
☺
~~ COFFEE, CHOCOLATE, MEN...SOME THINGS ARE JUST
BETTER RICH.
☺
~~ Customer-service reps repeat the same tired phrases so often
that we can do the job in our sleep.
We hear a beep telling us a customer's on the line, and we're on.
I never knew how this humdrum routine affected us until a co-worker
had heart surgery.
She was coming to, following her operation, when she heard the beep
of the heart monitor.
In her anesthetized stupor, she groggily said, "This is Sue.
Can I help you?"
☺
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Todays Thought: The colder the X-ray table, the more body is required on it.
☺
(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)¤(ºOº)o(ºOº)o(ºOº)(ºOº)
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