#881

Good Morning....Friends and Neighbors.....
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I'm waiting for my Bacon.....

I am a "B" what are you??

Pete likes corn cobs...he's a red neck.....ha-ha

Pete's red neck hot tub......

All right, lets move along......

Help...help...Pete Bring T-paper.......

Pete, sent me a gift....I'm scared to open......

Damn, missed the turn, with his Million dollar car......

fish like bugs....but not that kind.....

No....tomorrow is.......go back to sleep.

This is a bad time for a repo.....damn.

Hey...Pete want to ride my bike with me??

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♥♥♥

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~~ Pete goes into a grocery store, and asks for a package

of toilet paper.
The clerk offers him 3 kinds, Charmin, Best Brand, and Generic.
Pete takes the generic.
He comes back in a week later, throws the remainder of the toilet paper
at the store clerk and says, "I don't want no cheap John Wayne toilet
paper!"
The clerk laughs and says, "It's not John Wayne toilet paper,
it's GENERIC toilet paper."
Pete tells him, 'You can call it whatever you want, but it's
rough, tough, and won't take crap off nobody!"

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~~ An elderly lady was well known for her faith and for her boldness
in talking about it.
She would stand on her front porch and shout PRAISE THE LORD!
Next door to her lived an atheist who would get so angry at her
proclamations he would shout, "There ain't no Lord!!"
Hard times set in on the elderly lady and she prayed to God to send
her some assistance.
She stood on her porch and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD, GOD,
I NEED FOOD!
I AM HAVING A HARD TIME.
PLEASE LORD SEND ME SOME GROCERIES!"
The next day the lady went out on her porch and noted a large bag of
groceries, and shouted, "PRAISE THE LORD!"
The neighbor jumped from behind the bushes and said,
"Ha..Ha. I told you there was no Lord.
I bought those groceries, God didn't."
The lady started jumping up and down and clapping her hands and
saying, "Praise the Lord. He not only sent me groceries,
but He made the devil pay for them!"

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~~ It was a stifling hot day and a man fainted in the middle of a busy
intersection.
Traffic quickly piled up in all directions, so a woman rushed to help him.
When she knelt down to loosen his collar, a man emerged from the
crowd, pushed her aside, and said, "It's all right honey,
I've had a course in first aid."
The woman stood up and watched as he took the ill man's pulse and
prepared to administer artificial respiration.
At this point she tapped him on the shoulder and said,
"When you get to the part about calling a doctor, I'm already here."

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~~ Wise old American Indian reflects on Daylight Savings Time:
"Only white man would believe you could cut off top of blanket,
sew it to bottom of blanket, and have longer blanket."

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~~ In 1918 the novelist James Branch Cabell received a fan letter
from a high school student struggling with a class assignment.
"I have chosen you as my favorite author," the student wrote.
"Please write to me immediately and tell me why."

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~~ A Catholic wanted to convert to Judaism.
After studying the faith for six months, he was ready to convert but his
local rabbi informed him: "Before you can become a fully-fledged Jew,
you have to pass a test.
I conduct the test and my fee for doing so is $3,000."
"Three thousand dollars!
That's a lot of money just for a test. How about $300?"
"Congratulations!" said the rabbi, "You've passed!"

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~~ Q: Why can't you borrow money from a leprechaun?
A: Because they're always a little short.

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~~ A man went to the Police Station wishing to speak with the burglar
who had broken into his house the night before.
"You'll get your chance in court," said the Desk Sergeant.
"No, no, no!" said the man.
"I want to know how he got into the house without waking my wife.
I've been trying to do that for years!"

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~~ Two Jewish men are sitting in a cafe.
One asks, "So what's new?"
The second replies, "My son -- my pride and joy -- has decided to
become a Catholic."
The first replies, "Funny you should mention it -- ten years ago my son
did exactly the same thing!"
So they decide to go to the synagogue and talk with the Rabbi.
They tell the Rabbi their plight, and the Rabbi says,
"Funny you should mention it. 25 years ago, my son did the same thing.
As you can see, it did not change my faith."
So they decide to pray.
Halfway through the first prayer, the first man blurts out,
"Dear G-d! My son has left the faith and become a Catholic!"
And a big booming voice from above says,
"Funny you should mention it ...."

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~~ The blonde went to an eye doctor to have her eyes checked for
glasses.
The doctor directed her to read various letters with the left eye while
covering the right eye.
The blonde was so mixed up on which eye was which that the eye
doctor in disgust took a paper sack with a hole to see through,
and put it on her head to cover up the appropriate eye and asked her to
read the letters.
As he did so, he noticed the blonde had tears streaming down her face.
"Look," said the doctor, "there's no need to get upset about getting
glasses."
"I know," agreed the blonde, "But I kind of had my heart set on wire
frames."

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~~ If one man says, "it was an uphill battle," and another says,
"it went downhill from there," how could they both be having troubles?
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Todays Thought: Any married man should forget his mistakes.........................

There's no use in two people remembering the same thing.

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