We got a heat wave going today....
getting a little warmer every day...
º
You can tell it's cold........
º
One must be a "dem", and the other a "rep".....
º
Cool homemade toy.....
º
One no.....Help...help....
º
Hurry...Hurry, I'm having a catnip attack!!
º
Hey....he wants to play too....
º
Bad motor cycle club, watch out for them...
º
What can I say.....
º
Oh, Oh....no.....
.
My one horsepower....now this is a chick getter..right?
You think the "Special Lady" will like to ride?
º
♥♥♥
º
~~ I got stuck in a traffic jam while commuting into Los Angeles one day.
The woman in the SUV in front of me took full advantage of the slowdown.
She whipped out her eyebrow pencil, lip gloss and a mirror,
applying the finishing touches on her face in the ten minutes
it took us to creep through the Cahuenga Pass.
Finally, the traffic broke up and as she zoomed away,
I caught a glimpse of her vehicle's license plate: NTRL BTY.
º
~~ An elderly woman in our church congregation had an
older-model car that was in excellent condition.
As she was driving to town one afternoon, her car was struck
by another auto.
The insurance company told her that, after considering the
car's age, they would give her a settlement on the damage.
When the cheque arrived, she was unhappy with the low
amount and went to see her insurance agent.
Pulling open his desk drawer, he said, "I have a little blue book
in here that says that's all your car is worth."
"Well," she replied, "I have a little black book at home that says,
'Thou shalt not steal.'"
She got a higher settlement.
º
~~ I was driving down a divided road at 60 miles an hour,
the speed limit, when I was distracted by a big electronic sign
placed on the median.
I thought that it must contain important information on road
closures or detours, so I took a quick look at it.
It read, 'Focus On Your Driving.'
º
~~ The sergeant was in a rare mood as he finished drilling his
company.
He barked out a final order. "All right, you idiots fall out!"
The men fell out, but one rookie stood firm.
The sergeant stared as the rookie smiled.
"There were a lot of them, weren't there, Sarge?"
º
~~ I am a reservations clerk for a commercial airline.
A woman phoned one of my co-workers to ask if a particular
flight had departed.
While my friend was checking the information,
the office cleaning staff turned on a vacuum cleaner behind her.
"Never mind," the woman said.
"I just heard it take off," and she hung up.
º
~~ Our co-worker kept trying to get her mother to fly out for a
visit.
"No way am I getting on an airplane," was the inevitable answer.
"Look, Mom, when it's your time to go, it doesn't matter if you're
on the ground or in the air."
"I know," said her mother.
"I just don't want to be that far off the ground when it's the pilot's
time to go."
º
~~ My friend is a Botox junkie—she can't stop getting the
injections.
But surprisingly, when I reminded her to get her flu shot,
she shuddered.
"I hate needles," she said.
I had a solution: "Just pretend it will make your arm look younger."
º
~~ The best way to cure big-city traffic problems is to make all
the city streets one way, going out of town.
º
~~ After my husband asked me to help him shed some
unwanted pounds, I stopped serving fattening TV snacks and
substituted crisp celery.
While he was unenthusiastically munching on a stalk one night,
a commercial caught his attention.
As he watched longingly, a woman spread gooey chocolate
frosting over a freshly baked cake.
When it was over, my husband turned to me.
"Did you ever notice," he asked, "that they never advertise
celery on TV?"
º
~~ When my mother was 91, I took her to an ophthalmologist
for cataract surgery evaluation.
She was blind in one eye, couldn't hear well and used a walker.
The doctor briskly gave her a cursory examination.
At the end of the session, he held up three fingers,
asking Mother, "How many fingers do I have?"
"I hope you have five if you're going to operate on me!"
she snapped.
He gave her his full attention.
º
~~ "Footie pajamas are awesome!
You put mashed potatoes in the feet and say,
'Look mom!.... A rat!'"
º
º
Todays Thought: The snow collects the good with the bad,
as can be seen when it melts.
No comments:
Post a Comment