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Happy 75th. Birthday.....Elvis!...
.
Yep...we still got snow on the ground....Hey, it's cold....
.
Hey....Canned humans...anybody got a can opener??
.
Gots any fish???
.
Yep! your tiny alright.....
.
You wouldn't!!...So, that's were they are......
.
Looks like a slumber party.....
.
Watch out!!
.
Well, time to unpark and leave...
.
♥♥♥
~~ The disgruntled diner summoned his waiter to the table,
complaining, "My oyster stew doesn't have any oysters in it."
"Well if that bothers you, then you better skip the dessert,"
replied the waiter...... "It's angel food cake."
.
~~ The auto auction I attended was selling cars to benefit charity.
Vehicles were classified as either "Running" or "No Start."
On the block was a No Starter.
It had a shattered windshield, two missing tires, a sagging front
bumper, a cockeyed grille, a hood that was sprung up at an
angle, and dings and dents all over the body.
Before he started the bidding, the auctioneer announced the
car's year, make and model, and then read the owner's
comments: "Please note—the radio does not work."
.
~~ When we picked her up after a Valentine's Day party,
my five-year- old daughter, Nancy, excitedly showed us a
giant bag of spicy cinnamon hearts she had won in a contest.
When we got home, she took them out of her knapsack and
put them straight into the refrigerator.
Puzzled, I asked her why.
"They're a little bit too hot!" she confided.
.
~~ At a memorial service, many people shared stories of the
beloved nun who had died.
One priest stepped forward and described how she had received
dozens of gifts of gratitude, most of which she passed along
without even unwrapping them.
One Christmas, he told us, he opened the present she gave him...
and found six pairs of pantyhose.
.
~~ My partner and I were in our police car when we were
dispatched to break up a domestic dispute.
We spoke with the couple, and the problem was quickly resolved.
On leaving, I was admiring the craftsmanship of their
turn- of-the-century home and reached for what I thought was
the front door.
Realizing my mistake, I was turning away in embarrassment
when my partner tried to cover for me by saying...
"If you have any more problems, we'll be in your closet."
.
~~ Why do we sing "Rock a bye baby" to lull a baby to sleep
when the song is about putting your baby in a tree and letting
the wind crash the cradle on the ground?
.
~~ Make it a point to indulge in at least one hearty laugh every day.
If nothing funnier comes along, laugh at yourself.
.
~~ A politician knocked on the door of a house recently.
When a woman opened the door, the young man asked her if
he might ask her a few questions on national policy.
"Just a minute," replied the woman.
"Let me go and find my husband, because he is the opinionated
one."
.
~~ Two terrorists are chatting.
One of them has his wallet out and is flipping through pictures.
"Yeah, this is my oldest. He's a martyr.
Here's my second son. He's a martyr, too."
There's a pause.
Then, the second terrorist says, wistfully:
"Ah, they blow up so fast, don't they?"
.
~~ A priest at a parochial school, wanted to point out the proper
behavior for church.
He was trying to elicit from the youngsters, rules that their
parents might give before taking them to a nice restaurant.
"Don't play with your food," one second grader cited.
"Don't be loud," said another, and so on...
"And what rule do your parents give you before you go out to eat?"
the priest inquired of one little boy.
Without batting an eye, the child replied, "Order something cheap."
.
.
Today thought: "Ninety-nine percent of the failures come from people who
have the habit of making excuses."
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