A cold morning... wind was howling last night....
.
Okay, Okay....I going.......
.
I want a percentage of the take.....
.
Doing a wheelie....are you??
.
Tooting in the tub.....are you nuts...?
.
Another Nut case....Damn place full of them...?
.
Oh, No...not again.....
.
Send him back.......
.
Read the notice, (for the nuts)
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Well....My ride is here......see you later..
.
♥♥♥
~~ After Laura was pulled over for speeding, she told her four-year- old daughter Olivia,
"That was not a good thing that Mommy did. I was going too fast, and that's why the policeman gave me a
ticket."
"What's the ticket mean?" Olivia asked, Laura replied,
"It means I have to pay a lot of money as a punishment."
The little girl then asked, "Why didn't he just spank you instead?"
.
~~ There was the coed who got an A when her history teacher
found that she was terrible on names but great on dates.
.
~~ The manager of a large corporation got a heart attack,
and the doctor told him to go for several weeks to a farm to relax.
The guy went to a farm, and after a couple of days he was very
bored, so he asked the farmer to give him some job to do.
The farmer told him to clean up all of the cow manure.
The farmer thought that to somebody coming from the city,
working the whole life sitting in an office,
it will take over a week to finish the job,
but for his surprise the manager finished the job in less than
one day.
The next day the farmer gave to the manager a more difficult job:
to cut the heads of 500 chickens.
The farmer was sure that the manager will not be able to do the
job, but at the end of the day the job was done.
The next morning, as most of the jobs in the farm were done,
the farmer asked the manager to divide a bag of potatoes in two
boxes: one box with small potatoes, and one box with big potatoes.
At the end of the day the farmer saw that the manager was
sitting in front of the potatoes bag, but the two boxes were empty.
The farmer asked the manager,
"How is that you made such difficult jobs during the first days,
and now you cannot do this simple job?"
The manager answered: "Listen, all my life I'm cutting heads and
dealing with crap, but now you ask me to make decisions!"
.
~~ Late in the day a wild man burst into the psychiatrist's office.
"Ya gotta help me!" he screamed, "I can't stop thinking I'm
deck of cards!"
Flushing with anger, the doctor snapped,
"Wait outside! I'll deal with you later!"
.
~~ A young couple had identical twin sons and nearly everyone
had a heck of a time telling them apart.
An aunt asked the mom if she had any problems distinguishing
the two lads, and the mother replied,
"No, I can tell them apart by their balls.
One bawls all night, the other bawls all day!"
.
~~ After I tucked my six-year-old daughter into bed,
she asked if she could sleep with Snuggles,
my special teddy bear, because she was just a little scared.
I looked at her bed, filled with her own dolls and bears, and said,
"What about all of these?"
"They won't help," she replied...... "They're already asleep."
.
~~ The call came into the firehouse just as the crew had sat
down to dinner.
"Quick!" said the caller, "you've got to come to 10 Cherry Lane!
There's a fire in my basement!"
"Did you try throwing water on it?" inquired the fire fighter.
"Of course I did!"
The fire fighter replied, "Then there's no reason for us to come.
That's all we do."
.
~~ An Army major, was conducting a field test when
communications went dead,
just when headquarters initiated a call to him.
Immediately, he jumped into a jeep and ordered a sergeant
to speed to the command station.
When the major and the sergeant ran in,
the group cheered their arrival.
The commanding officer then stepped forward and shook the
major's hand.
"Don't congratulate me, sir," he said modestly as he pointed to
his driver....... "It was all the sergeant's doing."
The commanding officer nodded and turned to the sergeant.
"Congratulations," he said.
"The major's wife just had a baby girl."
.
~~ My boss had been trying to reach Mike, one of his plumbers,
when it became apparent Mike had accidentally turned off his
pager.
Suddenly the boss realized he had sent Mike on a call to an
apartment building where his own sister lived.
When Mike returned to the office, he said he felt he had been in
The Twilight Zone: While working in the hallway,
an attractive lady whom he had never seen before opened
her apartment door and said: "Mike? It's for you."
.
~~ "My husband's always playing around,"
Elizabeth complained to Deborah as they pedaled their exercise
bicycles one morning.
"It's made me so anxious I can't even eat."
"Then why don't you leave him?" Deborah asked.
"Oh, I will," replied Elizabeth, "just as soon as I hit 105."
.
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Todays Thought: "Any kid'll run an errand for you if you ask at bedtime."~Red Skelton~
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