.
I guess I gotta clean up my desk......
"witchy" won't like my space......
.
The computer was running HOT.....
.
Computer CAKE......
.
How about this clock......
.
Oh....No!!!!
.
Want some chewing gum???
.
Mam....You gotta be tall here...
I bet the floor stays wet......
.
Yard sale??
.
Oh,..no's!!
.
Well, time for me to ride off in my conference bike...
.
♥♥♥
~~ A big-game hunter went on safari with his wife and
mother-in-law.
One evening, while still deep in the jungle, the Mrs. awoke to find
her mother gone.
Rushing to her husband, she insisted on them both trying to find
her mother.
The hunter picked up his rifle, took a swig of whisky, and started
to look for her.
In a clearing not far from the camp, they came upon a chilling sight:
the mother-in-law was backed up against a thick, impenetrable
bush, and a large male lion stood facing her.
The wife cried, "What are we going to do?"
"Nothing," said the hunter husband.
"The lion got himself into this mess, let him get himself out of it."
.
~~ A man was standing on the scale, sucking in his stomach.
The man's wife sarcastically said, "I don't think that's going to help."
"Sure it does," he said.
"How else could I see the numbers?".
.
~~ A friend of mine who had recently become a father mentioned
to his wife that instead of purchasing a needed new car with their
savings, he was thinking about splurging on a Harley-Davidson
motorcycle.
He was pleasantly surprised by her response:
"I hope it's comfortable."
That is, until she added........
"Because you'll be sleeping on it from now on."
.
~~ The waiter at the diner came over and asked his customer,
"And how did you find the steak?"
"Easy," snarled Gus.
"I shoved a spoonful of potatoes to the side, and there it was!"
.
~~ Housework was woman's work!
But one evening, Jenny arrived home from work to find the
children bathed, one load of clothes in the washer and another
in the dryer, dinner on the stove, and the table set...
She was astonished, something's up.
It turns out that Charley had read an article that said wives who
worked full-time and had to do their own housework were too
tired to have sex.
The night went well and the next day she told her office friends
all about it.
"We had a great dinner.
Charley even cleaned up.
He helped the kids do their homework, folded all the laundry and
put everything away.
I really enjoyed the evening."
"But what about afterward?" asked her friends.
"Oh, that was perfect too. Charley was too tired..."
.
~~For Christmas, I gave my six-year-old nephew,
Josh a pair of Iron Man pyjamas.
Later in the evening while helping him put them on,
I asked if he liked them.
"I would wear anything you gave me, Auntie!" Josh exclaimed.
"Except a bra!"
.
~~ Five -year-old Gracie was getting excited about having a new
sibling.
Sitting with her very pregnant mother Mary, Gracie asked,
"Where's the baby going to come out, Mommy?"
Mary lifted her blouse, pointed to her old Cesarean scar and said,
"Your new baby brother is going to come out here."
Looking at the scar and her mother's big belly,
Gracie laughed and said, "You look like a piggy bank."
.
~~ Bartenders and waiters have heard 'em all.
But what we rarely hear is someone turning down a drink.
"Nah, I better not have one," said one man after I offered him
a glass of wine.
"I have the world's worst stomach.
I eat so many antacids that if I were to keel over dead right
this minute, I'd leave my own chalk outline."
.
~~ Last Thanksgiving, my niece came home with her school
project: a beautiful autumnal leaf with the words
"I am thankful for my mommy" printed on it.
Her eyes tearing, my sister said, "This means so much to me."
Her daughter nodded.
"I wanted to put ‘Hannah Montana,' but my teacher wouldn't let me."
.
~~ When Dad's satellite dish conked out, I found him on the
phone with the help desk.
The TV set was pulled away from the wall, and he was staring
at the mass of tangled wires spilling out the back of it.
He looked absolutely overwhelmed.
"Tell you what I'm going to do," Dad said to the technician.
"I'm going to hang up now, go to college for a couple of years,
and then call you back."
.
~~ It was the height of the London blitz.
A group of people were in one of those underground public
shelters that dotted the city.
A warden called down, "Are there any expectant mothers in this
shelter?"
One woman answered, "A bit early to tell" ....
We've only been here for a minute or two!
.
~~ Hope is the ability to hear the music of the future.
Faith is having the courage to dance to it today.
.
.
Todays Thought: A girl loves a boy's voice when it has a ring in it.
No comments:
Post a Comment
Note: Only a member of this blog may post a comment.