"Witchy" got hit with some bad news...but it'll work out....
.
I spik inglish too.........
.
Hey...Get out the bird bath.......Dog bird??
.
Yep, then get the mop.......
.
Ah, yes I've hard this a few times........
.
I hope he's not hungry......... I don't like snakes, small, med, or extra larg...
.
I don't wanna be around when it starts......I'm chicken.........
.
He looks happy........
.
Well, it's time to head out into the sunset....
.
♥♥♥
~~ At a country church many members were gaining weight,
so they were put on a diet of a glass of Tab and one apple for lunch.
After eating their light lunch, the group would start singing.
They became known as the "Tab and Apple Choir".
.
~~ Middle age is having a choice of two temptations and
choosing the one that will get you home earlier.
.
~~ needed a passport and I needed it quickly.
Luckily, a sign in the passport office told me exactly how long
I could expect to wait: "Allow 10 minutes for regular processing
and 15 minutes for expedited processing."
.
~~ One salesgirl in a candy store always had customers lined
up waiting while other girls stood around idle.
The store owner asked for her secret.
"It's easy," she said.
"The others scoop up more than a pound and then start taking
away.
I scoop up less, then add to it."
.
~~ Timothy O'Cartny took his car to the mechanic, who told
him he needed a new muffler.
Timothy went straight home and asked his wife to knit him one.
.
~~ An man named O'Sullivan arrived at O'Hare International
Airport and wandered about the terminal with tears streaming
down his cheeks.
An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick.
"No, I've lost all my luggage!"
"How'd that happen?"
"The cork fell out."
.
~~ There has been a great proliferation of lawyers in the past
thirty years, just as there has been a proliferation of computers.
But unlike computers, lawyers do not get twice as intelligent
and half as expensive over the years.
.
~~ Gus goes to the bank with his dog, to ask for a loan.
When the loan officer denies him credit, Gus's dog bites
the officer.
Then she turns around and bites one of the customers.
The loan officer asks the Gus:
I understand why your dog bit me.
But why did she bite the customer.
I don't know...probably to get the bad taste out of her mouth.
.
~~ A man spent thirty years in prison.
Most of it was in solitary confinement, and he was going crazy
alone in his cell, when he spied an ant crawling on the floor.
He began to look forward to the ant's daily visit to his cell,
and he would save bread crumbs to feed the ant.
He began to talk to the ant and gave it a name.
He was really surprised when the ant began to come to him
when he called it by name.
He thought he was going crazy when the ant began to talk back
to him.
He taught the ant to recite the Declaration of Independence.
Later, when he was finally paroled, the convict took the ant with
him, in a matchbox.
He went to a bar, thinking, "This ant will make me rich!"
He took the matchbox out of his pocket and released the ant
on the bar.
He said, "Bartender, do you see this ant on the bar?"
The bartender, "I'm sorry about that", and squashed the ant
with his thumb!
.
~~ Every person sees their own "personal" rainbow.
When you look at one, you are seeing the light bounced off of
certain raindrops, but when the person standing next to you
looks at the same rainbow, they may see the light reflecting
off other raindrops from a completely different angle.
In addition, everyone sees colors differently according to light
and how their eyes interpret it. (The Franklin Institute)
.
~~ A friend of mine had resisted efforts to get her to run with
our jogging group until her doctor told her she had to exercise.
Soon thereafter, she reluctantly joined us for our 5:30 a.m. jogs
on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays.
After a month of running, we decided that my friend might be
hooked, especially when she said she had discovered what
"runner's euphoria" was. "Runner's euphoria," she explained,
"is what I feel at 5:30 on Tuesdays, Thursdays, and Saturdays
and Sundays."
.
~~ Football players at the high school where I worked were
stealing the practice jerseys, so the coach ordered a set with
"Property of Benjamin High School" emblazoned on them.
When the thefts continued, he ordered a new batch that had
the imprint "Stolen from Benjamin High School."
But the jerseys still kept disappearing.
The larceny finally stopped after he changed the wording to
"Benjamin High School 4th String."
.
.
Todays Thought: We discern a clever man by his answers and a wise
one by his questions.
.
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