Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning....Everybody.....

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Now he's kinda weird......

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Bite the dirt.....That's gotta hurt.....

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OMG..I'm not gonna say anything........

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Hey....I'm only the messanger...don't shoot......

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Now....thats a no-no....starting them young.......

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A goat??  something an't right!

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I have no idea?? but it's cool looking..

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I don't think it will work...look at the handle......

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♥♥♥

                                                                                                                                                                   ~~ A quiet new nurse was starting her first evening in a

tight-knit ER.
The other nurses were concerned that she might not share
in the workplace banter they had developed.
Their fears were soon relieved.
One night, one of the nurses observed this new nurse
sitting alone at the nurses' station.
"Are you the only fool here?" the veteran asked.
"Not now," replied the newbie, without missing a beat.

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~~ A young mother was standing outside a mall holding her
six-month- old baby and her sister's three-month-old baby.
Two elderly women approached the mother.
"Are they twins?" one asked.
"No, they're three months apart."
"My! You sure had them close together."

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~~ "I see you last worked in a psychiatrist's office,"
said the employment agency director to the nurse.
"Why did you leave?"
"Well," the nurse replied, "I just couldn't win.
If I was late to work, I was hostile.
If I was early, I had an anxiety complex.
If I was on time, I was compulsive."

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~~ Attorney Rodney Donohoo, of Santa Ana, California,
was riding up an elevator with two elderly women one day.
One of the ladies asked if the lawyers had offices on all the
top floors of the building.
"Yes, they do," Donohoo replied.
"It's a good thing," the woman told her friend.
"That's probably as close to heaven as most lawyers will
ever get."

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~~ At my age, when a girl flirts with me in the movies,
she's after my popcorn.

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~~ "Why are women wearing perfumes that smell like flowers?
Men don't like flowers.....
I've been wearing a great new scent.
It's called 'New Car Interior'." (Rita Rudner)

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~~ Bobbie and I were discussing diet tips.
When I mentioned that getting enough exercise and
sleep were just as important as watching food intake,
Bobbie responded with surprise that sleep was a factor.
Gus replied: "Of course sleep has a lot to do with dieting.
The only time I'm not eating is when I'm sleeping!"

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~~ After giving the hired man a dressing down for being late
in returning with supplies, the farmer demanded,
"Okay, now let's hear how it happened, Miller."
"Well, I picked up a minister along the road,"
explained the hired hand,
"and from there on the mules couldn't understand a word I said."

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~~ One rainy day I watched a neighbor struggling to push her
toddler in a stroller with one hand and control her poodle with
the other.
The dog didn’t want to get its paws wet and was refusing to walk.
I was about to put on my jacket to offer some help when the
trio disappeared behind some hedges.
When they reappeared, she seemed to have sorted out
her problem: The toddler and the dog were in the stroller.

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~~ Wisdom has two parts:
1) Having a lot to say.
2) Not saying it.

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~~ It was a cold winter day in Philadelphia,
the roads were icy and I was nearly frozen as I ran
across Frankford Avenue, heading home for lunch.
I was almost at the sidewalk when I slipped and fell.
I tried to get up, but slipped again.
The traffic light was changing,
and I frantically crawled to the curb on my hands and knees.
An elderly gentleman came over to help me.
"You know," he scolded, "that's no way to cross the street."

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~~ When your mother asks,
"Do you want a piece of advice?"
it is a mere formality.
It doesn't matter if you answer yes or no.
You're going to get it anyway.

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~~ A rabbi was opening his mail one morning.
Taking a single sheet of paper from an envelope
he found written on it only one word: "shmuck."
At the next Friday night service, the Rabbi announced,
"I have known many people who have written letters and
forgot to sign their names,
but this week I received a letter from someone who
signed his name...and forgot to write a letter.

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~~ The sergeant was in one of his rare moods as he
lectured the recruits.
"Let me ask you a simple question, what is fortification?"
There was no response.
Nor did any of the rookies answer when he repeated
the question.
Walking up to the new man who looked closest to normal,
the sergeant barked right into his face,
"What is fortification?"
The soldier gulped and managed an answer,
"Two twentifications, Sarge!"
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Todays Thought:  If pigs had wings, they'd look pretty silly.
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