Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning.....Friends. Ready for a great weekend?

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She's a cutie now.... but later?

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How about this tat?......not what I would want.....

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Good hair do....... got to be fine.......

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I guess he likes it.........

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Addicted.................

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Cool.......

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Bling...Bling........

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Whoooh,....Thats cool.......

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♥♥♥

~~ Driving down the highway one day,

I saw this slogan on the back of a well-known trucking

company's vehicle: "We Go That Extra Mile."

Then I noticed another phrase scrawled in the dirt just below it:

"Because We Missed the Last Exit!"

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~~ What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

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~~ To avoid the swine flu we're now being told to avoid

human contact.

No human contact...... I call that my weekend.

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~~ They're auctioning off a dinner with Sarah Palin.

The starting bids are $25,000.

They say now that for an extra thousand dollars she'll

actually shoot the main course.

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~~ A young man in college called his mother and announced

excitedly that he had just met the girl of his dreams.

Now what should he do?

His mother had an idea:

"Why don't you send her flowers, and on the card invite

her to your apartment for a home-cooked meal?"

He thought this was a great strategy, and a week later,

the girl came to dinner.

His mother called the next day to see how things had gone.

"I was totally humiliated," he moaned.

"She insisted on washing the dishes."

"What's wrong with that?" asked his mother.....

"We hadn't started eating yet."

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~~ QUESTION: What does an envelope say when you lick it?

ANSWER: Nothing, it just shuts up.

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~~ A sales clerk asked his boss how to handle people who

complained about the current prices compared to the low

prices in the good old days.

"Just act surprised and tell them you didn't think that they

were old enough to remember them."

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~~ Employees are counseled by our benefits department in

their choice of the various options regarding the benefits

available to them (medical, dental, vision coverage,

life insurance, etc.).

I had just spent 20 minutes explaining life insurance options

to one of our new employees.

After reviewing the different plans and monthly deductions,

he decided on $100,000 worth of life insurance.

But he had one last question.

"Now," he said, "what do I have to do to collect the money?"

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~~ We were thoroughly confused.

While transcribing medical audiotapes,Sherry, came upon

the following garbled diagnosis: "This man has pholenfrometry."

Knowing nothing about that particular condition, Sherry double

checked with the doctor.

After listening to the tape, he shook his head.

"This man," he said, translating for her, "has fallen from a tree."

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~~ Students at school were asked to write about the harmful

effects of oil on fish.

One 11-year old wrote, "When my mom opened a tin of

sardines last night it was full of oil and all the sardines were dead."

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~~ According to "The Australian," an airliner recently

encountered severe vibration in flight.

The captain decided to make an emergency landing,

and switched on the seat belt sign.

The vibration stopped immediately.

A passenger emerged from a lavatory and explained that he

had been jogging in place inside.

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~~ My husband's friend got married and sent the wedding photo

to the local newspaper.

When the announcement appeared in print, the man saw that

their names were listed under the picture of a different bridal

couple.

"I have good news and bad news," the fellow said when he

told his bride of the mix-up.

"The good news is that I have hair.

The bad news is that you're ugly."

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Todays Thought: History repeats itself, but each time the price goes up.

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