Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning....Friends and other readers.......

Well, todays is the 700th post.... were did the time go?

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Isn't this a cool picture?................

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Now this one's not cool.........

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Just what I need today........

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A striped possum.......

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A hairy caterpillar found in the rainforest....

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A Cabbage head....??

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Have a cup of Tea....."Witchy"..? She's the Tea drinker......

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take those wings and learn to fly! now! .........

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Biggest Grub worm I ever saw....Good breakfast for someone....

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♥♥♥

~~ I have a hearing problem.

I found out the cause recently.

The human ear can only process 3,000 words a day.

After that the reception goes bad so all that is said doesn't

come in clear.

My wife is constantly chatting at me at a rate of 5,000 words

a day............ It is no wonder that I don't hear her.

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~~ Sign on an "old" car's bumper...

"This car is constipated, can't pass a thing!"

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~~ Gus and Pete went into a diner that looked as though it

had seen better days.

As they slid in a booth, Gus wiped some crumbs from the seat.

Then he took a napkin and wiped some moisture from the table.

The waitress came over and asked if they wanted some menus.

"No thanks," said Pete.... "I'll just have a cup of black coffee."

"I'll have black coffee too," Gus said.

"And please make sure the cup is clean."

The waitress shot him a nasty look.

She turned and marched off into the kitchen.

Two minutes later, she was back.

"Two cups of black coffee," she announced......

"Which one of you wanted the clean cup?"

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~~ Bumper Stickers don't always mean what they say -

I was at a stop light, behind a car with a bumper sticker that

said "Honk if you love Jesus."

So I honked.

The driver leaned out his window, gave me an very impolite

gesture, and yelled, "Can't you see the light is still red,

you MORON!?"

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~~ Moshe wants to buy a parrot and goes to his local pet

shop to see what they have.

The assistant shows him a parrot and explains that this one

is really quite special - it can speak most languages.

So Moshe decides to test this out.

"Do you speak English?" asks Moshe.

"Yes," replied the parrot.

"Hablas Espanol?" asks Moshe.

"Si," replied the parrot.

"Parlez vouz Francais?" asks Moshe.

"Oui," replied the parrot.

"Sprechen sie Deutsch?" asks Moshe.

"Jawohl," replied the parrot.

"Falas Portugues?" asks Moshe.

"Sim," replied the parrot.

Moshe pauses for a while, then asks the parrot,

"Do you speak Yiddish?"

The parrot shrugs its shoulders and says,

"Nu? Vis a nose like dis, vot you tink?"

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~~ 1. Cats do what they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They're totally unpredictable.

4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.

5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

7. They're moody.

8. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion: They are tiny women in little fur coats.

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~~ "Your grandmother and I are going out to dinner,"

I said to my teenage daughter, Ree.

"Do you want to join us?"

"No way," she answered grumpily.

"I'm going to stay home and study."

That evening my mother asked if Ree was feeling well.

"She's okay," I said, "just a little cranky",,

"Intelligent children can be very temperamental,"

my mother sighed.......

"I certainly didn't have that problem with you."

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~~ A woman said to her friend, "I don't know what to do.

My husband is such a mess maker that you can't imagine.

He doesn't put anything in its place,

I am always going around the house organizing things."

The friend says, "Take a tip from me.

The first week after we were married I told my husband firmly,

'Every glass and plate that you take,

wash when you are done and put back in its place.'"

The first woman asked,....... "Did it help?"

Her friend said, "I don't know.....

I haven't seen him since."

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~~ A boy was assigned a paper on childbirth and asked his mother,

"How was I born?"

"Well honey..." said the slightly prudish mother,

"the stork brought you to us."

"Oh," said the boy, "and how did you and daddy get born?"

"Oh, the stork brought us too."

"Well how were grandpa and grandma born?" the boy persisted.

"Well darling, the stork brought them too!" said the mother,

by now starting to squirm a little.

Several days later, the boy handed in his paper to the teacher

who read with confusion the opening sentence:

"This report has been very difficult to write due to the fact that

there hasn't been a natural childbirth in my family for three

generations."

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~~ I am a first-grade teacher and a new empty nester.

One night I was trying out an art project: making a person

with simple materials.

I took a coat hanger, attached a paper-plate face,

put a shirt on the hanger and stuffed it.

Then I sat it on the couch to see how it looked.

Later that evening my son walked in the door, home for a

surprise visit.

Taking one look at my coat-hanger friend sitting on the couch,

he said, "Mom, it's not that bad, is it?"

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~~ In the traffic court a young lady was brought before the judge

to answer for a ticket given her for driving through a red light.

She explained to his honor that she was a school teacher and

requested an immediate disposal of her case so she could get

to the school on time.

A wild gleam came into the judge's eyes.

"You're a school teacher, eh?" he said.

"Madam, I shall realize my lifelong ambition.

I've waited years to have a school teacher in this court.

Now sit down at that table and write;.................

'I will not drive through red lights' 500 times!"

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~~ The deafening car alarm outside the supermarket got

everyone's attention.

So by the time I entered the store, this announcement was

coming over the PA system:

"Would the owner of a silver PT Cruiser please return to the

parking lot?.......... Your car is crying."

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Todays Thought: Happiness is a place in the middle of too much and too little.

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(Get Well!)