Good Morning.....Getting ready for the Holiday weekend coming up ?
Gotta have that Barbie.......
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See what ya get??.........
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Breakfast this morning?? I had a burrito........
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SuperDog...... He'll swoop down and steal your lunch....

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A good looking horse........
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Taking a break...........Watch out...Cig breaks aren't allowed.....

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I stole this from that baby up there ↑........

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Time to hide...↓.....Later Bubba......................

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I got my ride........

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♥♥♥

~~~ Bobbie wrote a practical beauty book.
For a morning facial, for instance, she recommends picking up a large, fluffy towel and draping it firmly over the mirror.

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~~~ Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7:00 p.m.
Please use the back door.

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~~~ My diminutive aunt Flora, just four feet, nine inches tall, accepted an offer to visit a health club for a free session.
After being greeted heartily, she was shown where she could change and told an instructor would soon be with her.
Having changed her clothes, aunt Flora went back to the exercise area.
Along one wall she noticed a silver bar that was not in use, and decided to try her hand at chin-ups while she waited.
She jumped up, barely reaching the bar, and managed to strain through two chin-ups before the instructor came to her side.
Smiling politely, the instructor said, "If you want to let go of the coat rack and follow me, I'll be glad to help you get started."

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~~~ Pete is dieting.
He says weight gain is due to water retention.
My weight gain is due to ice cream retention.

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~~~ Birdie, birdie in the sky,Dropped some white stuff in my eye,I'm a big guy I won't cry,I'm just glad that cows don't fly.

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~~~ During a simulated attack, the troops have to defend themselves against an imaginary enemy, as the sergeant calls it.
Bawling out orders, he notices that one recruit shows little response.
“You there,” the sergeant shouts, “the imaginary enemy is advancing, and your are caught in the crossfire..... Action!”
The recruit takes ten steps to one side.
“What are you doing, man?” Yells the sergeant, purple with fury.
“I’m taking shelter behind an imaginary hill, Sergeant,” answers the recruit calmly.

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~~~ Two salesmen are at another salesman's funeral.
One says to the other, "What did he have?"
The other salesman says, "California, Oregon and Washington".

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~~~ Members were dressed up at my mother's music-club costume party to represent a song title.
Guesses were then submitted as to the title of the song portrayed.
One lady arrived dressed in maternity clothes, with a large pillow secured in front.
After many incorrect guesses, she finally announced her song title: "It Ain't Necessarily So."

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~~~ Steve, my accountant husband, and I both suffer from occasional bouts of insomnia.
One night I suggested we try a technique I'd read about, which was to encourage relaxation. Laying with our eyes closed, I described a relaxing scene: "We're in a beautiful, oceanside bungalow on a tropical island.
A gentle breeze is coming through the French doors that lead to our private ocean path."
A quiet voice startled me from my peaceful place; "How much is this vacation costing us?" Steve asked.

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~~~ The birth of our second child, a daughter, came after a long and difficult labor.
But it was definitely worth it when our beautiful little girl emerged, perfect in every way.
Later, in my room, my husband looked at her tenderly, with tears in his eyes.
Then as he glanced up at me, I expected him to utter something truly poetic.
Instead he asked, "What's her name again?"

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~~~ One day I tried to reach my dad, a real charmer with the ladies, at his tennis club.
I gave a description of him to the receptionist, but she didn't recognize him.
Then I gave her his name, but she didn't know him.
I gave it one more try: "He's probably told you that you're the most beautiful woman in Orlando.
"She laughed and said, "I'll go get him."
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Todays Thought: I'm not aging... I'm just ripening to perfection....

<><><><><><><><><><><>(☺)<><><><><><><><><><>~~~

Good Morning.....Did ya have a good weekend?
We had a nice one......
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My "Monday morning cup......
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The new born cafe is doing great........stays close to Mom....
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Baby Fox......cute...
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It's always feeding time......

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Yep....climb in bed with "Witchy"....always room for one more......

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He's not interested in baby birds........

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Don't fall in the hole........I'd like to see one in person

I bet it does not look the same........

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Well, time for me to just swim away.......

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♥♥♥

~~~ One for Taz: What do you do when you get a pin thrown at you?
Run like mad, there's a blonde with a handgrenade between her teeth...

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~~~ It is going to feel like Christmas in July in the field in front my home for the next few weeks.
My yard buddies, the fireflies have finally returned to put on another Summer light show every evening for all of us to enjoy.
It is such a delight seeing their little, golden lights blinking on and off just like the lights on a Christmas tree.
It brings me such joy watching my whole backyard and the woods around it twinkle like it is Christmastime while the warm, summer breezes tickle my face.
It reminds me that anytime of the year can feel like Christmas if you have love in your heart and light in your soul.

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~~~ "A new father quickly learns that his child invariably comes to the bathroom at precisely the times when he's in there, as if he needed company.
The only way for this father to be certain of bathroom privacy is to shave at the gas station." (Bill Cosby)

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~~~ Man of the hour: the fellow whose wife told him to wait a minute.

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~~~ Four farmers were seated at the bar in a tavern.
At the table next to them sat a young girl.
The first man said, "I think it's WOOMB."
The second replied, "No, it must be WOOOOMBH."
The third said, "You both have it wrong -- it's WOOM."
The fourth stated, "No, it has to be WOOMMMMBBB."
At this, the young lady could stand it no longer.
She got up, walked over to the farmers and said, "Look, you hayseeds, it's WOMB.
That's it, that's all there is to it."
Then she left.
Eventually, one of the farmers broke the silence by saying, "Well, I don't know.
A slip of a girl like that, I don't see how she could know.
I'll bet she's never even heard an elephant fart!"

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~~~ I started early teaching my kids the value of a dollar.
From then on, they demanded their allowances in gold.

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~~~ "When Charles first saw our child Mary, he said all the proper things for a new father.
He looked upon the poor little red thing and blurted, 'She's more beautiful than the Brooklyn Bridge.'"

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~~~ My mind is now so crowded with valuable information that I can't think.

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~~~ Guards escorted a handcuffed prisoner into the courtroom where I stood as the court deputy.
"Is this a tough judge?" the prisoner asked.
"Yes," the bailiff said....... "A tough but fair judge."
"Yeah? How tough?"
"The toughest judge since Pontius Pilate," the bailiff replied."
I don't know him," the prisoner replied, "I'm not from around here."

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~~~ My granddaughter came to spend a few weeks with me, and I decided to teach her to sew.
After I had gone through a lengthy explanation of how to thread the machine, she stepped back, put her hands on her hips, and said in disbelief, "You mean you can do all that, but you can't operate my Wii?"

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~~~ Every man needs a wife because there are a number of things that go wrong that one cannot blame on the government.

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~~~ I decided to make myself useful and do a load of the family laundry.
When I took the clothes out of the machine, I discovered...to my dismay...that I had also washed the watch my wife had given me while we were dating.
"Don't expect me to replace it," she said later with an obvious lack of sympathy.
By the time Father's Day rolled around, however, she had relented and gave me a beautiful new watch.
Attached was a note with this stipulation: "DRY-CLEAN ONLY!"

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~~~ One Saturday night my boss and her family came to our house to play cards.
As they were driving away at the end of the evening, I discovered that she had left her purse in a corner next to the dining-room hutch.
I was about to call her house, intending to leave a message on the answering machine, when my son reminded me that they had a cellphone.
As I dialed the number, I marveled at the technology that would alert them before they had driven all the way home.
A few seconds later the purse began to ring.
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Todays Thought: That was faster than green grass going through a goose.....

Good Morning......friends and neighbors of the world....
Enjoying your week end??
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This mornings sunrise...
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More sunrise....taken at 5:30.....

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Of course the farm cats followed me....in the field....

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Must be lookin at porno dogs....

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Oh, yah.....................

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I don't blame ya......they bad.......

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We could always dress up......................................

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Need a hug.....no thanks...."Witchy" takes care of my hugs....

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Eno, needs no hugs........

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♥♥♥

~~~ A unit in sex education was about to begin, and each student had to bring in a permission slip in order to take it.
A boy handed in his slip and explained to the teacher, “My mom says I can take the course as long as there’s no homework.’

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~~~ Gus asked, "What is this a blended coffee?"
And the waiter said, "Yesterday and today's."

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~~~ Standing in line at the clothing store's counter, I watched as the woman ahead of me handed the clerk her credit card.
The customer waited for a long time while the saleswoman went to verify the account.
When she finally returned, the clerk said, "I'm sorry, but this card is in your husband's name, and we can't accept it because the records show he is deceased."
With that, the woman turned to her spouse, who was standing next to her and asked, "Does this mean I don't have to fix lunch for you today?"

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~~~ If the shortest distance between two points is a line, why does waiting in one take so long?

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~~~ There's an old adage on how to achieve SUCESS in life, that goes something like:
"You must keep your 'eye on the ball;'
'shoulder to the wheel;'
and 'ear to the ground,' to be successful in life!
Think about the above, and just how are you going to get any work accomplished while doing ALL OF THOSE SIMULTANEOUSLY?

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~~~ Illegal aliens have always been a problem in the United States.
Ask any Indian.

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~~~ Two colleagues discussing their favorite recipes had to laugh when a third chimed in, proclaiming, "I do a wonderful thing with leftovers: I throw them out!"

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~~~ Before I took the old family car to college, my father loaded the trunk with soft-drink bottles filled with oil, coolant and transmission fluid.
Sure enough, my car overheated.
Scolding myself for not listening to my father's instructions, I looked at the engine and saw how well he knew me.
The oil cap was labeled Dr Pepper, the transmission stick, Coke, and the empty coolant container, Diet Pepsi.
I finished the trip safely.

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~~~There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married.
A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

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~~~ At the fitness club I belong to, I spotted a sign-up sheet posted on the bulletin board. "Attention instructors and trainers," it read.
"There will be a CPR renewal session.
Sign up if you have expired."

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~~~ Finally, the good-natured boss was compelled to call Sam into his office.
"It has not escaped my attention," he pointed out, "that every time there's a home game at the stadium, you have to take your uncle to the doctor."
"You know you're right, sir," exclaimed Sam..... "I didn't realize it.
You don't suppose he's faking, do you?"

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~~~ Attenting our church's choir for mass, I noticed that many other men there had full beards.
Knowing of my wife's aversion to facial hair, I teasingly whispered to her, "How do you think I'd look with a beard and moustache?"
She whispered back, "Lonely"

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Todays Thought: Complex problems have simple, easy to understand wrong answers..

Good Morning....Friends and neighbors....
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Yep....so it has.....
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Pocket monkey??

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Now this is weird.......don't ya think......

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He's cooling off............

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Panda dog??

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Mooooo.

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What can I say.....

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Buddies...............................

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Okay.........

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♥♥♥

~~~ Taz and Carol were staring at the numbers of the floors listed above the elevator door on their cruise ship.
When asked if they needed any assistance with something, one asked how they were going to be able to reach way up there to push the button for their floor.

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~~~ Ponder these; Suzzie....
Nobody will ever win the battle of the sexes... There's too much fraternizing with the enemy.

A baby first laughs at the age of four weeks, By that time his eyes focus well enough to see you clearly.

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~~~ One friend to another, “My husband is man of rare gifts.”
“That’s nice.”
“He hasn’t given me a present in twenty-five years of marriage.”

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~~~ I figured out why they call our language the "Mother Tongue."
Fathers never get a chance to use much of it.

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~~~ A newlywed couple, after bringing their luggage into their cabin, stormed down to the cruise ship desk.
The bride was in tears, and the groom was red faced.
When asked what the problem was, the groom started swearing at the desk clerk.
"We booked a cabin with a view for our honeymoon, and all we get to see out the window is a parking lot!"

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~~~ Three medical students were discussing what specialties they were planning to go into when they finished school.One said, "I want to be a brain surgeon.
That's the frontier, the cutting edge of medicine, where so many discoveries are being made."
The second said, "I want to be a heart surgeon.
There are so many people who need that kind of help; look at all the good I could do."
The third said he wanted to be a dermatologist.
When the others had finished laughing, they asked him why on earth he wanted to be a skin doctor.
"Listen," he replied.... "Your patients never die, they never get well, and they never get you up at night."

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~~~ I'm forever asking my family to repeat what they say.
Convinced that I had a hearing problem, I grudgingly went to a specialist to be tested.
After running all the tests, the doctor said, "Your hearing is exceptional.
Your problem is that you live with a wife and three teenagers who all mumble."

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~~~ Overheard: "I wouldn't call him a liar.
Let's just, say he lives on the wrong side of the facts."

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~~~ A talking horse shows up at Dodger Stadium and persuades the manager to let him try out for the team.
In his first at bat, the horse rips the ball deep into right field—then just stands there.
"Run! Run!" the manager screams.
"Run?" says the horse.
"If I could run, I’d be in the Kentucky Derby."

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~~~ A five-year-old boy got lost in a shopping mall.
Remembering what his mother had told him to do in these circumstances, he went up to a policeman and said, "Officer, did you happen to see a lady without a boy like me?"

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~~~ My12-year-old daughter was looking through an old magazine and came across a photograph of a young woman who was described as being 35-26-36.
"What are we supposed to do?" she asked me, "Guess her age?"

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~~~ I realized the impact of computers on my young grandson one evening when there was a dramatic sunset.
Pointing to the western sky, Wyatt said......."I wish we could click and save....

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Todays Thought: Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
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Good Morning....friends.....Another hot one.......
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We could just go to the beach, and cool off.
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Just keep off the grass........

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You know...I don't think thats a good idea.....

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I wouldn't mess with him.......

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Oh,...I'm scared!! he's a cutie.....

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Pow! right in the kisser.....that'll teach you......

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Smell good??

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Yep.....I hear...........

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♥♥♥

~~~ Nearing 60 and woefully out of shape, she resolved to buy a bicycle and begin an exercise regimen.
As she browsed in the bike shop, a young, athletic-looking clerk approached.
"What do you have for a fat old lady with a big, tender posterior who hasn't ridden in years?" she asked.
He didn't even blink.
"Well, why don't you bring her in, and we'll see what we can do," he said, clinching the sale.

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~~~ A Catholic priest I once knew went to the hospital to visit patients.
Stopping at the nurses station, he carefully looked over the patient roster and jotted down the room number of everyone who had "Cath" written boldly next to his name.
That, he told me, was a big mistake.
When I asked why, he replied, "It was only after I had made the rounds that I learned they were all patients with catheters."

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~~~ It was the worst rainstorm of the century.
Half the valley was gone.
Agitated, a man called the rescue hotline.
"Help me. I'm standing in two feet of water!"
The rescue monitor said, "That's not exactly a flood emergency around here."
The man said, "No? I'm calling from the fourth floor!"

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~~~ Little Roger was pitching for the Little League team.
After he walked the first six players that came up, he was taken out of the game.
"It isn't fair," he moaned.
"I was pitching a no-hitter!"

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~~~ Finance is the art of using other people's money to acquire some for yourself.

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~~~ Robbie, my nine-year-old grandson, recently asked his mother, "Mom, what is puberty?"
She gently explained that puberty occurs when children's bodies begin to change.
"Boys," she said, "Grow taller and develop muscles.
Their voices change and deepen, and they start to grow hair such as facial hair."
After her lengthy explanation, she asked, "Do you understand, Robbie?"
"Yes" he replied..... "I just hope it happens on a Saturday, when I'm not in school."

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~~~ For over 40 years my grandfather put in long hours at his job, so I was more than a little curious about the way he filled his days since his retirement.
"How has life changed?" I asked.
A man of few words, he replied, "Well I get up in the morning with nothing to do, and I go to bed at night with it half-done."

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~~~ A friend of mine tried to explain the facts of life to her young children in a way they could understand.
When she was expecting her third child, she told her toddler and five-year-old that Daddy had planted a seed inside her and a baby grew from that seed.
Quite puzzled, the five-year-old asked,.................. "Was my face on the packet of seeds?"

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~~~ When asked to define "patience" the race-car driver thought for a bit, then replied, "To me, patience means having the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears."
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Today Thoughts: Enjoy yourself.
These are the good old days you're going to miss in the future.
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Good Morning....And How's everyone today?
Another Hot day here....
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Mountains in the background.......Headed to the park..
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Oh...oh....forgot to put the brakes on....huh?
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A good looking "Shire" a beautiful draft horse.......weighs a ton...

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Poison dart..... but colorful....

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What can you say......

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What out.....

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No! get up.....now !

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A Gypsy Vanner.........

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♥♥♥

~~~ Pete went to a restaurant where three eggs cost $8.95.
The waitress said, "Would you like them scrambled?"
Pete said, "No...... At $3 an egg I want to count them."

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~~~ A man called up a church and the church secretary answered the call.
The man on the other end of the line said, "I’d like to speak to the head hog."
The secretary replied, "That wasn’t a very nice thing to say about our beloved pastor, Rev. Dalton."
Again the man replied, "I’d like to speak to the head hog, because I’m going to donate $75,000.00 to the church.
She replied, "Hold on a moment, I think the big fat pig just walked in."

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~~~ A woman from R-ville, Va., attended a party in New York where the hostess was determined to make her East guest feel cheap and unimportant.
"My dear," said the New York matron snobbishly, "here in the city we think breeding is everything."
"Oh I don't know...." said the R-ville woman.
"Where I come from we think it's fun, too, but we try to have a few outside interests as well."

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~~~ I'm a police officer and was parked near a motel, running radar checks, when a man approached my vehicle and asked for help.
He complained that the volume on the television in the empty motel room next to his was so loud that he and his wife couldn't sleep.
No one was in the motel office.
The man's wife was outside when I reached their door.
That's when I got my idea. I asked her for their remote control, aimed it through the window of the empty room, and turned off the blaring TV.

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~~~ My wife and I sat on the floor of our RV facing the open door of our gas oven, which was not working properly.
We watched intently, waiting for the burner flame to return to a normal pilot state.
Gina, a neighboring camper, knocked, then opened the door.
She looked startled, but quickly recovered.
"Oh, that's right," she said, "you guys don't have a TV."

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~~~ When a bishop visited one of his remoter parishes, he was surprised to find only five people in the congregation.
He said to the vicar "Did you tell the people I was coming?."
The vicar replied "No, but Heaven help the person who did!"

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~~~ It wasn't the apple that caused the trouble in the Garden of Eden, it was the pair on the ground.

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~~~ My mother-in-law was going to spend the holidays with us.
Before her arrival, my wife,and I debated whether or not she should accompany us to a party on New Year's Eve.
wife wanted her to attend, but I worried she might feel out of place.
I turned to my 21-year-old son, who had been listening.
"I agree with you, Dad," he said.
"You shouldn't take her."
Surprised, as he always agrees with his Mom, I was basking in his approval when he added, "That would be like me taking mom to a party with me."

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~~~ Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. You'll be happy to know that when I gave my speech to the secretary to be typed, I asked her to eliminate all that was on the dull side.
So, in conclusion...

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~~~~ I was having lunch with my daughter Debra, who's five, at our local mall and was feeling particularly macho for a 46-year-old.
All morning, women had been smiling at me and giving me the eye.
Getting up to leave the table, I ran my fingers through my hair- and discovered two yellow-ducky barrettes that had been lovingly placed there hours before.

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~~~ Why are there no Christians in Heaven yet?
Because they are all still at the gates, saying to each other: "After you", "No, I insist after you..."
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Todays Thought: An optimist laughs to forget, a pessimist forgets to laugh.
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