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Wow! what a bad breath!!....
Great Mustache....... looks like cat wiskers....
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Flying high......
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Getting ready to fight??
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Time for a break?? I wouldn't sleep like that here...
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Swimming break?......
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Like to meet "Witchy" here.....
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♥♥♥
~~~ When she realized one of her kittens was missing, my friend Tamara optimistically posted a few notices around town.
Within a week, Tamara received a call from a woman with a kitten that matched the description. “You’d better hurry, though,” she advised.
“My son is getting pretty attached to it.
”Wanting to ease the boy’s unhappiness at returning the kitten, Tamara picked up some fast-food coupons on the way to his house, as well as some cookies and balloons for him and discovered when she got there that the son was 40 years old.
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~~~ "Mommy, What's a werewolf?"
"Shut up, Kid, and comb your face."
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~~~ Throwing a play-offs party for some friends, I was searching for some food to serve.
I found just the right dish advertised in my supermarket: "Black Hass Avocados.
Large and Creamy. .....Great for Dips Watching Football."
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~~~ While looking for her first car, our daughter, Ree, was teased so much about being directionally challenged that she said she wanted to get a GPS. One day, after being teased yet again about being lost, she remarked, "It wouldn't happen if I had UPS!"
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~~~ Teaching first-year English, I am very strict about grammar and punctuation.
One day, as we read the works of a modern poet, a young woman seemed puzzled.
"How come he uses capital letters in the middle of the sentence and misspells some of the words?" she asked.
"That's called 'poetic license,'" I explained.
"Oh!" she replied.
"How can I apply for one?"
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~~~ "I'll never find the right guy," I heard the young guest at the wedding shower sigh.
"Don't give up," urged an older woman.
"Every pot has a lid."
"Or," a cynical voice behind her offered, "you could just be a skillet."
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~~~ My van had been parked in front of a high-rise building where I had been making some repairs.
To my dismay, when I approached I saw broken glass and bits of plastic lying on the road from around the headlight.
I thought I had been the victim of a hit- and-run and asked a grounds keeper working at the building if he had seen what had happened.
Rather sheepishly the man told me his truck had been parked about 50 feet uphill from my van. At some point the parking brakes had failed, and his truck rolled down and struck the front of my van.
The police were called and while sitting with the investigating officer in his car, I heard him quietly chuckling.
"In all my years of police work," he said, "this is the first time I've ever investigated an accident between two parked vehicles."
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~~~ A wealthy merchant of 84 married a 25-year-old fashion model.
They had a wonderful honeymoon in Switzerland but, unfortunately, the old boy suffered a coronary and was hospitalized.
When his young wife came to see him, the old man said, "Sweetheart, your future has been taken care of regardlessof what happens to me.
You will have an income of $250,000 a year, my home in Palm Springs, my ranch in Texas, my Mercedes.
You'll never need to worry about money."
"Oh, sweetheart, please don't talk that way," his young wife exclaimed.
"You've been so good to me already.
If you go, I'll be devastated.
Oh, there must be something I can do to help you.
Please... tell me what I can do?"
"Well," the old man gasped, "you can quit pinching the inlet tube to my oxygen supply for starters."
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Todays thought: Reality is only an illusion that occurs due to a lack of alcohol.
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>☺☼☺<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<
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