Need a good looking nurse...."Witchy?"
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Now....I would feel better if I had this.......
Careful following him.....not too close!
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He's shy........even for his birthday fish cake.....
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This is scary..........
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Don't play with your food.........
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Eno...the Man......
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Don't jiggle the book......................................
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♥♥♥
~~~ LITTLE BOY TO HIS MOTHER: "Why do I need to learn potty training?
Is it something I'll use later in life?
Will it help me get into a good college?
Do chicks dig guys who are potty trained?"
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~~~ When my printer's type began to grow faint, I called a local repair shop, where a friendly man informed me that the printer probably needed only to be cleaned.
Because the store charged $50 for such cleanings, he told me, I might be better off reading the printer's manual and trying the job myself.
Pleasantly surprised by his candor, I asked, "Does your boss know that you discourage business?"
"Actually it's my boss's idea," the employee replied sheepishly.
"We usually make more money on repairs if we let people try to fix things themselves first."
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~~~ My friend, "DIGGER" told me........It was the first time I had experienced a patient death and I was dutifully attending to the details, which included making the arrangements with a funeral home I wasn't familiar with.
I called directory assistance and was promptly connected to someone who was clearly confused by my request for a body pick-up.
She quickly transferred me to her manager, who seemed equally perplexed.
By now I was more than a little annoyed, so I snapped, "What kind of business do you run there, anyway?"
To my horror, the voice on the phone responded politely, "Sir, we make hamburgers here." Directory assistance hadn't connected me to McDonald's Chapel of the Flowers.
It turned out, but to the famous fast food restaurant instead.
These days, whenever I have to call a funeral home, my amused coworkers remind me not to forget the fries.
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~~~ Teeing off on the 12th hole at a golf resort, we stopped to buy cold drinks from the young woman driving the beverage cart.
As my buddy reached for his wallet, he said to her, "You're in great shape.
You must work out a lot."
Flattered, she gave him a big smile and gushed, "Oh, thank you so much!"
The next day a different young woman was driving the cart.
"Watch this," I whispered.
I walked up to her and said, "Wow, you must work out a lot."
"Yeah," she replied.
"You should try it."
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~~~ I took my wife out to a restaurant last night.
As I was eating I accidently dropped my fork on the floor.
Kindly enough, a waiter replaced it with a nice new one.
I thought that was good and tested it again by dropping my napkin on the floor.
Surely enough the waiter came along and replaced it with a brand new one so I pushed my wife off her chair and waited.
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~~~ Hubby: You always carry my photo in your handbag to the office.
Why? Wife: When there is a problem, no matter how impossible, I look at your picture and the problem disappears.
Hubby: You see how miraculous and powerful I am for you?
Wife: Yes, I see your picture and say to myself, "What other problem can there be greater than this one?"
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~~~ An attorney I know once drafted wills for an elderly husband and wife who had been somewhat apprehensive about discussing death.
When they arrived to sign the documents, he ushered the couple into his office.
"Now," he said to them, "which one of you wants to go first?"
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1 comment:
Awwwww feel better soon Gus big hugs Rae xx
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