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A friend of mine is responsible for alumni relations at his high- school alma mater.
Last fall, a member of the Class of 86 returned the standard alumni questionnaire with this response:
Marital Status - Not good....
Wife's Name - Plaintiff....
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Christmas Gifts Grandma loved her grandchildren and always sent them generous checks for Christmas.
She had noticed, though, that in the last couple of years, the grandchildren were not sending her thank you notes.
This year things were different, however.
One day, she was telling a friend how wonderful things were now.
"The children came over in person to thank me," grandma told a friend triumphantly.
"How wonderful!" the friend exclaimed.
"What do you think caused the change in behavior?"
"Oh, that's easy," grandma replied. "This year I didn't sign the checks."
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Travel, I hear, broadens the mind, but only seems to thin down my wallet.
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Danielle, eight, was thrilled when her father Ned put a beautiful heart-shaped necklace around her neck.
"Happy birthday, honey," Ned said.
Danielle gushed, "Oh, thank you, Daddy. I love jewelry."
"Would you like to have one like Mommy's someday?" he asked her.
Danielle shook her head and replied, "No, I want real diamonds."
~~~
TOP SIGNS OF A BAD MOTEL.....The "complimentary" paper tells you that President Kennedy has died.
The mint on the pillow starts moving when you come close to it.
The "magic fingers vibration" is supplied by giving a quarter to the town epileptic.
There is still some stuff that they put around crime scenes that is yellow..
The pictures are not placed for decoration but to cover up recent bullet holes.
You have to wait until the guy next door is done with the towel so you can use it.
There's a chalk outline in the bed when you pull back the covers.
The desk clerk has to move the body in order to get some ice for you.
The Only TV station you can get is a porno channel with roseanne on it.
The wake up call comes courtesy of police helicopter.
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