Down Hummingbird Lane

Good Morning....Here itis TGIF day, were does the time go ?.....
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You say you got Ants in your pants ?..........................................

I'ze don't know what youse is, but no Ants, just Fleas...............

Ize hidein in Mom's shoe..............................................................

I'm not afraid......He can have my fleas.....................................

I've got a few too, he can have!.....................................................

I don't trust him, I'm watching him.............................................

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Anytime companies merge, employees worry about layoffs.

When the company I work for was bought, I was no exception.

My fears seemed justified when a photo of the newly merged staff appeared on the company's website with the following words underneath: "Updated daily."

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A banker calls in an oilman to review his loans.

"We loaned you a million to revive your old wells, and they went dry." says the banker.

"Coulda been worse."

"Then we loaned you a million to drill new wells, and they were dry."

"Coulda been worse."

"Then we loaned you another million for new drilling equipment, and it broke down."

"Coulda been worse."

"I'm getting tired of hearing that!" snaps the banker.

"How could it have been worse?"

"Coulda been my money," says the oilman.

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Short and baby-faced, my buddy Kenny had trouble being taken seriously in the Army.

A mustache, he assumed, would fix that. He was wrong.

"Wiggins!" bellowed our drill instructor after he spotted the growth during inspection.

"What's so special about your nose that it's got to be underlined?"

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I'm trying very hard to understand this generation.

They have adjusted the timetable for childbearing so that menopause and teaching a 16-year-old to drive will occur in the same week.

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A friend and I were hitchhiking, but no one would stop. "Maybe it's our long hair," I joked.

With that, my friend scrawled on a piece of cardboard: "Going to the barber's."

Within seconds we had our ride.

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For years I had been telling my friend Pete that he ate too much fast food, but he always denied it.

One day he admitted I was right. "What changed your mind?"

"My grandson.

When my daughter told him I was coming to visit, he asked, 'Grandpa from Florida, or Grandpa from McDonald's?' "

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Marriage has no guarantees.

If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

-Erma Bombeck