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You woke me for this ??..............................................................
I'm a pretty boid.........Say not and I'll peck your eyes out........
Wanna buy a house ?......It's in a good neighborhood...................
This one has satellite TV...............................................................
This is a heart attack....bacon, cheese burger on a donut.........
I got hungry.................................................................................
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My friend Valerie, her husband, Carl, and her mother were on a shopping tour of Hong Kong.
There was a microwave oven on a shelf over the refrigerator in their hotel room, so they bought some muffins to eat for breakfast the next morning.
Valerie opened the microwave, put the muffins inside, closed the door and pushed the button.
Nothing happened.
So Carl picked up the booklet next to the microwave and began reading the instructions out loud.
Again Valerie pushed the correct button, but nothing happened.
Carl picked up the booklet again and realized suddenly that no matter how many times they pushed the button, the microwave wasn't going to work.
The safe now protectively held their muffins.
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Shortly after he had bought a cottage, accessible only by boat, my son, with his dad's help, trucked to the water the dock they had built.
Each in his own small boat, they then towed the floating dock to its permanent home.
On their way, the captain of a large yacht they passed called out: "Hey, guys.
You forgot to untie your boats!"
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Why aren't blond men considered intellectually challenged?
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As an instructional assistant for a public school, part of my job involves teaching small groups of children.
One day I was in charge of some third-graders, who were concentrating on their artwork.
As I reached across to help a student, he remarked that something smelled good.
I was pleased that he noticed my perfume, until he held a wide felt-tip pen up to his nose and said, "Yep. New markers."
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Gus & Pete were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up.
Bobbie walked by and asked what they were doing.
'We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole,' said Pete, 'but we don't have a ladder.'
Bobbie took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down.
Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement, announced, 'Eighteen feet, six inches,' and walked away.
Gus shook his head and laughed.
'Ain't that just like a woman!
We ask for the height and she gives us the length!'
Pete and Gus are currently working for the government...
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A golfer has one advantage over a fisherman, he does not have to show any proof.
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