Hello !....Good Morning......Hows every one this morning ?







Gotta do my morning exercises......

Next load, Fluff.......

Gotta keep my cool !....I can feel some fishies nibbling....

Sunrise in the country....

Bath time.......

We'll cross that bridge when we get there....

Not Me...Don't have t-paper wif me...

I was sitting on the couch one night reading about Einstein's theories.

Baffled, I turned to my wife next to me and commented, "Man, relativity is hard."

Without missing a beat she replied, "Compared to what?"

"Like heck it gets easier!

kids just get bigger, moodier, dirtier, louder and then, suddenly, like after a tornado, they're gone and it's way too quiet."

"It was on my fifth birthday that Papa put his hand on my shoulder and said, 'Remember, my son, if you ever need a helping hand, you'll find one at the end of your arm.'" (Sam Levenson...1911-1980)

The bride came down the aisle and when she reached the altar, the groom was standing there with his golf bag and clubs at his side.

She said:" What are your golf clubs doing here"?

He looked her right in the eye and said, "This isn't going to take all day, is it?"

"There is nothing more horrifying than stupidity in action." - Adlai E. Stevenson

Good Morning......Some body.....Everybody................








I'm no good until I've had my coffee....................

Always one in a bunch..........................

Break time.....................................................

Yep !, I see............................

Hang on...I gotta get a drink............................

And I an't had my coffee yet.....................

I'm hiding.....they'll never see me here..........

Boss: (to employee) - Experts say humor on the job relieves tension in this time of down-sizing, Knock, Knock.

Employee: Who's there?

Boss: Not you anymore.

My wife wanted to play the violin at our wedding reception, but right before, a string snapped.

Her mother made the announcement to our guests: I'm sorry to say that Amy cannot perform today.

Her G string broke."

One day a friend went to the mall for a beauty makeover.

Afterward, she stopped at the photo gallery to have pictures taken of her new look.

When she got home, her eight-year-old stared at her wide-eyed and exclaimed, "You look divorced!"

Job applicants were asked to fill out a questionnaire and to list their high schools and when they attended.

One prospective employee dutifully wrote the name of his high school.

Under time of attendance, he wrote: "Monday. Tuesday. Wednesday. Thursday and Friday."

Our daughter signed up for shop class because she thought it meant visiting different malls.

Well now....Good morning people of the world..................





Now thats a wipe out...

Look at that !......

I wouldn't be able to sleep. Hope you don't sleepwalk...

Mmmm, Pancakes this morning.........

I want somr with Honey on them.......

I'm after my breakfast...Hope he don't fly away......

Keep eating those sugar cookies........

Our family was horrified when my youngest sister arrived home from elementary school one day and informed us she knew how to French kiss.

She wanted to demonstrate, and she kissed my mother, first on one check, then the other, "There!" she stated proudly.

""That's how the French kiss!"

♠

Bureaucracy is a challenge that is best confronted with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary.

♠

When it comes to campaign promises, politicians can shift gears from forward to reverse without idling!

♠

While a police officer was on a routine matter at an elementary school, he was interrupted by a little girl who asked, "Are you a cop?"

"Yes, I am," he replied.

She then said, "My mother told me to ask a policeman if I ever needed help, so would you please tie my shoe?"

♠

China will no longer publish a phone directory due to chaos.
There are so many Wing's and Wong's in THE DIRECTORY, people were always wingin Wong numbers.

♥

"Let the wife make the husband glad to come home, and let him make her sorry to see him leave." (Martin Luther...1483-1546)

Good Morning..... Having a good weekend ? are ya.....................





I are.......I wished the sun were out...........................

I don't know .....I got my eyes on that feller down there...........

A creepy crawly thing....

WE's gots our eyes on him also...................

We's likes bugs.............

Don't try to get away down these steps !!

♣

Laughter is the jam on the toast of life; it adds flavor, keeps it from becoming too dry, and makes it easier to swallow.

♣

The aquarium shop has been in business for more than 20 years.

One Sunday a customer called wanting to buy a larger aquarium.

"And by the way, I've spent a lot of money at your store over the years," he said.

"I think I should get a discount."

"Only our owner can give a discount," I explained, and he won't be in until tomorrow."

When the customer said that he'd come in the next day, I asked him if there was anything else I could help him with.

"Sure," he said. "Where is your store located?"

♣

I was taking care of my six-year-old grandson, Devon, one afternoon while his mom went shopping.

It was so quiet that I went to check to see what he was doing.

He was lying on the sofa, ready to doze off.

"I don't think your mom wants you to nap in the afternoons anymore," I said to him.

"I'm sorry, but my foot went to sleep," he said, "and it went up into my eyes."

♣

A friend began teaching business classes at the local prison through a community college.

On his first night of class, he started a chapter on banking.

During the course of his lecture, the subject of ATMs came up, and he mentioned that, on average, most machines contain only about $1,500 at a given time.

Just then a man in the back raised his hand.

"I'm not trying to be disrespectful," he told my friend, "but the machine I robbed had about $5,000 in it."

♣

She said, "I have praise. Two months ago, my husband Jim had a terrible bicycle wreck and his scrotum was completely crushed.

The pain was excruciating and the doctors didn't know if they could help him."

You could hear an audible gasp from the men in the congregation as they imagined the pain that poor Jim experienced.

She continued, "Jim was unable to hold me or the children, and every move caused him terrible pain.

We prayed as the doctors performed a delicate operation.

They were able to piece together the crushed remnants of Jim's scrotum and wrap wire around it to hold it in place."

Again, the men in the congregation squirmed uncomfortably as they imagined the horrible surgery performed on Jim.

She continued, "Now, Jim is out of the hospital and the doctors say, with time, his scrotum should recover completely."

All the men sighed with relief.

The pastor rose and tentatively asked if anyone else had anything to say.

A man rose and walked to the podium.

He said, "I'm Jim and I want to tell my wife, the word is 'sternum'

Good Morning.....Every one ready for the weekend ?..











Yesterdays sunrise....None today...It's raining....






Hey... We're some foxy lookin cats.................

I don't know bout them guys.....

Well...They sure scared us !!

I got it..I got it.....

Youse guys sure are funny.......

☺

All in favor of conserving gasoline, please raise your right foot....

☺

We’re learning more about John McCain — he has 13 cars. And he can’t remember where he parked any of them.

☺

The hunched-back man decides very reluctantly, that he should go see a doctor after a few too many people have started to comment on his back.

Doctor: I need for you to get undressed, sir. (Hunchback removes jacket and then stops)

Hunchback: I really don't like getting undressed, doctor.

Doctor: If you want me to examine your back you'll have to get undressed. (Hunchback removes his shirt but leaves his t-shirt on)

Hunchback: I don't like showing people my back.

They always laugh at me.

Doctor: Do you want me to examine your back or not? (Very reluctantly, the hunchback removes his t-shirt)

Doctor: Ah...just how long is it since you were in school?

Hunchback: Gosh, over 20 years, doctor. Why?

Doctor: Did you ever wonder all those years what happened to your backpack?

☺

For over 30 years Bill had worked in construction in New York City.

Those many years working around loud machinery had taken its toll on Bill's body and he began to fear that he was losing his hearing.

So Bill went to the doctor and told him the problem.

He explained to the doctor that things had gotten so bad that he couldn't even hear himself fart.

The doctor examined Bill and then gave him some pills.

Bill asked, "Will these help me to hear better?"

The doctor replied, "No. They will make you fart louder."

☺

A cop pulls over a man that seemed to be driving all over the road.

He was slurring all his words so the officer gave him a breath test.

Turns out the man was not drinking.

The cop asked him why he was slurring his words. The man said, "Well sir, I will tell you.

My parents were both drunks and I was home schooled.

☺

Two drunks are walking along.

One drunk says to the other, "What a beautiful night... look at the moon.

"The other drunk stops and look at his drunken friend, "You are wrong, that's not the moon, that's the sun."

They started arguing for a while when they came upon another drunk walking, so they stopped him.

"Sir, could you please help settle our argument?

Tell us what that thing is up in the sky that's shining.

Is it the moon or the sun?"

The third drunk looked at the sky and then looked at them and said, "Sorry, I don't live around here."

We all live under the same sky, but we don't see the same horizon.

Good Morning.....friends...............................................................
♣





Well, blow me over,..damn dog scared me half to death............

We like to get after people.....we're just all bark...........................

Duck ! You scared him................................................................

Don't worry...Mom will take care of him......................................

Oh....I'm not worried......Ize sleepy...................................................................

I'm just hanging around, watching these fools............................

I can't hear you....naw..nee..naw.. naw !.......................................

Bobbie said:I am full-figured, and when I dine in restaurants.

I often find the chairs too small and uncomfortable.

The last time I ate out, I filled in a comment card, saying that while the food and service were wonderful, the chairs did not accommodate anyone over a size 14.

Several weeks later I received a note of apology and a coupon for a free dessert.

♣

Dear Rabbi I hope it’s OK if I have to remain anonymous but this is no joke.

I am one of those blokes who really suffer from an interfering mother-in-law.

She has an opinion on everything and sticks it in even when not asked for it.

My wife is very close to her and invites her round all the time which only puts a real strain between us.

Is there anything I can do?

Help! [Anonymous]
And here is the Rabbi’s reply: -

Dear AnonMake it look like an accident...

♣

The handsome father, in suit and a crisp white shirt that contrasted spectacularly with his deep tan, gave a speech at his daughters wedding reception.

He summed up by advising her new husband and I that when we quarrelled, whoever was in the wrong should go straight out to the garden and stay there until he or she cooled down.

After a pause, he added, "Well, I guess my tan speaks for itself, doesn’t it?"

♣

New Yorkers are a breed apart.

A man was mugged but had no cash.

Afraid he‘d be hurt, he offered to write the guy a check.

The thief said dumbfounded, a check?

Why would I take a check from you? I don ‘t even know you.

♣

My flight was delayed .

Since the gate was needed for another flight, our aircraft was backed away from the terminal, and we were directed to a new gate.

We all found the new gate, only to discover a third gate had been designated for our plane.

Finally, everyone got on board the right plane and the flight attendant announced: "We apologize for the gate change.

This flight is going to New york.

If your destination is not New York, you should deplane at this time."

A moment later a red-faced pilot emerged from the cockpit, carrying his bags.

"Sorry," he said, "wrong plane."

♣

It's a mistake to believe that government can give things to some people without first taking it away from others.

Notice....For some nice sunrise pictures check out our pictures at:.............

http://www.flickr.com/photos/aahey/

Good morning, every one !............................................................
Sorry I'm late, Thanks Too Yahoo dial up..................................






Yeah......he's giving the raspberry to Yahoo...............................

I'm just hanging around................................................................







I'm speeding on by.........................................................................







Speeding on by will get you arrested.............................................

Hey...coach...He's been spinning his wheels , now we got holes.

Don't worry....we'll fix it.................................................................

It was an unusually hectic evening at the emergency clinic.

The doctor on duty was simultaneously bombarded with questions, given forms to sign, and even asked for his dinner order.

The Nurse was in the next room, cleaning up a newly sutured wound, when she realized he hadn't given instructions for a bandage.

she poked by head out the door and asked, "What kind of dressing do you want on that?"

"Ranch," he replied.

♥

Q: What did the blonde say when she looked into a box of Cheerios?

A: "Oh look! Donut seeds!"

♥

Because the grass around our house was in poor condition, I had ordered several yards of soil, and was loading and dumping each wheelbarrow full of black earth at various spots about the lawn.

Our neighbor's son arrived home and noticed the many mounds of soil on our property.

"Boy," he announced to us, "have you got a gopher problem!"

♥

My daughter had absentmindedly left her sneakers on our kitchen table.

"That's disgusting," my husband grumbled. "Doesn't she realize we eat off that table?"

Then he went out back to work on the car.

I cleaned the table and left to do my grocery shopping.

When I came home I couldn't set my bags down anywhere.

Sitting in the middle of the kitchen table was a car muffler.

♥

"There is a very easy way to return from a casino with a small fortune:

go there with a large one."

♥

When Martians land on Earth, how will they tell which are the people and which are the pets?

Good Morning..... And hows everyone ?........................................
♦








Watch out for the Mushroom man....he's bad...bad.....................

What the.????????????...................................................................

Mushroom man is uglier then me.........................................................

We loves Mushrooms....come on down here, Mr Man.....................

I just wanna play , But not with pigs , I'll get dirty......................

I'll fight them off..Scared dog......................................................

♣

The well-dressed man entered the bank wanting to buy five silver dollars which he would give as gifts.

"How much?" he asked when they handed him the coins.

"That will be five dollars," they said.

Handing them back, he said, "Forget it. That's too much."

♠

While driving on the highway, my son noticed a child in the window of a car in the next lane, holding up a handwritten sign that read "Help."

A few minutes later, the car passed him and he again glanced at it.

The little boy held up the same sign and this time followed it with another, which read "My mother is singing!"

•

A cop was sent to a home to quiet down a party that happened to be attended only by women.

Once inside the house, a couple of the ladies stripped him of his shirt, and others took his shoes.

Soon several women were caressing him.

When his partner showed up, the women realized they'd made a mistake.

They had ordered a male stripper dressed as a policeman for the party.

When the real cop showed up, they thought he was the stripper.

No arrests were made.

◘

Children of Distinction: The promising seven-year-old was given the difficult assignment in class of describing the taste of chocolate ice cream in a single sentence.

"Chocolate," she explained, "tastes the opposite of vanilla."

How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it takes whole box to start a campfire?