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He's alright until you scare him....then look out......................
Reminds me of a couple I know.........................
An't I cute??................................................
Nah.....ugly baby hog.................................................
Me ?, I'm gonna hide till it's gone................................
Peeuuuuuuuuuuuu, something stinks in here.....................
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Male teacher: How did your class trip to the art museum go today?
Female teacher: I have never been so embarrassed in my life.
Male teacher: What happened?
Female teacher: I was explaining to kids why one painting of a woman with grotesque features was a brilliant work of modern art.
Male Teacher: How did the kids react?
Female teacher: They pointed out that I was looking into a mirror.
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An acquaintance of ours was, how do I put this delicately, not well loved.
So when he died, I was amazed to see how many people showed up for his funeral.
"I'm not surprised," said Pete. "
As P.T. Barnum said, 'Give the people what they want and they'll show up.'
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The elevator to success is out of order.
You'll have to use the stairs...one step at a time.
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"What do you have to do to become a doctor?" my six-year-old granddaughter once asked.
Her dad, seeing an opportunity, said, "You have to do extremely well in school, take a lot of math and science, get into an excellent college, make the highest grades possible, and then go to med school, and follow that with an internship.
Then you can start your own practice.
Honey, as smart as you are, you can be anything you want to be."
Amanda gave all this a moment's thought and then asked, "What do you have to do to be queen?"
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Money cannot buy happiness but it lets you be unhappy in nice places
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Desperation is a fellow shaving before stepping on the scale
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Recently, my five-year-old grandson was evaluated for admission to a private school.
He was told he was very very smart.
He responded, "Everyone in my family is smart.
It's in the pants."
Why do we use the word playboy to describe lecherous old men?
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