Great for a cookout and a swim..........................................
An't I cool...............................................................
We're riding away from this mess..............................
Itz scard me..............................................................
Dang it! I'm leaving too........................................................
I think he's cool.......................................................................
☼
My friend Marie and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant.
When an elderly waiter set chopsticks at our places, Marie made a point of reaching into her purse and pulling out her own pair.
"As an environmentalist," she declared, "I do not approve of destroying bamboo forests for throwaway utensils."
The waiter inspected her chopsticks.
"Very beautiful," he said politely.
"Ivory."
☼
We had our eight cows and a rented bull in our pasture for a month before the bull decided to jump the fence and visit our neighbor's cows.
We discussed with our neighbor the safest method to get the 1,700 pound bull back.
He suggested we build a gate between the pastures, leave it open, let our cows mix with theirs and separate them all during fall roundup.
But we underestimated the power of eight rejected 1,200 pound females.
Three days after the gate was left open, our neighbor's cows were on their side of the fence, and our eight cows and rented bull were on our side of the fence.
☼
A friend of mine, a strict vegetarian....... attended a presentation with his wife, and an announcement was made that door prizes would be given out at the end of the meeting.
Sure enough, he won the grand prize: $1,000 worth of beef.
☼
I was skimming through the church announcements when one caught my eye.
"Tonight, a speaker will tell us how to better prepare ourselves against heart attacks and strokes," read the notice.
"Afterwards, free pizza will be served."
☼
Thanks to my daughter, I have become thoroughly sensitized to environmental issues.
Recently I purchased a greeting card, and when the cashier started to place it in a plastic bag, I remembered my daughter's repeated warnings and immediately declined its use.
"I'll be mailing that quickly," I told the clerk.
"You can take the bag back."
"Okay. Have a good day," she said with a smile.
Then I watched as she scrunched the bag into a ball and tossed it into the garbage.
☼
I was talking to my doctor about a weight loss-patch I had seen advertised.
Supposedly, you stick it on and pounds melt away.
"Does it work?" I asked.
"Sure" he said, "if you put it over your mouth."
Advertising pest control slogan: Zero return on infestment.
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