Good Morning...Had a nice weekend, did ya..

<>

Mam, and her kitten......

Takin the kiddies for a swim...........

As you know by now...I like pictures of old barns.....

Sneaky looking critter.............

And of course Maxine............

<>

Two explorers, camped in the heart of the African jungle, were discussing their expedition.

“I came here,” said one, “because the urge to travel was in my blood.

City life bored me, and the smell of exhaust fumes on the highways made me sick.

I wanted to see the sunrise over new horizons and hear the flutter of birds that never had been seen by man.

I wanted to leave my footprints on sand unmarked before I came.

In short, I wanted to see nature in the raw.

What about you?”

“I came,” the second man replied, “because my son was taking saxophone lessons.”

<>

I heard "Researchers in Brazil have discovered a new use for coffee.

They've figured out a way to use the beans to make bio-fuel."

"I guess that means someday we'll pull up to the gas pump and have to

choose between regular and decaf."

<>

Teddy Roosevelt visited the Dakota Badlands, fell in love with the cattle business,

acquired two ranches, and became a gentleman cowhand.

The cowboys were in stiches when they heard him say,

the first time he took part in a roundup.

'Hasten forward quickly'!

<>

I got some new pajamas with pockets in them...

which is great because before that I used to have to hold stuff when I slept .

<>

To err is human......To really mess up and waste Billions is Politics...

Good Morning.....Everyone....We're having fun..

<>

Looks like "Westen" is having a few...........

What's this....cat hang out??

Deep thinking??

Mama walking her babies.........

And of course Maxine.................

<>

Laugh a lot, and when you're older, all your wrinkles will be in the right places.

<>

Mr. Clemens was vacationing on a riverboat casino on the Mississippi with his wife.

By the second day, they were already fighting.

"Your dresses are too tight," he screamed. "You look like a tramp."

"Oh," she replied, "You want to see me in something long and flowing?

If you find something long and flowing, let me know and I'll get in it."

So he pushed her into the river.

<>

Two men were playing golf together for the very first time.

The first player teed off and hit the ball into a clump of trees.

He finally got onto the fairway, only to hit the ball into a water hazard.

The next shot resulted in a new ball flying over a fence onto a busy street.

The second player said, "Maybe you should use an old ball for this shot."

The first player replied sheepishly, "I don't have any old balls."

<>

A woman who lives in Mississippi, was talking with her four year old son.

He asked her why all their relatives in Wisconsin talk funny and sound like their noses are plugged up.

"They think we have an accent," she replied.

"But they have an accent, right?" Brent asked. "They talk funny."

"Everybody talks in different ways" she tried to explain.

"To them, we sound like we talk very slow and all our words are d-r-a- w-n out."

His eyes got big, and he whispered seriously,

"Oh, no. You mean they hear funny too?"

<>

Bobbie sez;....

If you wish to grow thinner, diminish your dinner,And take to light claret instead of pale ale;

Look down with an utter contempt upon butter,And never touch bread till its toasted--or stale.

<>

God loved the flowers and invented soil.

Man loved the flowers and invented vases.

Good Morning....Another Saturday with out "Bobbie"

/\/\



Cute bugger..................................

I think he'd have a hard time flying......

You can tell I like Maxine..................

Another dog bird.................

A cat Rabbit.................He'll hop on the mouse....

More Maxine......

/\

A man was admiring the tropical fish in the pet shop When I offered my assistance, he mentioned that his new wife was a fish fancier.

After I showed him around, he shouted, "There she is! That's the one I'll take."

As I scooped out a large, sluggish goldfish with a gray splotch at the top of its head, the man exclaimed, "My bride will love this!

She's always wanted to know what my first wife looked like!"

><

If bankers can count, how come the average bank has 10 windows and only four tellers?

<>

*Electile Dysfunction;
The inability to become aroused over any of the choices for president put forth by either party in the 2008 election year.

<>

Some scientists say that a great many animals laugh. How can they help it when they watch what people do?

<>

The Post Office briefly considered issuing stamps with Bill and Hillary's faces on them.

However, test marketing verified that the customers would spit on the wrong side of the stamps.

A nice "Hot" Good Morning.....T.G.I.F....

.

The Humingbirds have to fight to feed these days.....

Cat squirrel ??

cool picture....long cigar............

The "Boss man" likes BUICKS..........................

Sorry....but thats how I feel also...................

For those who like Maxine..............................

*

At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation

of team curfew by attending a late night campus party.

Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young thing and eased

into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties.

"Oh, I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb

party animals," she said.

"What's your G.P.A.?"

Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted,

"I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."

*

Legendary bounty hunter Dwayne "Dog" Chapman employed a variety of ruses to capture his fugitives. For instance...

Though he suspected that one man was being harbored by his mother,

Chapman could not get the woman to cooperate.

His solution? "I called her and said I was the coroner," he recalled, "

and we had a badly mutilated corpse with her son's driver's license in the pocket.

She goes, 'Oh my God, he was supposed to be here at midnight!'

The guy rolled up at 12:10 and I was there to catch him."

So what name did Chapman give the woman when he told her that he was the coroner?

Hal Ketchum!

*

George & Aggie were in Boston for the first time to visit their son and family.

As they reached the front door of the terminal they hail a taxi , and got in.

As they headed for the city the driver, making some small talk, asks them where they are from?

Aggie asks George "WHAT'D HE SAY GEORGE?".

The old skipper leans over and yells in her ear,"HE ASKED WHERE WE'RE FROM!".

Then the old skipper says to the driver "We're from Stephenville".

"Oh" says the driver,"I was stationed there when I was in the airforce".

Again Aggie pipes up "WHATS THE FELLA SAYING NOW GEORGE..WHAT'D HE SAY".

"HE SAYS HE'S BEEN THERE".

"I see" says Aggie.

They drive along in silence for a while when the driver says,"You know I went with a girl when I was there, and she was the meanest most disagrable hag I ever hooked up with".

"WHATS HE SAYING NOW GEORGE ..I CAN'T HEAR HIM'.

The old skipper yells back,"HE THINKS HE KNOWS YA".

*

An elderly, wealthy woman in Florida was boring fellow beachcombers as she bragged on and on about her two remarkable grandchildren.

Unable to stand it any longer, a fellow sunbather interrupted her.

"Tell me, how old are your grandsons?"

The grandmother gave a grateful smile and replied,

"The doctor is four and the lawyer is six..."

*

The service area was located on a main highway leading to the beach.

The pump attendant was accustomed to seeing tired and sunburned occupants in the cars that pulled in to tank up.

When a rusty old station wagon containing a very tired looking couple and eight screaming children pulled into his station, the attendant tried small talk to cheer the occupants.

"Hope you had a good day at the beach!

Nice looking kids there.

Are they all yours or is this a picnic?"

Wearily, the driver replied, "Yes they are all mine and it is NO picnic!"

Good Morning....Every one...Hello Alison....

Miss Alison's friend......"Fluffy"

Fluffy likes to lay around........

He can sleep on his pet.........

He's cute......But he'll be a hand full when he grows up...

This is scary.......Watch that first step..........

Thats a nice trick.....

~

Two men were talking.

"My son asked me what I did during the Sexual Revolution," said one. "

I told him I was captured early and spent the duration doing the dishes.

said the other.

~

"The average national price of a gallon of gas hit an all-time record high this week.

Meaning that wherever you're going this summer,

it might be cheaper to mail your car."

~

One afternoon, the manager of our grocery store saw an older somewhat bewildered man staring at his shopping list.

When the manager approached, he noticed these words printed in large capital letters at the bottom of the page:

"YOU ARE NOW DONE SHOPPING, COME HOME!"

~

In a business class, we had to interview a variety of local farmers and write a report,

I thought the assignment was a waste of time until I spoke with one 78-year-old farmer.

"How much education do you have?" I asked.

"Six years of schoolin'" he replied, "and 72 years of learnin'."

Good Morning.....Friends and who ever........

..

Miss Bobbie's new Friend................Mr.Milo..

"Milo", and Friend.........

Mr. Squirrel .............

I thought this was a nice picture.......

A builders Boo, Boo?

*

Signs of the times:

Signin a bakery; "you're the object of our confections."

Sign in a cafe: " Our coffee urns its praise,"

Sign in a Produce department; "

Our watermelons are the best you ever seed."

Sign in a health food store: "To indulge is to bulge."

Sign on a St. Louis tourist poster: "Missouri loves company."

Sign in a reducing salon:" Where there's a will there's a waist."

Sign at a boat showroom: " Out to Launch."

Sign at the post office:" To each his zone."

Sign above a light switch:" Turn off please. Thanks a Watt."

Sign at a fruit stand:"Cider-easy to get now, will be hard later.

*

Can you believe how many award shows they have now?

It seems like that have an award show for everything.

They even have awards for commercials!

The CLIO Awards, a whole show full of commercials.

I TIVOed it and then I fast-forwarded through the whole thing.

*

The Captain was angry and could barely contain himself.

The sailing race of the year was about to start but he confronted his First Mate anyway.

"I just found out that you have been getting huge kickbacks from our suppliers which made our costs double!

Plus, I know you sold our new hull design to our biggest competitor team!!

I also understand that yesterday you fooled around with my wife!!!

Visibly shaken the Captain shouted,

"This is unacceptable behavior and beyond what could ever be forgiven!"

"You're absolutely right Captain" said the First Mate,

"I guess our winning streak together comes to an end today!"

"Uh, right....well, all I have to say is one more stunt and you're off the boat."

*

How would you define middle age.

"It's a time when action creaks louder than words."

Good Morning.....We're gonna win........

*

Birds like ice cream too..........................

Gonna be awhile...........

One way to mow the lawn............

Someones in a heap of trouble................

Their hungry.....momma........

*

For Father's Day, my colleague suggested our seventh class make her foolproof

strawberry freezer jam.

With the recipe printed on the chalkboard, we began.

Unfortunately, instead of adding two cups of crushed strawberries as required,

the children measured out two cups of whole berries, which they then crushed.

The resulting jam was gritty and pale pink,

but I told my disappointed kids they could add more berries at home to save their jam.

Stoically they bottled the crunchy gloop and stuck on their homemade labels.

I enjoyed checking the labels before they left until I found one that said:

"Roses are red. Violets are blue.

I wouldn't eat this stuff if I were you! Happy Father's Day."

*

While having dinner one night, Milton Berle asked his wife for a glass of water.

"Milton," she replied, "just for tonight why don't you get it yourself?"

Berle, starting for the kitchen door, suddenly stopped and turned.

"Where," he asked, "do we keep the water?"

*

I don't mind the neighborhood children who write their names in the dust on

the back of my automobile, just as long as they don't include the date too.

*

A six-year-old comes crying to his mother because his little sister pulled his hair.

"Don't be angry," the mother says,

"Your little sister doesn't realize that pulling hair hurts."

A short while later, there's more crying, and the mother goes to investigate.

This time the sister is bawling and her brother says, "She knows now."

*

Getting over a painful experience is much like crossing monkey bars.

You have to let go at some point in order to move forward.

8

Good Morning... All the good readers..and Missy !

*

Gotta get my beauty rest........

An't I the pretty one??

Just heard, George Carlin passed yesterday at 71. R.I.P.







Looks cool...........

May the best person win.........

*

Our lives are divided into three distinct stages:

childhood,

middle years,

and "you're still looking good."

*

At our office, the vending machine often takes the money but refuses

to dispense the goods.

When this happens, the victim attaches a note to the machine relating

the incident and is reimbursed when the vendor refills it.

One note I read was a little different, though:

"Vendor, Please check the labels on your products.

The Pepsi is not Diet, the rice cakes are Twinkies, the pretzels are Cheez-Its...

and I'm getting fat!"

*

A civil engineer, had to spend quite a bit of time on a construction site

to supervise the work,

he felt that he, like the workers, should wear a safety helmet.

He ordered one, and the company shipped it parcel post.

When the package arrived, he wondered if he should really trust the

helmet with his safety: the parcel was labeled FRAGILE.

*

The office cubicle has turned 40 years old.

The unique structures have revolutionized the work environment.

Now most government buildings can sleep up to 4 times as many employees."

*

Witchy and I were watching a drunk guy weave down the sidewalk.

She asked, "Do you think that he's drunk?"

I said, "No, he walks like that in case someone is trying to shoot him."

*

Good Morning...Having a good weekend ?

`


Give me a kiss.....honey!




Makes you wanna buy their record...don't it....

....................................

Who's watching them ?

I'm going...I'm going.........................

*

A woman was on her knees cleaning the oven when her husband came

home after a round of golf.

He saw the sweat pouring off her brow and looked concerned.

"Hold on, honey," he said.

"I can help."

Seconds later he was back.

He handed her a cushion and said, "Kneel on this."

*

Brandon, my nephew, was excited about beginning seventh grade,

starting phys-ed classes and having his own locker.

Deodorant was one of the requirements listed by the phys-ed teacher,

and Brandon's mother, knowing he had never used it before,

asked, "Now you know where it goes, don't you?"

"Of course," Brandon replied, "on my locker shelf."

*

It is my responsibility to ensure that our business publication is labelled,

bundled and bagged before going to the post office.

A few days after one of our mailings,

I received a call from the post-office representative who informed me that the

mailbags had been filled to the point where his men refused to lift them because

of their weight.

"Who prepares your mailbags?" he asked.

"My mother and my aunt," I answered.

*

"Here lies Shirley,

wife of Morris Rosen, L. L. D., Wills, Divorce, Malpractice,

and Immigration Legal Services"

Suddenly, Morris bursts into tears.

His brother says, "You SHOULD cry,

pulling a cheap stunt like this on Shirley's tombstone!"

Through his tears, Morris sobs, "You don't understand!

They left out the phone number!"

*

A doctor was examining a gorgeous young Blonde fashion model who was

having sharp pains in her abdomen.

"Young lady, you have acute appendicitis," the doctor explained.

"Don't try flattering me, doctor," the woman angrily replied.

"I just want to be examined, not complimented."

Good Morning....I think....I'll let you know, later..

.


Thats cruel...........

Before.........

And after Dr. Matthews miracle diet....No food.

The tooth fairy ??

I'm gonna get it all........

0

When dogs leap onto your bed, it's because they adore being with you.

When cats leap onto your bed, it's because they adore your bed.

0

My mom got mad at my dad the other day and went shopping to relieve her irritation.

When she returned home she informed him that she had purchased ten new dresses.

"Ten!" he hollered, "What could any woman want with ten new dresses??"

My mom calmly replied, "Ten new pairs of shoes."

o

At a ladies' social in our church, the special guest was a professional opera singer.

Halfway through her song, her voice cracked and she stopped singing.

She apologized, explaining that her mother, who was present,

had been moved to tears, and this had affected her performance.

She completed the song and then once again apologized for the interruption.

Our hostess, wanting to show understanding and appreciation, said:

"Oh, please don't apologize. Why, if I were your mother, I'd cry too!"

o

Gus's wife asked if he wanted to renew their vows.

He got so excited, he thought they had expired.