Thursday, November 12, 2015



Pick up a book, any book. Open to the middle,
and read the first paragraph.
 Make sense?
 Welcome to Twitter.
I accidentally dripped some mustard on my
newborn daughter’s forehead and long story
short a nurse just walked in and saw me lick
the baby.
Bacon causes cancer.
 Canadian bacon apologizes.
The young suitor was determined to win the
heart of the girl he wanted to marry, in spite
of her rejection of his proposals a number
of times.
He began what can only be called
"campaigning" and sent her a small token of
his affection to her house every day for a
Soon, the young lady fell in love with the UPS
How many Iraqis does it take...
to launch a Scud missile?
One to launch it, one to watch CNN to find
out where it landed.
Don't people with bumper stickers realize...
it takes a t-shirt to change a person's deeply
held beliefs?
Psychiatrist: "Your check was returned
for insufficient funds."
Me: "So how does that make you feel?"
I hate when I'm singing along to the Beatles...
and they mess up the lyrics.
I recently added squats to my workout...
by moving the beer to the bottom shelf of the
My roommate wouldn't let me name our wireless
network 'Bill Wi the Science Fi' because he has
no sense of humor.