Be at war with your vices, at peace with your
neighbors, and let every new year find you a
Only 2 more days until millions of people join
the gym for a week..
Can't wait to say "I haven't seen you since last
year!" to everyone I see next week.
I'm a very popular person with thousands of
I made the mistake of watching a single zit
popping video on youtube and now my
recommendations screen is trying to make me
Croquettes are not female crocodiles.........
yo mama so fat...
She got more chins than a Chinese phone book...
My doctor said I shouldn't binge drink,
so now I just drink all the time.
The year is 2075.
A student asks how World War 3 began.
The teacher responds with "Well, James Franco
and Seth Rogen made a movie..."
If you've ever watched a butcher wrap pork chops
you've seen me wrapping Christmas presents.
You look so perfect standing there,
In my American Apparel underwear,
But I know now you probably opened the wrong
Christmas present grandma.....
yo mama sooo ugly...
When she looks in the mirror her reflection ducks.