Saturday, April 26, 2014

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Illinois Mid-Term elections . . .  
In the upcoming Illinois Primary and General 
Mid-term elections, candidates on Chicago’s 
Democratic ballot will include someone who 
served a prison term for bribery, another who 
is due to go on trial on bribery charges and a 
third charged with bank fraud. 
Or, as it is known in Chicago, an election. 

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A wireless bra?   
They weren't tricky enough, now I need a 
password? 

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I've been told I'm not ambitious enough. 
If only there was an Olympic sport for being a 
lazy bastard, that bronze medal would be mine. 

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On one occasion a student burst into his office. 
"Professor Stigler, I don't believe I deserve this F 
you've given me." 
To which Stigler replied, "I agree, but 
unfortunately it is the lowest grade the
University will allow me to award."

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'A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself
because he can't help himself'

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Good News, Bad News, Worse News
Good: Your hubby and you agree, no more 
kids.
Bad: You can't find your birth control pills
Worse: Your daughter borrowed them....

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It's okay to kiss a nun, 
just don't get into the habit..

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My dad discovered the Internet. 
Uh, just because someone raised you, does not 
mean that you have to add them on Facebook. 

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What is the difference between a toilet and 
Convenience Store Clerk?
A toilet only has to deal with one asshole at a time.

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ON PUBLISHING OR PERISHING I am returning 
this otherwise good typing paper to you because 
someone has printed gibberish all over it and put 
your name at the top. 
-- English Professor, Ohio University

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Send this Quote to a friend! 
Do you know what it means to come home at 
night to a woman who'll give you a little love, 
a little affection, a little tenderness? 
It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it 
means.......

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