Wednesday, March 31, 2010

Good spring morning, neighbors.....
Well we are going to have a great week, weather wise...

My little dwarf plum tree is blooming....
can't wait for the plums...

Kermit is evil....a green evil......

Damn, must be nap time....

Be careful little one, you might end up in the washer....

Lambs going home....nap time??

Yea, baby!

No, I didn't..... working on your house again??

~~ While we were working at a men's clothing store, a customer

asked my coworker Phil to help her pick out a tie that would make her
husband's blue eyes stand out.
"Ma'am," he explained, "any tie will make blue eyes stand out if you tie
it tight enough.

~~ I don't get these people who, instead of buying a four or an
eight-pack of toilet paper, buy the single, individual roll.
Are they trying to quit?
( Pete buys corn cobs by the gunny sack )

~~ Phil was sitting on his porch, when this fella walked up
with a pad and pencil in his hand.
"What can I do for you?" Phil politely asked......
"You selling something?"
"No, sir, I'm not........ I'm a Census Taker."
"A what?"
"A Census Taker...... We're trying to find out how many people
are in the United States."
"You're wasting your time here....... I have no idea."

~~ Pete is allergic to cotton.
He has pills that he can take, but he can't get them out of the bottle.

~~ A gnome is in the garden busily destroying some bushes when a
house cat appears. "What are you?" asks the cat.
"A gnome," comes the reply.
"I steal food from humans, I kill their plants, I make annoying music at
night to drive them crazy, and I love mischief.
And what, may I ask, are you?"
The cat replies, "Um, I'm a gnome."

~~ Gus goes to the doctor for a check up.
The doctor tells his patient: "Well I have good news and bad news..."
Gus says, "Lay it on me Doc. What's the bad news?"
"You have Alzheimer's disease."
"Good heavens! What's the good news?"
"You can go home and forget about it...

~~ Frances and her friend Rachel were having a chat about their sons.
"So Rachel," ask Frances, "I hear that your Paul has just been made a
director of his company.
Is he a good businessman then?"
"Is he a good businessman?" replies Rachel.
"Yes indeed.
He's a brilliant businessman Frances.
In fact my Paul is so dedicated to his company that every night he takes
his secretary to bed with him just in case he comes up with a brilliant idea."

~~ There is only one thing that costs more than education today,
the lack of it.

~~ I was attending a benefit, and before the show began,
I walked up to a man wearing fatigues.
"I just want to thank you for your service to our country," I told him.
He looked thoroughly confused, but I walked away knowing I'd done
the right thing.
Later, when my soldier took the stage along with a police officer,
a construction worker, and a Native American, it dawned on me why
he'd had a puzzled expression—
I had thanked a member of the Village People.

~~ What do you call... a mushroom that sits at the end of the bar and
buys everybody drinks??
A fungi!

Todays thought:  Those who cause dissensions in order to injure other people are

preparing pitfalls for their own ruin.

  Another messed up post....come on Google fix the left alignment please....

Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Good Morning, Friends and Neighbors...Having some great weather
now.... Pete...waiting to see you at the forum....

No cookies for the dog....Alpo..

Give me back my fish.....

Yep...spring has sprung....
As you can tell, I like Eno....He's tha Man....
                                                                                                                                                                               ~~ A girl went to a large museum with her father.

They entered a gallery filled with a multitude of modern works in
display cases.
A sign on the wall read, "Art Objects." Turning to her father,
the girl asked him, "If Art objects, why is he letting them show his things?"

~~ Man walks into the Doctors office.
“I have the results of your test and I’m afraid you’re going to die”
Says the Doctor.
The Man asks “How long do I have to live?”
“Ten...”, replies the Doctor.
“What the heck does that mean”, the Man asks.
“Ten Years, Ten Months, Ten weeks. What?”
The Doctor Replies “Nine....”

~~ An elderly and somewhat hard-of-hearing man was sitting in a
stylish downtown attorney’s office as his lawyer handed him his will.
"Your estate is very complex," said the lawyer, "but I’ve made sure
that all of your wishes will be executed.
Due to the complexity, my fee is $4500."
Just then, the phone rang and the lawyer got involved with a long call.
Thinking the lawyer had said "$500," the old man wrote out his check
and left.
When she got off the phone and realized the old man’s mistake,
the lawyer ran after him down the stairs and into the parking lot just as
he drove away.
Feeling frustrated, the lawyer looked at the check and decided to
accept the situation philosophically.
"Oh well," she said to herself, "$500 for half an hour’s work isn’t bad."

~~ My ten-year-old son was poking around in the kitchen,
looking for something to eat, when he decided to have a snack of
tortilla chips and salsa.
In the pantry, he found the only salsa we had, which was labelled
He managed to eat just a few chips before having to gulp down a
large glass of water.
"Mom," he asked me as his mouth was cooling off,
"Do they make beginner's salsa?"

~~ During the credit crunch, a guy went to an ATM and it said
"insufficient funds".
He wondered: "Is it them or me?"

~~ The sixth-grade summer band class was just getting under way
when a large insect flew into the room.
The students, eager to play their shiny new instruments, tried to
ignore the buzzing intruder, but eventually one student could stand it
no more.
He rolled up his music book and swatted the insect, and then he
stomped on it to ensure its fate.
"Is it a bee?" another student asked.
"Nope," he replied. "It's a bee flat."

~~ Republican John McCain, shocked a recent campaign audience,
by exclaiming, he was "Independent".
What he actually said was, he was "in Depends". (Jimmy Kimmel)

~~ The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't
keep his eyes off of her.
Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right
out of joint looking at her.
When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . .
well . . . unusual request.
But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."
The repairman quickly agreed and she went on.
"Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is
a kind, decent man, 'sigh', he has a certain physical weakness.
A certain disability.
Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "
The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes...yes!"
"And since I've been wanting to ever since you came in the door..."
"Yes... yes!"
"Would you help me move the refrigerator?"

~~ About twenty years ago I went to the Grand Canyon with my folks,
while we were there I saw an Indian with a sign that read
"Indian Never Forgets."
Intrigued, I went up to him and asked:
"So you remember everything?"
"So what did you have for breakfast five years ago?"
"What did you have for breakfast ten years ago?"
Thinking it was a bunch of crap, I left and forgot about him...
Until this year I took my kids to the Grand Canyon, and saw the same
Indian standing there with the same sign.
I thought I'd be nice to him so I walk up to him and raise my right hand:

~~ As an obstetrician, I sometimes see unusual tattoos when working
in labor and delivery.
One patient had some type of fish tattoo on her abdomen.
"That sure is a pretty whale," I commented.
With a smile she replied, "It used to be a dolphin."

Todays Thought:  There are three things around the house that the wise man leaves alone,

the electricity, the plumbing, and the children's new math.

One hour and 20 min. Blogspot keeps messing up..
see the errors?

Monday, March 29, 2010

Good Morning, Friends....It's still showery...
Supposed to be in the 80's for the Easter Weekend....
WOW, gonna be nice.......

That's a great program to have......

Watta yo hungry?

He's looking for something to eat......

This litter is just hanging out....
just keeping them out of trouble...

Damn, he's tossing and turning........

Wedding pictures? cool looking couple....

Wearing the wedding cake...
I don't know about this.....

I wouldn't talk if I were you....

Pick up? I don't need no pickup...
I can see through the holes.....

Missed the turn, did yah??
better check the brakes too!

coustom car.....Or??
but it's cool lookin....

~~ Lulu said: I went to the doctor for my yearly physical.

The nurse started with certain basics.
"How much do you weigh?", she asked.
"135," I replied.
The nurse put me on the scale. It turns out my weight is 180.
The nurse asked: "Your height?"
"5 feet, 6 inches," I answered.
The nurse checked and saw that I only measure 5 feet, 3 inches.
She then took my blood pressure and told me that it's very high.
"Of course it's high!" I screamed.
"When I came in here I was tall and slender!
Now I'm short and fat.
She put me on Prozac.

~~ Paddy's on a bus when a blonde starts breastfeeding her baby.
She says, "Come on now & eat up or I'll give it to that man over there."
5 minutes later she says it again & again 10 minutes later until Paddy
looks over & shouts, "For goodness sake Missus, will you make your
mind up!........ I should've got off 3 stops ago!"

~~ We always want the best man to win an election.
Unfortunately, he never runs.

~~ Pete said his favorite finds while "antiquing" are old but useful items.
And he learned something *very* useful this week:
Chamber pots have one handle; soup tureens have two.
he said he wished I'd known that LAST week.

~~ Yogi Berra was a philosopher.
He is the thinker who said that you've got to be very careful if you
don't know where you're going because you might not get there...

~~ A patient has a sore throat and goes to a doctor
to get treatment for it.
Doctor: Your tonsils gotta come out.
Patient: I wanna second opinion.
Doctor: Okay, you're ugly, too.

~~ Duct tape is like 'the force'.
It has a light side & a dark side, and it holds the universe together.

~~ A friend of mine was asked to open her bag when she visited the
annual Air Show on a nearby base.
She was appalled by the indignity and said so:
"You searched me last year!"

~~ I saw a beggar who was so broke that he was standing on the corner
shouting as the cars went by...

~~ God summoned Jesus for a paternal chat.
"Have you found any work yet, my son?" he asked.
"Yes" replied Jesus.
"I've been offered two jobs, one as a carpenter on Mars at $35,000 a
year and one on Earth at $45,000 a year."
"So, which one will you choose?" said God.
"I think I'm going to take the job on Mars," replied Jesus.
God was mystified.
"But you've been offered 45K on Earth and only 35K on Mars.
I don't understand your reasoning."
"Yes" said Jesus, "but last time I was on Earth I was hammered with tax."

~~ Everyone needs a dog to adore him, and a cat to shock him back
to reality.

Todays Thought;  A bachelor is just a fellow who has bad habits and the freedom to

enjoy them.


Sunday, March 28, 2010

Good Morning, Everyone.....Having a good weekend?
A little chilly here...but the suns out.....
Supposed to get warmer now....

Reminds me.....gotta get dressed and go for some Breakfast....
The biscuits and sausage gravy is calling me.
Eat your heart out "Pete"......

We can have beer later.....
I take it he don't like beer.....
This one wants fish for breakfast!
Or maybe Lobster??
This kitty thinks it funny seeing a furry Lobster.....
Hey! Bubba....We all want Change......
Yep! this Blog is great.....
You can laugh any time....
(oh, I loved this show..)
☺                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                               ~~ A customer brought her car into our Saturn dealership complaining
of rattling noises.
Later, the technician said the problem was no big deal.
"Just a case of CTIP: Customer Thinks It's a Porsche."

~~ A man who had been caught embezzling millions from his employer
went to a lawyer seeking defense.
He didn’t want to go to jail.
But his lawyer told him, "Don’t worry.
You’ll never have to go to jail with all that money.”
And the lawyer was right.
When the man was sent to prison, he didn’t have a dime.

~~ Playing Doctor
The seven-year old girl told her mom, "A boy in my class asked me to
play doctor."
"Oh, dear," the mother nervously sighed. "What happened, honey?"
"Nothing, he made me wait 45 minutes and then double-billed the
insurance company."

~~ Lawyer: "Now that you have been acquitted, will you tell me truly?
Did you steal the car?"
Client: "After hearing your amazing argument in court this morning,
I’m beginning to think I didn’t"

~~ She was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a son,
after his cesarean birth.
Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia we took our
tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy.
While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears
conspicuously standing out from his head.
He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like
The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy,
the ears could be easily corrected during childhood.
The father still worried about his wife's reaction to those large protruding
"She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried.
By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son.
I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back
so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time.
She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and
gasped, "Oh Honey! Look! He has your ears!"

~~ Those who try to take the elevator to achieve success will likely
find that they never land on the right floor.
Success comes by climbing the stairs.

~~ Three women are having lunch, discussing their husbands.
The first says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it.
I found a pair of stockings in his jacket pocket, and they weren't mine!"
The second says, "My husband is cheating on me, I just know it.
I found a condom in his wallet, so I poked it full of holes with my
sewing needle!"
The third woman fainted.

~~ A man came down with the flu and was forced to stay home one day.
He was glad for the sudden illness because it taught him how much his
wife loved him.
She was so thrilled to have him around that when a delivery man or the
mailman arrived, she ran out and yelled,
"My husband's home! My husband's home!"

~~ One night a woman found her husband standing over their newborn
baby's crib.
Silently she watched him. As he stood looking down at the sleeping
infant, she saw on his face a mixture of feelings: disbelief, doubt, delight,
amazement, enchantment, skepticism.
Touched by his rare display of deep emotion, she felt her eyes grow
She slipped her arms around her husband.
"A penny for your thoughts," she whispered tenderly in his ear.
"It's amazing," he replied.
"A miracle almost.
I just can't see how anybody can make a crib like this for only $49.95!"

~~ I took a real estate client to a handyman special.
The place was great, and we couldn't understand why it was so cheap,
until we turned on the water main and water gushed from the ceiling.
Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing:
"Nice house," he said......... "It's even self-cleaning."

~~ The old man died while he was making love with his old wife.
They made love every Sunday morning to the rhythm of the church bells,
nice and slow, and then that ice cream truck came along.

~~ You can run an office without a boss, but you can't run an office
without the secretaries.

~~ A young student reported for a final examination that consisted of
only true/false questions.
The student took a seat in the hall, stared at the test for five minutes,
removed a coin from his pocket and started tossing the coin and
marking the answer sheet.
Heads meant true, tails meant false.
The young student finished the exam in 30 minutes,
while the rest of the class was sweating it out.
Suddenly, during the last few minutes, the young student began
desperately throwing the coin and sweating profusely.
The moderator, alarmed, approached the student and asked what was
going on.
"Well, I finished the exam in half an hour," said the student,
"but I thought I ought to recheck my answers."

Todays Thought:  Golf is a lot like taxes — you drive hard to get to the green and then

wind up in the hole.

Saturday, March 27, 2010

Good Morning...friends and neighbors....
Cold spell this weekend....and some rain tomorrow.....
Squirrels hungry....eating my new plants....

A mouse? somethins fishy.........

A baby Panda, saying hi.....

Need some Bunnies?
Cat bed?

He's hungry... he's saying feed me....

I'm not going to explain it.....

He's saying...OMG, look at that snake.....

Now this is scary....I don't do snakes.....

A Starving artist is just as hungry as anyone else.....

Any one got a jack??  house seems out of level....


~~ Our hometown baseball team is called the Greene Possums.

They get killed on the road.

~~ Critics are like eunuchs in a harem.
They're there every night, they see it done every night, they see how it
should be done every night, but they can't do it themselves.

~~ Seven-year-old Hailey found a package of birth control pills in the
bathroom of her mother Suzanne.
"Mommy, what are these?" the girl asked. Suzanne answered,
"Oh, I take those when I have a headache.
They're just for moms."
Hailey studied the empty rows and replied, "Looks like you've had a lot
of headaches."

~~ When five-year-old Melody started using a big girl toothbrush,
her mother Wendy instructed her, "Squeeze the tube until you get about
a pea-size glob of toothpaste on the brush."
Melody began squeezing the toothpaste tube and then asked,
"A capital p or a small p?"

~~ Many people take no care of their money till they come nearly to the
end of it, and others do just the same with their time.

~~ A state trooper heard this plea on his radio:
"Does anyone know where I'm at? I'm all screwed up."
It was a policeman who had lost his way.
Another voice rang out, bold and authoritative:
"Would the officer making that last transmission please identify himself?"
After a short silence, a third unidentified voice said,
"He's not that screwed up."

~~ An English teacher wrote these words on the whiteboard:
“woman without her man is nothing”.
The teacher then asked the students to punctuate the words correctly.
The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing.”
The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”

~~ An Irish Inventor
The following is a list of inventions.
They were the brainchildren of the Kerry man who was history's
unluckiest producer of lemonade.
Over the years he came up with 4-up, 5-up, 6-up and then stopped!
And if that isn't bad enough, look at other things he produced:
An inflatable dartboard
A chocolate kettle
A soluble life-raft
A solar-powered torch....

~~ My niece, pregnant with her second child, was certain she wanted
an epidural for pain management during childbirth.
Her doctor asked her at which stage of labor she wanted the epidural
Her response: "Just meet me in the parking lot."

Todays Thought:
The only thing we learn from a new election is we learned nothing from the old.