We have fun with it, so today all the pics have something to
do with Halloween......
What can I say....they talk to me....not you.......
If you send in now....he will double the offer!!.....Oh...Yah!!
How can you resist this .......She's worth two Mars bars.........
Thats a heck of a trick!!........
A Scary Smily...........
How about this mask??.....
Well, time for me to leave on this one......( just a little..I think not...)
~~ Question: How do you handcuff a one-armed man?
~~ A woman walked into her friend's office.
She found her friend sitting at her desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what's up with you?," she asked.
"Oh, it's my husband," replied the woman.
"He's hired a new secretary for me and he's male."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," she said, "Is he talk, dark and
"Yup...and he's gay."
~~ Why are proctologists always so gloomy?
Because they always have the end in sight...
~~ Many years ago unmarried women were told that if they sat
in a darkened room and looked into a mirror on Halloween night,
he face of their future husband would appear.
However, if they were destined to die before marriage,
a skull would appear.
~~ I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier
staring at the pretty girl in front of me.
Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill,
she waited for change.
"Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the
proper amount...... "Have a great day!"
Now I placed my items on the counter.
The tally was $32.79, and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill.
"I'm sorry, Sir..... We can't accept anything larger than a fifty,"
he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy.
"But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned.
"I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it."
~~ Bob and Bill were sitting in a bar, and Bob was looking really
down in the dumps.
"What's the matter?" Bill asked.
"I don't get it," Bob sighed.
"The dating scene is so confusing.
There are so many damn people you have to please.
Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me,
but her father hated me.
Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really
liked me, but SHE didn't like me.
And then there was this woman I met last night.
She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me
too, BUT her husband couldn't stand me!"..
~~ While instructing my kindergartners in the proper use of
computers, I reminded them it was important to use quiet voices.
"Does anyone know why? I asked.
One student had an answer: "So everyone can constipate."
~~ During the last session of our teaching workshop,
participants were asked to state their personal goals for
the immediate future.
One teacher vowed to update photo albums,
another to lose weight.
The goal that got the most response, however, was given
by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher.
"I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout
in less than an hour," she said.
~~ A guy goes into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot but
it has a blue string handing from one foot and a red one from the
He thinks this is a little strange so he asks the shopkeeper what
the strings are for.
"Well this is a highly trained parrot" the shopkeeper replies.
"If you pull the red string he talks in French, if you pull the blue
string he talks in English".
"Wow" exclaims the man shopping that's really neat
"What happens if you pull them both at the same time?"
"I fall off my perch you idiot!" exclaims the parrot.
~~ QUESTION: What do you get when you cross a telephone
with a very big football player?
ANSWER: A wide receiver.
~~ Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love
~~ A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and
daughter were watching TV in the living room.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,
then complete silence.
The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.
~~ Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.................
Todays Thought: Good taste is boundless, while bad taste knows no bounds..