Saturday, October 31, 2009

Good Morning....and Happy Halloween to those that celebrate....
We have fun with it, so today all the pics have something to
do with Halloween......

What can I say....they talk to me....not you.......
I'm special....


If you send in now....he will double the offer!!.....Oh...Yah!!

How can you resist this .......She's worth two Mars bars.........

Thats a heck of a trick!!........

 A Scary Smily...........

How about this mask??.....

Well, time for me to leave on this one......( just a little..I think not...)

~~ Question: How do you handcuff a one-armed man?


~~ A woman walked into her friend's office.
She found her friend sitting at her desk, looking very depressed.
"Hey, what's up with you?," she asked.
"Oh, it's my husband," replied the woman.
"He's hired a new secretary for me and he's male."
"Well, nothing wrong in that," she said, "Is he talk, dark and
"Yup...and he's gay."

~~ Why are proctologists always so gloomy?
Because they always have the end in sight...

~~ Many years ago unmarried women were told that if they sat
in a darkened room and looked into a mirror on Halloween night,
he face of their future husband would appear.
However, if they were destined to die before marriage,
a skull would appear.

~~ I was at the drugstore and noticed a young male cashier
staring at the pretty girl in front of me.
Her total came to $16.42, and after handing over a $100 bill,
she waited for change.
"Here you go," said the cashier, smiling as he returned the
proper amount...... "Have a great day!"
Now I placed my items on the counter.
The tally was $32.79, and I too gave the cashier a $100 bill.
"I'm sorry, Sir..... We can't accept anything larger than a fifty,"
he told me, pointing to a sign stating store policy.
"But you just accepted that last girl's hundred," I reasoned.
"I had to," he said. "It had her phone number on it."

~~ Bob and Bill were sitting in a bar, and Bob was looking really
down in the dumps.
"What's the matter?" Bill asked.
"I don't get it," Bob sighed.
"The dating scene is so confusing.
There are so many damn people you have to please.
Like this one woman, she liked me, her mom liked me,
but her father hated me.
Then there was this other woman, both of her parents really
liked me, but SHE didn't like me.
And then there was this woman I met last night.
She absolutely loved me, her parents seemed to really like me
too, BUT her husband couldn't stand me!"..

~~ While instructing my kindergartners in the proper use of
computers, I reminded them it was important to use quiet voices.
"Does anyone know why? I asked.
One student had an answer: "So everyone can constipate."

~~ During the last session of our teaching workshop,
participants were asked to state their personal goals for
the immediate future.
One teacher vowed to update photo albums,
another to lose weight.
The goal that got the most response, however, was given
by a slightly out-of-shape kindergarten teacher.
"I resolve to exercise until I can complete a 20-minute workout
in less than an hour," she said.

~~ A guy goes into a pet store and sees a beautiful parrot but

it has a blue string handing from one foot and a red one from the
He thinks this is a little strange so he asks the shopkeeper what
the strings are for.
"Well this is a highly trained parrot" the shopkeeper replies.
"If you pull the red string he talks in French, if you pull the blue
string he talks in English".
"Wow" exclaims the man shopping that's really neat
"What happens if you pull them both at the same time?"
"I fall off my perch you idiot!" exclaims the parrot.

~~ QUESTION: What do you get when you cross a telephone
with a very big football player?
ANSWER: A wide receiver.

~~ Girl: Do you love me?

Boy: Yes Dear
Girl: Would you die for me?
Boy: No, mine is undying love

~~ A mother and son were doing dishes while the father and
daughter were watching TV in the living room.
Suddenly, there was a loud crash of breaking plates,
then complete silence.
The daughter turned to look at her father.
Daughter: It's mummy!
Father: How do you know?
Daughter: She didn't say anything.

~~ Man: How old is your father?
Boy: As old as me
Man: How can that be?
Boy: He became a father only when I was born.................
Todays Thought: Good taste is boundless, while bad taste knows no bounds..

Friday, October 30, 2009

Good Morning...Friends........Getting ready for the weekend?
We're going to have showers all week end......

This is a cutie..........

Play it, again Sam...... A Jazz squirrel ???

He's saying....I hear ya...I hear ya.......

From her looks...I don't think she likes this at all....


One way to customize your truck....

Neat....swine flu mask..........

I think you "Broke" it..........

Well it's time for me to leave....(see the sign in the background)
~~ Tired of finding that other people are helping themselves to

your good liquor at BYOB parties?
Take along a candle, which you insert and light after you've
opened the bottle.
No one ever expects to find anything drinkable in a bottle which
has a candle stuck in its neck!

~~ Teacher: History is a very interesting subject.
It tells you about what had happened in the past.
Student: Please teacher, I don't think I want to study history.
Teacher: Why?
Student: There is no future in it.

~~ Quote:"A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or
PH.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B." (Fats Domino)

~~ King Nebuchadnezzar of Babylon was astonished that the
hungry lions had not eaten Daniel.
He summoned Daniel and promised him that if he would reveal
his secret, the king would give him his freedom.
"It was easy, your excellency," Daniel said.
"I went around and whispered in each lion's ear...
'After dinner, there will be speeches.'"


Where they tear out the trees and then name streets after them.

~~ Residents in a dementia unit are usually there because they
"exit- seek" and are not safe to live on their own.
Once they move in, they are very creative in the ways they try
to get out.
One particularly creative lady has a granddaughter who is a
This granddaughter came to visit in full uniform.
The resident leaned over and whispered to her,
"Can't you just pretend to arrest me and get me out of here?"

~~ When my daughter, Ree, was five, I gave her a scratch card.
Excitedly, she started scratching the silver panel with a coin.
When she was done, she looked at the card.
She sighed, continued scratching, then looked at the card again.
"Can you help me?" she asked.
I looked at the card, "Sorry dear," I said, "You didn't win."
"But Dad," Ree said,...... "it says, "Try again!"

~~ Children are like mosquitoes...
the minute they stop making noise, they're into something.

~~ A survey taken a few years ago polled 10,000 U.S. nurses
and asked if they'd willingly choose to be patients in their own
Thirty-eight percent said, "No way."

~~ Why did the runner quit the race against bigfoot?
He couldn't face defeet!!

~~ "Most people hate the taste of beer to begin with.
It is, however, a prejudice that many people have been able
to overcome." --Winston Churchill.

~~ On my birthday I got a really funny card from a friend.

It joked about how our bodies might be getting older,
but our minds were still "tarp as shacks."
I wanted to thank the friend who sent the card, but I couldn't.
She forgot to sign it.
Todays Thought:  Although the tongue weighs very little,

                           few people are able to hold it.


Thursday, October 29, 2009

Good Morning, Friends and readers.....A nice Fall day...

Trees have some color, down Hummingbird Lane.......

Isn't this a nice old country church??....

Now shes a cute, sweet looking girl........

Happy 1st Birthday First Dog, Bo!

These guys are "Buddys"....mess with one and the other will mess with you..

A couple of these will...get you to try that...▼▼

Extreme water skiing.......

Bryde's whale circles as it prepares to seize a meal..

My man Eno.......
~~ "Be true to your teeth and they won't be false to you."

('Soupy Sales'..)

~~ A small boy told a Sunday school teacher:
"When you die, God takes care of you like your parents
did when you were alive...only God doesn't yell at you all the time."

~~ Several weeks after a young woman is hired,
she is called into the personnel director's office.
"What is the meaning of this?" the director asks.
"When you applied for this job, you told us you had five
years of experience.
Now we discovered this is the first job you've ever held."
"Well," the young woman replies, "in your advertisement
you said you wanted somebody with imagination."

~~ An Easterner was riding with a rancher over a blistering
and almost barren stretch of West Texas, when a strange bird
scurried in front of them.
Asked by the Easterner what the bird was, the rancher replied,
"That's a bird of paradise."
The stranger from the East rode on in silence for a moment,
then said, "Long way from home, isn't it??"

~~ Ole and Lena went to the hospital so Lena could deliver
their first baby.
As Ole waited in the lobby, the doctor came out to talk to him.
The doctor said, "I have some good news and some bad news.
The good news is that you have a normal baby boy.
The bad news is that it is a cesarean."
Ole started crying, and said, "Vel, I'm glad it is a healthy baby,
but I vas kinda hoping it vould be Norwegian!"

~~ A golfer who was known for his bad temper walked into
the pro shop one day and plunked down big bucks for a new
set of Woods.
The staff all watched to see what would happen after he used
them for the first time...more than half expecting he'd come in
and demand his money back.
But the next time he came in, he was all smiles.
"They're the best clubs I've ever had," he said.
"In fact, I've discovered I can throw them at least 40 yards
farther than I could my last ones."

~~ They call it take-home pay because there is no other place
you can afford to go with it.

~~ Q: What do you get when you cross a porcupine with a sheep?
A: An animal that knits its own sweaters.

~~ A man's wife never ceases to wonder why her husband
can't show as much patience waiting for his supper as he
does when he's waiting for a fish to bite.

~~ When he received a journal as a gift, an eight-year-old boy
was mystified.
He asked his mother what he was supposed to do with it as
the pages were blank.
"You write down interesting stuff that happens to you."
she replied.
"I see, he said. "It's like a blog on paper."

~~ Two drunks found themselves on a roller coaster.

One said.
"We're making great time, but I'm not sure this is the right bus!"

~~ Two friends went out to dinner.
They were reading through the menu when one friend remarked
to the other that scientist say we are what we eat.
The other friend replied, "I don't know if that's true, but let's err
on the side of caution and order something rich!"
Todays Thought: A nation of sheep will beget a government

of wolves. - Edward R. Murrow ...

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

Good Rainy Morning..... Yep...we're having a cool, rainy day....
Don't forget to set the clocks back Sunday.....

Pete sent me this pic, saz: this is Patience & Wisdom!

Okay...Pete, what is this??...

This guy is waiting for the others to leave....then........

Don't ya just hate that??.......

Recycling at its best.......

What can I say....Petey?? You ought to see "Pete M." when he goes
masquerading......not good, I'll tell ya....

I's tired......

Didn't believe the signs??....

Pumpkin carving time......this is cool......

~~ I was walking down the road today and saw my Afghani

neighbor, Abdul, standing on his fifth floor apartment balcony
shaking a carpet.
I shouted up to him, "What's up Abdul, won't it start?"

~~ I have a friend who's a second-story man;
no one ever believes his first story.

~~ Q: What is the longest word in the English language?
A: Smiles--because there's a mile between the first and last letter.

~~ One weekend, my friend, who was a nurse, was looking
after her six-year-old nephew when he fell off a playground slide
and hit his head.
Worried that he might have a concussion,
she checked him all night.
Every hour, she'd gently shake him and ask, "What's your name?"
Soon, he began moaning in protest each time she entered
the room.
When she went in at 5:00 A.M., she saw something white on
his face.
Leaning close, she saw a crayon-scrawled message taped to
his forehead.
It read: "My name is Daniel."

~~ Two friends and I ordered sandwiches in a local eatery.
I wanted hot sauce, Jim wanted medium and Bob, mild.
When I asked for all three, the ornery waitress pointed to the
squeeze bottle sitting in the middle of the table.
"We need three," I insisted. "Which one is this?"
"All of them," she replied. "You want hot, put more on."

~~ I just got a GPS for my car, and my first trip with it was to a
Since the manual said not to leave it in the car unattended,
I brought it with me into the store.
While there, the GPS came alive, and a voice stated,
"Lost satellite contact."
I wasn't embarrassed until a woman turned to me and said,
"Your ankle bracelet monitor is talking to you."

~~ Staff: Golf course, may I help you?
Tony: Do you have any open tee times around 10 o’clock?
Staff: Yes, we have one at 10:15.
Tony: What’s the next time after that?
Staff: We have one at 10:22.
Tony: We’ll take that one. It will be a bit warmer.

~~ I took a real estate client to a "handyman special."
The place was great, and we couldn't understand why it was so
cheap, until we turned on the water main and water gushed from
the ceiling.
Dripping wet, my client put a positive spin on the showing:
"Nice house," he said...... "It's even self-cleaning."

~~ My sister-in-law works as a waitress at an Atlanta restaurant.
One day, a large family came in to eat.
In accordance with the restaurant's policy of serving large parties,
the tip was automatically added to the bill.
After she presented the bill to the father, she heard him bellow,
"Gratuity?... Who ordered the gratuity?
I told you kids that we weren't going to order any dessert!"

~~ The neighbor of a young man was having trouble with her
washing machine and asked him to come over and take a look
at it.
"I'm not very good at fixing these things," he admitted.
"The last time I tried your husband had to buy a new one."
"I know," she replied, smiling.

~~ A Catholic priest, a Lutheran minister and an Evangelical
preacher are arguing about religion one day when the phone rings.
The priest gets up to answer it.
After listening for few moments, he says, “Yes, I will pass on
the news,” and hangs up.
Turning to the others, he says, “I have good news and bad news.”
“Really? Do tell,” the minister says.
“My friends,” the priest announces, “that was the Lord Jesus
on the phone, and he was calling to say he’s back.”
“Glory be!” shouts the preacher.
“What could possibly be bad news now?”
Well,” the priest says,..... “He was calling from Salt Lake City.”
Todays Thought:  Hang around doggies and kids, they know how to play.

Tuesday, October 27, 2009

Good Morning....friends.....showers today....

Oh...No....more showers......

A bar cart?......thats cool...

Thats a cool bike.....I bet Jim would love that....



Wannta buy some fire protection??

LED eyelashes......

Stap your date??.....I don't know.......

Time to get outta here......
~~ Urologists never have to advertise.....

They just open up an office and the patients come trickling in.

~~ Brenda, pregnant with her first child, was paying a visit to
her obstetrician's office.
When the exam was over, she shyly began,
"My husband wants me to ask you..."
"I know, I know." the doctor said, placing a reassuring hand
on her shoulder, "I get asked that all the time.
Sex is fine until late in the pregnancy."
"No, that's not it at all." Brenda confessed.
"He wants to know if I can still mow the lawn.".

~~ A UVA research group advertised in the Daily news for
participants in a study of a particular obsessive-compulsive
They were looking for former therapy patients who had been
diagnosed with this disorder.
The response was gratifying; they got 3,000 replies about
three days after the ad came out.
All from the same person.

~~ Honesty and wisdom together will take you very far in life.
With honesty you will be known as a person who can be relied
upon to follow through on everything you have promised,
With wisdom, of course, you will have better sense than to
make promises.

~~ Golf ball: a small dimpled round object that stays on the tee
while you fan it violently with a club.

~~ As I pulled into the parking lot at the department store,
I noticed a car with its headlights on.
I jotted down the make, color and licence number.
Inside the store I joined the line at the information desk.
When the clerk reached me, I told her a white Ford in the
parking lot had its lights on and gave her the number.
"Thank you," she replied, and went on to another customer.
The lady next to me asked her indignantly,
"Aren't you going to announce it?"
"There's no need," she replied sheepishly.
"That car belongs to me."

~~ We were driving in my friend Larry's new car.
I asked him about its features.
He listed the usual, then added: "It tells me to slow down as
I approach the speed limit.
It warns me when I have to stop.
It points out solid no-passing lines."
I expressed my amazement.
"But," he explained, "these features work only when my wife
is in the car."

~~ I had joined a weight-loss organization and had lost a total
of 45 pounds in six months.
I had my son and nephew with me one day, and since children
are not permitted to attend the meetings,
I left them outside while I went in, weighed myself and left
When I came out, my nephew asked how much weight I'd lost.
"Forty-five pounds," I answered proudly.
"Wow!" he exclaimed. "In ten minutes!"

~~ I noticed an elderly couple in a nearby booth in the restaurant
enjoying each other's company.
They looked to be in their 80s.
I wondered if they'd have to wait for a bus to take them home,
while I, much younger, would enjoy a drive home in my car.
While I was wondering, they got up to leave...
and reached down for their motorcycle helmets.

~~ During my work handling the front desk of a cruise ship,
a passenger called to say he'd spotted a stowaway in a lifeboat
when he'd glanced out his cabin window.
I sent a deckhand to check the lifeboat and called the guest
back to say nothing had been found.
He insisted we check again, and again the deckhand found
nothing out of order.
When the man called a third time, I sent the deckhand directly
to his cabin.
The deckhand soon called to assure me there was no need
for alarm:
The guest had been reporting on his own reflection in the window.

~~ A scientist told a colleague that, after years of experimentation,
he had successfully crossed an ostrich and a corscrew.
"What did you get?" asked the colleage.
"I'm not quite sure," replied the scientist,
"but each time I give it fright, it starts drilling for oil!"

~~ As I approached my husband-to-be at the front of the church,
I noticed tears in his eyes.
I knew he was about to break down.
To lighten the moment I made some outrageous faces at him.
It worked! The ceremony proceeded smoothly and I was proud
of my quick thinking...until I saw the video.
Todays Thoughts:  Who has confidence in himself will gain the confidence of others.

Monday, October 26, 2009

Good Morning.....Ready for a new week?  Not Me.....
I still trying to get over the weekend.....ha-ha..

She's keeping her baby warm.....

HEY! Who stole my breakfast?? 
Damn...can't turn your back for a second.

These guys didn't......they still out like a light.....

Well, he went some were........

Dogs have taken over my bed.......

Oh, well...can always go Pig Surfing......

Looks like someone had too much.......Overflo??

I've never seen a cross like that...thats confusing.....
get your butt run over.......

Well, time to bug outta here.....later!!
~~ With the elections drawing ever nearer, we once again go
back to the Politicians file.
This story proves that while many criminals are stupid,
so are many voters.
From Sarasota, Florida comes the story of politician
Robert Stein who was running for a seat in the U.S. House of
Representatives from Florida.
He placed a strong second in the Democratic primary with 26
percent of the vote.
This coming even after he revealed that he would soon be
pleading insanity to a charge that he beat up a police officer in
a station house brawl.
He also offered up the Excuse of the Week.
He said a robot was attacking him when he assaulted the cop.

~~ The British have driven on the left side of the road ever
since the Roman chariot drivers needed to be quick to meet
the enemy with their sword at the ready in their right hand.
In America, drivers sat on the left because the brakes were
on the left in their covered wagons.

~~ IT'S "JAWS" O ME!
After a spate of shark attacks in Australia, the Week asked
its readers to create that country's next tourism slogan.
Here's what they came up with:
1. "What happens off the coast of Australia, stays off the coast
of Australia."
2. "We'll throw another limb on the barbie."
3. "Australia: Disarmingly beautiful."
4. "Our visitors: The other white meat."
5. "Not quite heaven, but you can get there from here."

~~ An expectant father paced nervously.
When the doctor passed, he said, "This is my first baby.
I'm so nervous."
The doctor said, "You're nervous! this is my first delivery!"

~~ Bobbie received a bill from the hospital for her recent surgery,
and was astonished to see a $900 fee for the anesthesiologist.
She called his office to demand an explanation.
"Is this some kind of mistake?" Bobbie asked when she got the
doctor on the phone.
"No, not at all," the doctor said calmly.
"Well," said Bobbie, "that's awfully costly for knocking someone
"Not at all," replied the doctor. "I knock you out for free.
The 900 dollars is for bringing you back around."

~~ Many youngsters aren't even aware that teaching is a job.
Discussing after-school activities, a teacher in Wisconsin told
her first graders.
"When I get home from work, I like to sew."
A boy looked surprised and said, "Where do you work?"

~~ A man had posted himself in front of an office building with
a tray of shoelaces.
One executive made it a daily habit to give the unfortunate
a dollar, but he never took the laces.
One day the peddler, on receiving the dollar, tapped his
departing benefactor on the back:
I don't like to complain, sir, but the laces are now two dollars.

~~ A tom cat and a tabby cat were courting on a back fence
at night.
The tom leaned over to the tabby with pent up passion and purred...
"I'll die for you!"
The tabby gazed at him from under lowered eye lids and asked,
"How many times?"

~~ Under the Rules of Civil Procedure, a deposition can be
used for any purpose.
During a trial, the defendant fell asleep at the counsel table.
The opposing lawyer, obviously not impressed, requested
permission from the court to use the deposition transcript to
wake her opponent's client.
The court, after carefully reviewing the rule, granted the request,
after which the lawyer rolled the transcript up and smacked the
man over the head rousting him from his slumber.

~~ Before an important dinner in United Nations circles,
a new maid was cautioned by the hostess, "Remember to
serve from the left of each guest, and to clear the dishes
away from the right. Is that clear?
"Yessum," nodded the maid, "You superstitious or something?"

~~ "Mom," said the little girl, "is it alright to say you are going
to water the horse when you are giving him a drink of water!"
"Yes," said her mother, "That is the correct thing to say."
"Well, then I'm going to milk the cat."

~~ QUESTION: What do you get if you cross a moth with a firefly?
ANSWER: An insect that can find its way around a dark wardrobe..