Good Morning....Ready for a new week ?.......................................
♠







Yep....What can I say......................................................................

Me got flowers too..........................................................................

Wez gettin our bath.....gots a date too...........................

Bath ! who said BATH ?.....................................................

We're dressed up......Party time !...................................

I'm going, youse guys make me laugh............................

The frustrating thing about elections is that no matter who you vote for, the government still gets in.

♠

After a couple hours out in the boat, the boy suddenly became curious about the world around him.

He asked his father, "How does this boat float?"

The father thought for a moment, then replied, "I don't rightly know, son."

The boy returned to his contemplation, then turned back to his father, "How do fish breath underwater?"

Once again the father replied, "Don't rightly know, son."

A little later the boy asked, "Why is the sky blue?"

Again, the father replied. "Don't rightly know, son."

Worried he was going to annoy his father, he says, "Dad, do you mind my asking you all of these questions?"

"Of course not, son. If you don't ask questions ... you'll never learn anything!"

♠

When you go to work if your name is on the building, you're rich.

If your name is on your desk, you're middle-class.

If your name is on your shirt, you're poor.

♠

My son was surprised when his six-year-old daughter recently announced, "I think all this talk about my baby brother coming is getting me ready to be a mother."

Curious, he asked her why she thought that.

"Cause I have a bump on the back of my head," she said.

"Mommy says all mothers have eyes in the back of their head, and I think mine are starting to grow."

♠

A nearsighted minister glanced at the note that Mrs. Jones had sent to him by way of an usher.

The note read: "Bill Jones having gone to sea, his wife desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

Failing to observe the punctuation, the clergyman startled his audience by announcing: "Bill Jones, having gone to see his wife, desires the prayers of the congregation for his safety."

♠

My uncle, an Anglican archbishop, was presiding over our family's Thanksgiving dinner.

My two daughters, eight and five, had been practicing saying a special grace for the occasion.

When my uncle asked if one of them would like to recite it, the youngest quickly volunteered.

We all bowed our heads and waited expectantly.

"Dear...," she began.

There was a prolonged silence, then finally a loud stage whisper to her sister.

"Psst! What's His name?"

♠

Mondays are the potholes in the road of life.

Good Morning.....everybody's just on a layabout today..............

Don't mind us...we're just hanging out..........................................

In most of the United States, there is a policy of checking on any stalled vehicle on the highway when the temperatures drop down to single digits or below.

About 3 AM, one very cold morning, Trooper Allan Nixon #658 responded to a call there was a car off the shoulder of the road outside Shattuck .

He located the car, stuck in deep snow, and with the engine still running.

Pulling in behind the car with his emergency lights on, the Trooper walked to the driver's door to find an older man passed out behind the wheel with a nearly empty vodka bottle on the seat beside him.

The driver came awake when the Trooper tapped on the window.

Seeing the rotating lights in his rearview mirror, and the State Trooper standing next to his car, the man panicked.

He jerked the gearshift into 'drive' and hit the gas.

The car's speedometer was showing 20-30-40 and then 50 mph, but it was still stuck in the snow, wheels spinning.

Trooper Nixon, having a sense of humor, began running in place next to the speeding, but still stationary car.

The driver was totally freaked, thinking the Trooper was actually keeping up with him.

This goes on for about 30 seconds, then the Trooper yelled at the man to 'Pull over!'

The man obeyed, turned his wheel and stopped the engine.

Needless to say, the man from Dumas, Texas was arrested, and is probably still shaking his head over the State Trooper in Oklahoma who could run 50 miles per hour.

Who says Troopers don't have a sense of humor!

The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team.

"Can you tackle?" asked the coach.

"Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters.

"Wow," said the coach. "I`m impressed.

Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman.

He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash.

"Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?"

The freshman hesitated for a few seconds.

"Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."

I'm busier than a one-toothed man in a corn-on-the-cob eating contest.....

Good Morning......Are you ready for a new weekend ?.................
♣






Apple pie with a scoop of ice cream...is good for breakfast?

Yep !....mmm good.......................................................................

Hold that pie...We're on our way.................................................

Kinda messy with no fork..............................................................

No pie for us, we just want the apples, thank you!......................

You guys are nuts ! !......................................................................

Having raised a large family, my mother cooked everything in battalion-size batches.

So when my newly married brother, Fred requested her chop-suey recipe, she experimented for two weeks with the ingredients in order to cut the dish down for the honeymooners.

"Thanks for the recipe, Mom," "Ron wrote home.

"The first thing we did was triple it so we would have plenty of leftovers!"

♣

During a beautiful fall afternoon, I was attending an 'Autumn Festival'. Just as I stopped to listen to a folk singer, a group of exhibitors, dragging out tools and sawhorses, began setting up their display booth nearby.

All their shouting and hammering made it difficult to enjoy the music.

The noise they made got louder and even more obnoxious and intrusive as time went on.

Finally, to everyone's relief, they completed the construction.

As a finishing touch, they hung a sign on their booth. It read "Silent Auction."

♣

We visited our newly married daughter, who was preparing her first thanksgiving dinner.

I noticed the turkey thawing in the kitchen sink with a dish drainer inverted over the bird.

I asked why a drainer covered the turkey.

Our daughter turned to my wife and said, "Mom, you always did it that way."

"Yes," my wife replied, "but you don't have a cat!"

♣

A man came into the flower shop and asked to have a dozen carnations delivered to his mother-in-law.

He also requested that a card with the initials "R. E." be placed somewhere in the bouquet.

After he left, my boss came over to me and said, "I've never seen that before--

an 'R. E.'-in-carnation."

♣

"What time was I born?" eight-year old wyatt asked his father Mark.

He replied, "A few minutes after four in the morning."

Wyatt said, "How come you and Mommy were up so late?"

"Because we were waiting for you."

That was a happy time for you, right Daddy?"

"The very best."

"Then let me stay up until four in the morning, so you can be really happy again."

♣

Red meat is not bad for you......... Fuzzy green meat is bad for you.

Good Morning....Well it's TGIF day.....ready for the weekend?
♣








Opppps.....any body wanna buy a used new car?.......

Look out!!.........

Arrrrr, Mate...............................................................

Watch out for the Honey bees ! stings hurt..................

They my breakfast........................................................

I can't get woke up this morning...................................

Talk about your sleep...................................................

There was a notice that appeared in my mailbox.

It told me I was required to go to court as a witness against someone whose name I did not recognize.

Calling for more information, I found out my notice was for reporting a driver who had illegally passed my stopped school bus—

ten years ago when I had been driving a bus part time.

The appearance date was the same time as my night class, so I called to see if my court appearance could be rescheduled.

Two days later someone returned my call.

"We cannot push the date back," they said. The reason?

"The accused is entitled to a speedy trial."

Teacher: Describe the Digestive System in one sentence?

Student: It starts with right hand & ends with left hand.

Childhood development was the focus of my master of nursing.

In the course of our studies, we were exposed to various tools that could be used to assess how a child was growing, developing and coping.

I was in an ideal situation as I had a five-year-old daughter at home, and sometimes in the evening I'd ask if she'd like to play with certain toys or draw me a picture that related to my studies.

One evening after I had proposed a new activity, Laura wondered if it was part of my schoolwork, too.

When I said it was, she sternly asked, "Does your teacher know I do your homework for you?"

A friend of mine is responsible for alumni relations at his high school alma mater.

Last fall, a member of the Class of ‘86 returned the standard alumni questionnaire with this response:

Marital Status: Not good

Wife’s Name: Plaintiff

Despite his mother's urgings to hurry, my grandson Daniel informed her that he was 14 years old and perfectly capable of being on time for his first day of high school.

Just as he went out the door, however, his bus sailed by.

He sheepishly returned to ask his mom for a ride.

She paraphrased the words he had spoken minutes before: At 14 he shouldn't have any problems getting to school on his own.

Daniel got the next bus, but just missed the connecting one.

As he stood watching its taillights disappear, he groaned aloud, "Oh, God, please don't let me be late for my first day of high school."

At that moment a car pulled up to the curb and Daniel's minister offered him a lift.

That afternoon, when he told his mom what had happened, Daniel concluded, "There really is a God, and boy, does He ever work fast!"

Snow and adolescence are the only problems that disappear if you ignore them long enough.

Good Morning.....So, is everybody okay dokey?...........................
☼





Got my breakfast.........................................................................

I'm outta here, in case he's hungry for cat.................................

I don't know, but this fish is........................................................

This guy wants to play, but he smells funny...............................

We like to play....Don't you?.........................................................

Yeh ! I like to play...Come swim with me....................................

☼

HOLD ON... (Pueblo Indian Prayer)

HOLD ON to what is good, even if it's a handful of earth.

HOLD ON to what you believe, Even if it's a tree that stands by itself.

HOLD ON to what you must do, Even if it's a long way from here.

HOLD ON to your life, Even if it's easier to let go.

HOLD ON to my hand, Even if I've gone away from you.

☼

After shopping for weeks, I finally found the car of my dreams.

It was only two years old and in beautiful condition.

The salesman asked if I would like to take it for a test drive.

We had traveled no more than two miles when the car broke down.

The salesman called for a tow truck.

When it arrived, we climbed into the front seat.

While the driver was hooking up the car, the salesman turned to me with a smile and said, "Well, now, what is it going to take to put you behind the wheel of that beauty today?"

☼

I had recently started my new job at an insurance company when I noticed something peculiar, six employees had daughters who worked there, too.

"That's incredible," I remarked.

My boss nodded.

"We ask a lot of our employees," he said, "including their first-borns."

☼

Dad is from the old school, where you keep your money under the mattress—only he kept his in the underwear drawer.

One day I bought my dad an unusual personal safe...a can of spray paint with a false bottom...so he could keep his money in the workshop.

Later I asked Mom if he was using it.

"Oh, yes," she replied, "he put his money in it the same day."

"No burglar would think to look on the work shelf!" I gloated.

"They won't have to," my mom replied.

"He keeps the paint can in his underwear drawer."

☼

While in the Army, I was briefly stationed in Holland.

One night, my roommate and I got some local currency (this was before the euro) and went out on the town.

That's when I found out he probably hadn't paid a lot of attention in geography class.

"Look at this," he said, angrily eying the money.

"They told us we were in Holland but this money says Netherlands."

Never tell a woman you're unworthy of her love.... She knows.

Well...It's that time again...Good Morning..................................
☼






You took his cookie?.....................................................................

You gotta watch out......................................................................

Weird lookin fish........................................................................

I don't know if you can eat these.................................................

The squirrels and these guys ↓ do................................................

Two heads better than one ? You can eat twice as much.........

I don't know...............................................................................

☼

One of the side benefits of forgetting names and faces.

You keep meeting new people every day.

☼

One of my favorite profs was known for his droll sense of humor.

Explaining his ground rules to one first-year class, he said, "Now, I know my lectures can often be dry and boring, so I don't mind if you look at your watches during class.

I do, however, object to your pounding them on your desks to make sure they're still running!"

☼

After years on the vaudeville circuit, a magician and his wife, whom he used to saw in half as the climax of each performance, have retired and opened their own food market.

You've probably seen the sign in their window, it reads: "Milk sold here by the half gal."

☼

I encourage our three children to try new foods, and like most kids, they resist.

On a recent visit to Grandma's house, I asked each of them to sample one of her pickled beets.

Only nine-year-old Arty was willing to try them.

After he'd managed a tentative nibble, Grandma asked, “So, how is it?”

Arty diplomatically replied, “It would be good, Grandma, if I liked it!”

Anyone who thinks the art of conversation is dead ought to tell a child to go to bed.

Good Morning......Every one..........................................................







☺








I'm hungry......Anything eatible around here ?.........................

Well , I'm hungry , too................................................................

I'm looking too............................................................................

I got my protection......................................................................

I'm a hiddin..................................................................................

I hope I an't food !........................................................................

On the way to spend the weekend with us, our grandchildren noticed a bright star in the sky.

Our daughter, Ree, told them that it was Mars, which was at its closest and brightest in many thousands of years.

She went on to provide a simplified explanation of the solar system suitable for her young listeners in the back seat.

Ree ended her explanation with, "We live on a planet called Earth."

After a long pause, my four-year-old grandson asked, "What planet does Grandpa live on?"

☺

"Life has got a habit of not standing hitched.

You got to ride it like you find it.

You got to change with it.

If a day goes by that don't change some of your old notions for new ones, that is just about like trying to milk a dead cow." (Woody Guthrie)

☺

How come the most lucrative endorsement deals go to the best- performing male athletes and the best-looking female ones?

☺

I was getting into my car when I noticed a dent.

On the windshield was a note and a phone number from the driver.

"I feel terrible," the woman apologized when I called.

"I hit your car as I was pulling into the next parking spot."

"Please, don't worry," I said to her.

"I'm sure our insurance companies will take care of everything."

"Thank you for your understanding," she said.

"You're so much nicer than the man I hit on the way out."

☺

I very quietly confided to my best friend that I was having an affair.

He turned to me and asked, "Are you having it catered?"

And that, my friend, is the sad definition of "OLD"!

Well now..Good Morning.............................................................
Hope everyone had a great weekend.



☼

Nice Sunday Sunrise.....................................................




A nice sunset to walk along the beach with your Honey.

A pretty picture......Carol likes pictures of horses.......

I like Hawks....I think their fascinating......................

I'ze hide from them buggers........................................

Me too, they lible to get me...........................................

☼

Your mama is so fat. Even Bill Gates couldn't pay for her liposuction

☼

Six-year-old Roy, our youngest boy, was having trouble adjusting to going to school every day for Grade l.

"Dad, I've got a secret to tell you," he said, so I bent down to listen.

"I cried at school yesterday and told the teacher I missed my mom."

"What did your teacher say?" I asked.

"She whispered to me, "I miss my mom, too!"

☼

What's the difference between a marriage and a mental hospital?

At a mental hospital you have to show improvement to get out.

☼

I went to the florist to pick up flowers and was greeted by the sign BACK IN 30 MINUTES.

Later that day, I returned and politely chastised the shopkeeper for not writing the time on the sign so people know when she had left and when she'd return.

"You're right, that is confusing," she admitted.

"I should have posted my usual note: 'Be right back'"

☼

the midst of a terrible storm, a Great Dane and a dachshund find themselves standing in a snowdrift. "Brr," says the Great Dane. "My paws are freezing."

"Don't whine to me," says the dachshund. "I've got my own troubles."

☼

Health experts have named Mississippi the fattest state in the Union.

The state bird of Mississippi?......... The fried chicken