Good Morning, friends and neighbors.....
Well, we got a nice rainy day. Now if I could send it
north to B.C.....they need rain bad!
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Remember this guy?....been a few years since I last saw him.....
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A rainy day, is a lay-about day....right!

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Who's gonna win? the snake or the Gater?

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I guess he found it funny........

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George....George!! were are you????

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Reaching out to touch something......

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Discovery heading for launch pad 39A.........

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My topsy-tervy tomato plant......no maters yet... I planted late~

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What a way to change a tire........

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♥♥♥

~~~ After nearly an hour of "just a little more white, two squirts of blue, a dash of black, perhaps a tad more white," the paint-store clerk got my gallon to the exact shade I wanted. With a sigh of relief, he pounded the lid on.
"Now what do I do if I need more paint?" I asked.
"Don't come back here," he begged.

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~~~ Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?

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~~~ A king’s jester one day found his majesty bent over the washbowl, engaged in his morning ablutions.
In a spirit of fun the jester gave the king a resounding slap on the most exposed part of his sacred person.
Deeply enraged, his majesty ordered the instant execution of the audacious joker, but finally consented to pardon him, if he should make an apology more outrageous than the original insult. The condemned humorist thought a moment, and offered his apology:
“Your Majesty will forgive me; I did not know it was you.
I thought it was the Queen.”

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~~~ How to put away candies so that they will not get mouldy?
Why, leave the pantry-door open, and if there are any children in the house they’ll solve the problem for you in five minutes.

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~~~ The minister’s wife wanted to jot down the sermon, and leaning over her nephew, she whispered: “Have you any cards with you?”
“You can’t play in church,” was the solemn, reproving answer.

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~~~ A young girl attending her first wedding got confused because the bride went up the aisle with one man, and came back down with another.

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~~~ What's the definition of an 'Impotent Loser'?
A guy who can't even get his hopes up.

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~~~ I noticed my roommate studying the settings on our washing machine.
There were three icons: a sheep for woollens, a cotton ball for cottons and a beaker for synthetics.
"Problems?" I asked.
"Just wondering," he said.
"If I were washing a sweater made from a cloned sheep, would I set it on wool or synthetics?"

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~~~ We had been on the road for 15 hours en route from New York to California and were looking for a place to spend the night.
At four different motels, however, we were told, "Sorry, no vacancies."
Heading back to the car, my seven-year-old son asked solemnly, "Mom, are we vacancies?"

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~~~ The trendy dresser fancied himself quite a romeo, and was delighted to find a note pinned inside a new shirt.
contained a girl's name and address, and asked the recipient to send a photograph.
How romantic, he thought to himself, very taken with the idea of this mystery woman so eager to meet him, and promptly mailed off a note and a photo.
Heart aflutter, he opened her response.
It read,"Thanks for writing.
I was just curious to see what kind of guy would buy such a goofy shirt."

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~~~ When I was younger, I used to play doctor with this girl in my neighborhood.
We got caught, but I'm lucky it was on a Wednesday.
We were just playing golf.
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Todays Thought: If absence makes the heart grow fonder, some people must really love church.
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Good Morning....Well, it's hump day,...down hill from here.....
Hope my friends are having good weather, we are.
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Carve a strawberry?.....looks great.
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Yep, we can grill deer burgers.......

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I would think......

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So very true......... No better "Buddy".

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Watch out for this gang.....they will rob you blind....ha-ha.

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Now this is weird looking.....It's a "Pangolin"......(Google is your friend)

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Milk break.....................

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A Harley faucet....Wanna buy it "Jim"?....

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Well, It's time to leave.......Don't every one jump at once......

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♥♥♥

~~~ Weather Forecast............... Meteorologist:
“ Put down today’s weather as rain for this afternoon.”
Assistant: “Are you sure?”
Met. : “ Sure I am..... I forgot my umbrella, I’m planning to play golf, and my wife is giving a lawn party.”

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~~~ A local weather forecaster had the predictions wrong so many times, that he was the laughing stock in the community.
Thereafter, he asked his employer for a transfer.
His explanation: “The climate here does not agree with me!”

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~~~ I had a wooden whistle and it wouldn't whistle....
so I got a steal whistle and I steal could not whistle.
Then I got a tin whistle - Now I tin whistle...

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~~~ A businessman boarded a plane... to find, sitting next to him, an elegant woman wearing the largest, most stunning diamond ring he had ever seen.
He asked her about it.
"This is the Klopman diamond," she said.
"It is beautiful, but there is a terrible curse that goes with it."
"What's the curse?" the man asked.
She replied......."Mr. Klopman."

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~~~ A man was telling his friend how happy he was that day, as he had done three good deeds. “I met a poor woman with a child, on the streets, weeping.
I asked why and she said she had no money to baptize the child.
Thereupon I gave her $20 bill, and asked her to have the child baptized and return the change to me at such and such address, which she did.”
“So that’s one good deed.
How about the other two?”
“They’re all three in one.
First, I stopped an old lady from crying. Second, I helped the child get baptized and save her from Hell.
Third, I finally got rid of the counterfeit $20 bill I had been carrying for over one year.”

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~~~ One of the newly formed Republics from Asia had sent their Ambassador to the State function.
The First Lady, being polite, asked: “So, when did you have your last election?”
Embarrassed, he replied: “Befo’ bleakfast.”

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~~~ Tuesday at 4 p.m. there will be an ice cream social.
All ladies giving milk will please come early.

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~~~ While on vacation, Bobbie and I stopped for lunch at a diner.
We sat at the counter, right next to the grill.
The cook was a young man who was very busy flipping pancakes.
Every so often, he would stop and hit the grill with the handle of the spatula.
Finally I asked him facetiously, " Does that improve the taste of the pancakes?"
"No," he replied, "That keeps the handle from falling off."

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~~~ I am strongly in favor of common sense common honesty and common decency.
This makes me forever ineligible for public office.

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~~~ Ball room dancing Henry Brown arrived late at the country club dance.
He slipped on the ice and tore one knee of the trousers.
“Come into the ladies room, Henry.
There’s no one here and I’ll pin it up for you,” said his wife.
Examination showed that the rip was too large to be pinned.
A maid furnished the needle and thread, and was stationed at the door to keep out intruders, while the husband removed his trousers for the wife to work on.
Presently, at the door were excited voices.
“We must come in, Mrs. Jones is ill,” said one of them.
“Here,” said the resourceful wife to her husband, “ get into this closet for just a minute.”
She pushed him into the closet and closed the door, just in time for the ladies to enter. Immediately from the opposite side of the door came loud thumps.
“Let me in!” demanded the husband.
“But the ladies are here,” replied the wife.
“Damn them!....... I’m in the ballroom!”

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~~~ There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking............ It's called marriage.

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~~~ After my wife and her former best buddy, another Air Force wife, were separated by a move that posted one husband on the opposite coast, the telephone became their chief means of communication.
When our phone bills showed astronomical increases, the other spouse and I sought relief.
Since we both owned computers, we encourage our wives to use electronic mail.
Now they call on the phone to let each other know that e-mail was sent, then call back to confirm that it arrived and have a conversation about the contents.

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~~~ A prisoner was asked how he came to be there.
“Want,” was the answer.
“What do you mean?”
“Well, I wanted another man’s watch.
He wasn’t willing I should have it, and the judge wants me to stay here five years.”

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~~~ "This tooth will be difficult to remove," the dentist told his patient.
"I think you should have an anaesthetic even though it will be a little more expensive."
"OK," agreed the patient and began feeling in his pocket for his money.
"You needn't pay me yet," said the dentist.
"I know," replied the patient....
"I'm just counting my money before you put me under."

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Todays Thought: I find fried chicken legs with strawberry syrup to be very therapeutic..

Good Morning friends....The Doc's visit went good....only one more year
to go.... It's been a long four years......
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I love this old house...with the corner chimney...and the porches...
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Okay, settle down.........

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Great......I know someone that would like this.........

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WoW! we need a lion tamer.......

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Is she dirty??

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She's a proud little girl........

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Ha-Ha....

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Now this is a pot hole...................

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♥♥♥

~~~ I used to work at Lowe's in the plumbing department.
As part of the faucet display we would cut the sprayer hose off about8 inches and put them in a display block with the faucet.
The sprayers were usually glued in so they could not be removed.
One day while helping a lady choose a faucet, I pulled on a sprayer and it came out of the display.
I jokingly told the lady it was one of the new'cordless faucet sprayers....
Then she got mad at me when I told her there was no way to spray water without a hose.

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~~~ Security and peace of mind were part of the reason we moved to a gated community.
Both flew out the window the night I called a local pizza shop for a delivery.
"I'd like to order a large pepperoni, please," I said, then gave him the address of our condominium.
"We'll be there in about half an hour," the kid at the other end replied.
"Your gate code is still 1238, right?"

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~~~ Q: What is the difference between a tired old horse and a dead insect?
A. One is a seedy beast and the other is a bee deceased.

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~~~ I love summer days at the beach.
There's nothing more fun than watching people drop food in the sand, then try to brush it off so they can still eat it.

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~~~ Wednesday, the Ladies Liturgy Society will meet.
Mrs. Jones will sing "Put Me In My Little Bed" accompanied by the pastor.

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~~~ It's good to have money, and the things that money can buy, but it's good, too, to check up once in a while and be sure you haven't lost the things money can't buy ...

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~~~ Gus: What's the difference between a basketball, a boxing glove, and a bottle of glue?
Pete: I don't know.
Gus: A basketball is round, and a boxing glove isn't.
Pete: But what about the glue?
Gus: That's where you get stuck.

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~~~ Bobbie;"Whenever I'm in the dumps, I buy new clothes."
Gus: "So.... that's where you get them!"

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~~~ Bobbie: What would you do if you found a sick bird?
Gus: Give it first aid tweetment.

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~~~ After ordering a milkshake, Gus had to leave his seat in the restaurant to make a telephone call.
Since he didn't want anyone to take his drink, he took a paper napkin, wrote on it, "The World's Strongest Weightlifter," and left it under his glass.
When he returned from making his call, the glass was empty.
Under it was a new napkin with new writing that said: "Thanks for the treat!"
It was signed, "The World's Fastest Runner."

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~~~ A printer consists of 3 main parts: the case, the jammed paper tray and the blinking red light.

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~~~ "What's wrong?" I asked one of my young students.
He was at his desk, looking as if he were about to break into tears.
"My grandfather," he stammered.
"Sorry," I said..... "But he's in a wonderful place now.
Do you know where that is?"
"Yes, I do," he said. "Prison."

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~~~ Two elderly women were in a beauty parlor getting their hair done.
In walks a young chick with a low cut blouse that revealed a rose tattoo on one breast.
One lady leaned over to the other and said, "She don't know it, but in 50 years she'll be wearing a long stemmed rose in a hanging basket."
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Today's Thought: Mistakes are made from time to time. Without them, some of us would have never been born.
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Good Morning.....Friends.......Early today, have Doc's appointment...
I hope I can get done before the lights go off again....
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Sunrise the other day...
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That mouse is taking a heck of a chance..........

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Their checking out the bird, or is it the bird checking out the cats...

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Bed mates??

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Breakfast this morning?

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Ride em cowboy........

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Ride a real one....................................

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??????????

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She thought it was funny lookin..........

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♥♥♥

~~~ A farmer invited his city cousin up for a few days on the farm.
It was harvest season and he was awfully busy so he worried the cousin might become bored. Everything went well for a couple of days, but then the cousin began to act bored.
Thinking about this the farmer asked the cousin if he liked hunting.
The cousin replied he didn't know, he had never been hunting.
Can you shoot a gun, the farmer asked.
Well, yeah I've done that replied the cousin.
So the farmer told him to go up to the house, get his shotgun and some shells from the den and take his three hunting dogs out into the woods.
The cousin walked of into the woods.
A couple hours later, he came back by himself.
The farmer asked how it went.
The cousin said great, he got off a few good shots.
Then he asked the farmer, you wouldn't happen to have any more dogs, would you?

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~~~ A man and his wife, moved back home to West Virginia, from Ohio.
The husband had a wooden leg, and to insure it back in Ohio cost them$2000 per year!
When they arrived in West Virginia, they went to an insurance agency to see how much it would cost to insure his wooden leg.
The agent looked it up on the computer and said: '$39.
'The husband was shocked and asked why it was so cheap here in West Virginia to insure it because it cost him $2000 in Ohio!
The insurance agent turned his computer screen to the couple and said,'Well, here it is on the screen, it says: Any wooden structure, with a sprinkler system above it, is $39....
You just have to know how to describe it!'
(Those HILLBILLIES know how to "git'er done" don't they?)

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~~~ A friend who lost her mate several years ago developed a friendship with a man who had also lost his spouse.
They seemed a perfect match, and all their children agreed they should get married.
This was their invitation: Phil, Richard, Karen and Allison and Jonh, Matt and Steve request the honor of your presence at the marriage of their Mother and Father.
Because they are combining two households,they already have at least two of everything.
So please, no presents!
Reception and garage sale immediately following the ceremony.

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~~~ Cultivating the land near Mom's garden, my dad ran right over the cabbages she had planted.
My brother, John, burst into the house, exclaiming, "Mom,.... your sauerkraut is made!
Dad just drove over all of your cabbages."

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~~~ Hoping for a great day of sailing on my brother Terry's sailboat, we motored out from the mooring area.
After searching hours for a breeze, I noticed Terry intently looking shoreward.
"I have good news and I have bad news," he announced.
"The good news is we're sailing faster now than we have all day.
The bad news is we're going backward due to the tide and current."

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~~~ THE OWNER TOLD SAID TO HIS ADMINISTRATOR: "I just wanted to let you know, Wilson, that I'll be blaming you for everything until the computers are back up."

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~~~ One wedding cake designer I called said, 'We specialize in elaborate beautiful white flowers all over the cake.'
So I said, 'I should tell you, this is for two men.'
There was a slight pause and she said,.... 'I can put little baseball players all over it?'

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~~~ A lawyer in the midst of cross-examining a witness on a crucial but rather technical point noticed that a juror had dozed off.
The lawyer brought the sleeping juror to the attention of the judge, who barked, "Well, you wake him up!
After all,.... you put him to sleep!"

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~~~ Two-week vacations with four kids in a tent make you appreciate the serenity of the workplace.

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~~~ Our most basic instinct is not for survival but for family.
Most of us would give our own life for the survival of a family member, yet we lead our daily life too often as if we take our family for granted.

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~~~ My father-in-law was an airborne controller for Strategic Air Command.
Translation: He's the guy who decided which target to attack and how.
But my husband didn't quite know how to explain that to our six-year-old son.
Instead, he said that his father had flown in airplanes.
"Did he fly the planes?" our son asked.
"No"....
"So he was the one who handed out the pretzels?"
.

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Todays Thought: When you have a lot of things to do,...

get your nap out of the way first.

Good Morning......Well we're having a raining Sunday....
Just the day to just lay around with that special Lady.......
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Yesterdays picture..coming from the store....
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I noticed.....wow...did I....
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Watch it you just might get stuck........
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How about this boat?? Looks kinda funny.....

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Redneck camping?.........

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"A wildfire in Santa Barbara, California last month helped forge some unlikely bonds.

Rescued from the Jesusita Fire, a 3-week old bobcat kitten and 3 day old fawn became fast friends.

The animal rescue in California brought predator and prey together.

But these babies simply took comfort in each others’ company, snuggling under a desk at a dispatch office for hours."

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What can I say??

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We can always just ride off into the sunset..........

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Even she thinks this is a funny blog....

Oh, well, I'll take any reader I can get....

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♥♥♥

~~~ A small town doctor was famous in the area for always catching VERY large fish.
One day while he was on one of his frequent fishing trips he got a call that a woman at a neighboring farm was giving birth.
He rushed to her aid and delivered a healthy baby boy.
The farmer had nothing to weigh the baby with so the doc used his fishing scales.
The baby weighed 32 lb. 10 oz.

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~~~ I had obviously crossed some line while talking with Bobbie because suddenly she was steaming mad.
Without coming right out and asking what I'd said wrong, I tried a Dr. Phil trick:
"How could this conversation have gone better?"
She replied, "I could have had it with a different person."

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~~~ After weighing Taz's letter on the post office scale, he told her the envelope was too heavy and would require another stamp.
Confused, she asked, "But won't another stamp make it heavier?"

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~~~ The boyfriend said, "We're going to have a GREAT time Saturday.
I've got three tickets for the show."
"Why do we need three?" asked the girl.
"They're for your father, mother and kid sister," he replied.

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~~~ My young daughter loves to go to performances at the local high school, so when her brother was in a spelling bee, she happily came along.
But halfway through, she lost interest.
Leaning in to me, she whispered, "This is the most boring play I have ever seen."

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~~~ "When is feeding time at the zoo?"
"One o'clock. If you hurry, you can still get a bite."

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~~~ My wife is Mexican and we have this problem all the time.
Early on in our endeavours, she told me she loves jello.
So I went out and bought some flowers, lit a candle, put on some music and made cherry jello. She had this odd look on her face while we were eating and I asked what was wrong.
She said, why would you do all this for desert?
I said, because you told me you love jello.
She said, I do love jello, but this is red.

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~~~ From halfway across the store, I could hear a mother calling for her son: "Jimmy" Jimmy!" I turned a corner into another aisle and found a six-year-old by himself playing with some umbrellas.
"Are you Jimmy!" I asked.
"Yes I am".
"Didn't you hear your mother call?"
"Yes""Aren't you going to go to her?"
He shook his head.......
"She's not hysterical yet."

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~~~ As she prepared to go to school, my 17-year-old daughter asked to borrow a pair of my shorts.
Since she'd never asked to share my clothes before, I happily got her a pair.
"Why do you want them?" I asked.
She replied, "It's nerd day at school."

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~~~ Dear Son. Although we deeply love you, But.....Thank you for finally moving out.
I hope you took all of your stuff.
Please invite us over so we can.................
1. puke on your shoulder. (you did this to me when you were 4 days old, I will not forgive you.)(You never apologized)
2. scribble on your walls.
3. Loose your tools and use your chisel as a screw driver.
4. I probably won't eat what you serve me no matter how hard you worked to prepare it. Besides that, you were pretty great.
Good luck.
Hope to see you soon...... Love, Dad..

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~~~ A British tourist was asked what he thought of the Grand Canyon and he responded: 'gorge-ous'.

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~~~ Sherry said; One morning while a locksmith had come to change the locks in my house, I realized I had to run a few errands.
I turned to him, a sweet older man, and said I was heading out.
As I got to the front door, I noticed my sad-faced dog staring at me from the living room.
"I love you, sweet boy," I said.
"Now you be good. Okay?"
From the other room I heard a voice answer, "Okay."

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~~~ When the patient was wheeled into the delivery room, she told Taz, "I remember you from the last time I gave birth."
I was thrilled, especially since it had been a few years.
"Do you really remember me?" Taz asked, milking it.
"Yes. You're the nurse who ate all my candy."

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~~~ "Violet will be a good color for hair at just about the same time that brunette becomes a good color for flowers."
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Todays Thought: Support bacteria......
They're the only culture most people have.
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Good Morning.....everyone....great weekend coming up........
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Oh, My....don't do that.......
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Yep......

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Watch out!.........

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Peeking at you............

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You wanna be glad there are glass between you........

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I can't say too much.....I have done that!....................

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Now you see who posts these blogs..................

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They are the ones that say they don't read bills.......

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♥♥♥

~~~ Dr. Chesler was very tired so he got his wife to answer the phone by the bed, say he was out, and give advice which he whispered to her.
"Thank you very much, Mrs. Chesler" said the patient who called, "but I should like to ask you one thing. Is that gentleman who seems to be in bed with you fully qualified?"

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~~~ A woman describing her husband to a friend said, "He's the kind of guy who always hits the nail right on the thumb

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~~~ Our youngest son and his family were at our house, and he decided to call his brother. Picking up our new memory-feature telephone, he asked, "Do you have Arty in memory?"
"Of course," replied Gus " He's my oldest son, tall, thin, with red hair."

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~~~ The sermon this morning is "Jesus Walks on the Water."
The sermon tonight is "Searching for Jesus."

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~~~ Gus: My doctor advised me to exercise with dumbbells.
Pete: So?
Gus: Care to join me in the gym?

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~~~ As a restaurant owner, I hired a pianist and a harpist to entertain my customers.
After several performances, I discovered that the pianist had walked away with some of my valuables.
I notified police, who arrested her.
Desperate for another pianist, I called a friend who knew some musicians.
"What happened to the pianist you had?" he asked me.
"I had her arrested," I replied.
We said good-bye and hung up.
A few minutes later my friend called back and asked, "How badly did she play?"

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~~~ Doc: I'd like to take your appendix out tomorrow.
Gus: Well, okay, but make sure you get it home by eleven.

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~~~ As a young married couple, a husband and a wife lived in a cheap housing complex near the base where he was working.
Their chief complaint was that the walls were paper-thin and that they had no privacy.
This was painfully obvious when one morning the wife was upstairs and the husband was downstairs on the telephone.
He was interrupted by the doorbell and went to greet his neighbor.
"Give this to your wife," he said thrusting a roll of toilet paper into his hands......
"She's been yelling for it for 20 minutes!"

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~~~ Larry Hagman once purchased a Malibu home next to that of Burgess Meredith (whom he had known, and occasionally worked with, for some forty years).
When his alterations yielded a home two inches higher than planned, Meredith sued and, after a prolonged legal battle, lost.
Some time later, Meredith, originally a Shakespearean actor, fell upon hard times and was obliged to accept the embarrassing role of the Penguin on the campy hit television series "Batman".
Apprised that Meredith was planning a large party (to which he of course had not been invited), Hagman ordered fifty flags emblazoned with the Penguin's image.
Then, on the day of the party, he flew the flags above his home and waved to his livid neighbor's guests while a looped tape of the Penguin's trademark cries blasted from his windows.
(The men later made amends.)

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~~~ When a woman called 911 complaining of difficulty breathing, my husband, Glenn, and his partner, both EMTs rushed to her home.
Glenn placed a sensor on her finger to measure her pulse and blood oxygen.
Then he began to gather her information.
"What's your age?" he asked.
"Fifty-eight," answered the patient, eyeing the beeping device on her finger.
"What does that do?"
"It's a lie detector,"said Glenn with a straight face.
"Now, what did you say your age was?"
"Sixty seven," answered the woman sheepishly.

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~~~ The minute I entered the post office, the postmaster noticed the diamond earrings my husband had just given me.
"Those must be real diamonds," she said.
I was thrilled she'd noticed..... "Yes, they are.... How could you tell?"
"Because," she said, "no one buys fake diamonds that small."

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~~~ "Our memory was affected by various substances which shall remain nameless," CSNY's Graham Nash once confessed.
He wasn't kidding: "One morning I got up," David Crosby later recalled, "jumped in my Volkswagen bus, drove down to (Monkeys frontman) Peter Tork's house, got out, walked through the living room, and went and lay down by the pool...before I realized I hadn't put any clothes on."
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Todays Thought: Boys will be boys and so will a lot of middle-aged men.......
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