Down Hummingbird Lane

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☺☺

♥

 

I just poured superglue into a non-stick pan.
Someone's going to be wrong.

 

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New Joker looks like he has the Memento disease and
needs a bunch of tattoos to remind him he's the Joker.

 

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Caught my son smoking pot then my wife walked in
and caught me and our son smoking pot.
Anyways I'm grounded....

 

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Judge: "Have you anything to offer this court before I
pass sentence?"
Defendant: "No, your Honor, my lawyer took every penny."

 

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Judge: "Do you realize you are facing the electric chair?"
Defendant: "I don't mind facing it -
it's sitting down in it that that worries me."

 

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Don't kid yourself vegans.
If a cow got the chance he'd eat you and everyone
you know....

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I deserve an Oscar for acting like I can see a baby when
someone shows me an ultrasound pic..

 

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Judge: "Order in the court !"
Defendant: "Thank you, your honor.
I'll have a cheeseburger, fries and a chocolate shake."

 

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*Guy is rushed in on a stretcher*
DR: what happened?
EMT: we found him passed out & seizing during a
shrek marathon..
DR: WE'VE GOT AN OGREDOSE....

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Law Of The Perversity of Nature: You cannot successfully
determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

 

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[first day as Tour Guide in History Museum]
"And if you look over here you'll see a lot more really
old shit."

 

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