Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

High school kids, these awful years are going to end up
being the best years of your life.
That's how much everything else sucks.

 

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Back in my day, we didn’t have Twitter, Facebook, or even
the internet.
Guys would have to walk in the snow for miles to tell me
that I’m gay.

 

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Him: I'm sorry, can we start over?
Me: great idea! You introduce yourself,
and this time I'll keep walking.

 

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Instead of complaining that it’s hard to remove glitter,
accept it. Embrace it.
You are a shiny person now.

 

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Must be nice to get married and finally know who the
number one suspect in your murder case will be.

 

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Why do I post on the blog?
Well I was sick of only being hated by coworkers and family,
so I wanted to branch out.

 

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Whoever came up with "whoever smelt it dealt it" found
a clever way to pass the blame......

 

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I think we should elect Bernie.
When Isis hears a Jew is president they will all have
heart attacks and die.
 

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Here's another great thing about hot tubs
[pulls out a bowl of fully cooked ramen from under
the water]

 

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Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves,
in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves,
in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.

 

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A cemetery has raised it's charges blaming the
increase on the cost of living...

 

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