☺☺
♥
I sure talk a lot of crap for someone who can't spell
"Wednesday" without having to say "Wed-nes-day" in
my head.
"Wednesday" without having to say "Wed-nes-day" in
my head.
••
Starting to think the frog dissection skills I learned in
high school are never going to pay off.
high school are never going to pay off.
••
Bill & Hillary are in bed..
Hillary is wide-eyed one night, and starts poking Bill in
the back. "Wake up," she says.
Bill just turns over and groans.
Again, she pokes him the back and says, "Bill, wake up!"
"What do you want?" he grunts in a sleepy voice.
"I'm going to the bathroom," she says.
"You woke me up just to tell me your going to the
bathroom?"
"No," Hillary says. "I want you to save my place."
Hillary is wide-eyed one night, and starts poking Bill in
the back. "Wake up," she says.
Bill just turns over and groans.
Again, she pokes him the back and says, "Bill, wake up!"
"What do you want?" he grunts in a sleepy voice.
"I'm going to the bathroom," she says.
"You woke me up just to tell me your going to the
bathroom?"
"No," Hillary says. "I want you to save my place."
••
I generally avoid confrontation, but I'll be damned if I'm
going to let this serving size suggestion tell me how to live
my life.
going to let this serving size suggestion tell me how to live
my life.
••
[kisses daughter goodnight]
Sleep tight.
"Daddy, where do babies come from?"
Um, the Stork.
[stork knocks on bedroom window] He's lying......
Sleep tight.
"Daddy, where do babies come from?"
Um, the Stork.
[stork knocks on bedroom window] He's lying......
••
A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for holiday
dinner.
The first course was set in front of them and the
Jewish couple announced, "This is matzo ball soup."
On seeing the 2 large matzo balls in the soup, the Gentile
man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew.
Gently, the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man,
"Just have a taste.
If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
Finally he agrees.
He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of
matzo ball with some soup in the spoon, and
tasting it gingerly.
Liking it, he quickly finished the soup.
"That was delicious," he said.
"Can you eat any other parts of the matzo?"
A Jewish family invited their gentile neighbors for holiday
dinner.
The first course was set in front of them and the
Jewish couple announced, "This is matzo ball soup."
On seeing the 2 large matzo balls in the soup, the Gentile
man was hesitant to taste this strange looking brew.
Gently, the Jewish couple pressed the Gentile man,
"Just have a taste.
If you don't like it, you don't have to finish it."
Finally he agrees.
He digs his spoon in, first picking up a small piece of
matzo ball with some soup in the spoon, and
tasting it gingerly.
Liking it, he quickly finished the soup.
"That was delicious," he said.
"Can you eat any other parts of the matzo?"
••
You do know It is crazy easy to buy a birthday cake.
Even if it is no one's birthday.
They don't even check.
Even if it is no one's birthday.
They don't even check.
••
According to the most current magazine in my doctor's
office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.
office, every home in America will have a television by 1962.
••
A Twitter exchange between an angry customer and an
apologetic Domino’s Pizza:
Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no
Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread..
Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this!
Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the
pizza upside down......
apologetic Domino’s Pizza:
Customer: Yoooo I ordered a Pizza & Came with no
Toppings on it or anything, Its Just Bread..
Domino’s: We’re sorry to hear about this!
Customer (minutes later): Never mind, I opened the
pizza upside down......
••
A Muslim found the face of Allah in a tub of margarine.
His neighbor from Nepal saw it and said:
"I can't believe it's not Buddha.”
His neighbor from Nepal saw it and said:
"I can't believe it's not Buddha.”
••
In case you wondered what married life is like,
my wife is yelling at me for making her forget why
she was yelling at me.
my wife is yelling at me for making her forget why
she was yelling at me.
••••
