Down Hummingbird Lane

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"America is getting snow? How cute" -Canadians..

 

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"You are what you eat."
I'm about 90% burrito.....

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An ad for a hedge clipper that I had to read twice:
“A built-in safety switch prevents accidental starting,
and blades will stop when you take one hand off.”

 

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{Stalker Diary}
I think my neighbor is stalking me as she's been googling
my name on her computer.
I saw it through my telescope last night.

 

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just got thrown out of the hospital....l
After three days there, I took a turn for the nurse.

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Scene: Horseback-riding stable.
Mom: Those horses are awfully big for my daughter.
Me: Our horses are very sweet …
Mom: Don’t you have something smaller?
What about that one over there?
It’s the perfect size for her!
Me: Um … that’s a goat.

 

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IF I WIN THE LOTTERY, MY CATS ARE GETTING GOLD
TEETH AND CANOPY BEDS.....

 

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A lady posted her grandmother's brownie recipe,
so I tried making them.
Turns out her grandma was a terrible cook....

 

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If you were an auto insurer, would you have paid these
actual claims?
“In an attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole.”
“I didn’t think the speed limit applied after midnight.”
“The car in front hit the pedestrian, but he got up so
I hit him again.”

 

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Why did Yogi Bear only have a collar and a tie, and not
a full dress shirt?
*Patiently waits as you all Google pics of Yogi Bear*

 

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The good news about falling down the stairs is that my
Fitbit counted it as a mile walk.

 

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[ I start thinking about an imminent problem]

Hmm this
is unpleasant.
I better address this situation by not thinking about it
anymore.....

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