••
♥
The company CEO gives a few words of
personal appreciation each year at the holiday
party.
I got, "Oh, you're still here?"
personal appreciation each year at the holiday
party.
I got, "Oh, you're still here?"
••
Harold's wife bought a new line of expensive
cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years
younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying
the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling,
honestly, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Harold replied,
"Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair,
eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet."
cosmetics guaranteed to make her look years
younger.
After a lengthy sitting before the mirror applying
the "miracle" products, she asked, "Darling,
honestly, what age would you say I am?"
Looking over her carefully, Harold replied,
"Judging from your skin, twenty; your hair,
eighteen; and your figure, twenty five."
"Oh, you flatterer!" she gushed.
"Hey, wait a minute!" Harold interrupted.
"I haven't added them up yet."
••
At a Sunday school class the teacher asked
a child; do you pray to God before lunch or
dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good
cook!
At a Sunday school class the teacher asked
a child; do you pray to God before lunch or
dinner?
The child said, No ma'am, my moms a good
cook!
••
Now, that looks like a happily married couple.
Remarks the husband.
Don't be too sure, my Dear.
They are probable saying the same thing
about us.
Replied his wife.
Remarks the husband.
Don't be too sure, my Dear.
They are probable saying the same thing
about us.
Replied his wife.
••
An R-ville man said, "At my age, by the time I
find temptation, I'm too tired to give in to it."
find temptation, I'm too tired to give in to it."
••
I think my wife is selling drugs.
Yesterday I was late for work and the phone
rang.
I answered it but before I could say anything,
a male voice on the line said: "Hey honey,
is that dope gone yet?"
Yesterday I was late for work and the phone
rang.
I answered it but before I could say anything,
a male voice on the line said: "Hey honey,
is that dope gone yet?"
••
We were so poor when we were kids.
When we went to the park to see the ducks,
the ducks threw bread at us!
When we went to the park to see the ducks,
the ducks threw bread at us!
••
LAWYER....
Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until
the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
Q: Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person
dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until
the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
••
Q: This condition you have…
does it affect your memory at all?
Q: And in what ways does it affect your
memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget?
Can you give us an example of something that
you’ve forgotten?
does it affect your memory at all?
Q: And in what ways does it affect your
memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget?
Can you give us an example of something that
you’ve forgotten?
••
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel
mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly
about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he
went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up
in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it
again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the
third pew leaned toward her mother and
whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
The preacher was wired for sound with a lapel
mike, and as he preached, he moved briskly
about the platform, jerking the mike cord as he
went.
Then he moved to one side, getting wound up
in the cord and nearly tripping before jerking it
again.
After several circles and jerks, a little girl in the
third pew leaned toward her mother and
whispered, "If he gets loose, will he hurt us?"
.••••
