••
♥
"When I die, I want my tombstone to be a WiFi
hotspot......that way people visit more often."
••
If it's not working then use bacon.
If it still doesn't work then you're not using
enough bacon.
If it still doesn't work then you're not using
enough bacon.
••
OMG. Just found out I have SDF....
What's that?
Synchronous Diaphragmatic Flutter.
What the crap is that?
Hiccups.
What's that?
Synchronous Diaphragmatic Flutter.
What the crap is that?
Hiccups.
••
Gus brings a laser pointer to the Broadway
showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem....
showing of Cats and creates utter mayhem....
••
Someone explain why clothes are so expensive?
I should not have to pay this much to not be
naked.
People should pay ME to not be naked....
I should not have to pay this much to not be
naked.
People should pay ME to not be naked....
••
*buys shed at Lowes*
Lowes: Are you putting this up yourself?
Me: No, it's going in the garden.
Lowes:
Me:
Lowes: I can't help you anymore.
Lowes: Are you putting this up yourself?
Me: No, it's going in the garden.
Lowes:
Me:
Lowes: I can't help you anymore.
••
My girlfriend says I'm so rude Just because
I use my smart phone often with my middle finger.
I use my smart phone often with my middle finger.
••
"Quit mowing your lawn you heathen and go to
church!"
Me as I put in earplugs and go back to bed on
a Sunday morning.
church!"
Me as I put in earplugs and go back to bed on
a Sunday morning.
••
When you have the opportunity to become a
bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
When you have the opportunity to become a
bigger person, take it because cake is delicious.
••
I've discovered the best way to get attention
is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly.
I've discovered the best way to get attention
is to sit on the coffee table and meow loudly.
••
I dropped my bowl of SpaghettiOs and it
spelled 'oooooooo' on the floor.
Spooky......
spelled 'oooooooo' on the floor.
Spooky......
••••
