••
♥
Mary and Jane are old friends.
They have both been married to their husbands
for a long time;
Mary is upset because she thinks her husband
doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!"
Mary cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband
says I get more beautiful every day." replies
Jane.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
They have both been married to their husbands
for a long time;
Mary is upset because she thinks her husband
doesn't find her attractive anymore.
"As I get older he doesn't bother to look at me!"
Mary cries.
"I'm so sorry for you, as I get older my husband
says I get more beautiful every day." replies
Jane.
"Yes, but your husband's an antique dealer!"
••
"I knew a girl that was so ugly that...
I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was
the hair on her legs.
I bent down to pet her cat only to find that it was
the hair on her legs.
••
Maurice and Sadie are out eating in the
R-ville restaurant. Whilst Maurice is eating his
grilled steak and chips, the waiter comes over
to him and asks, "Is everything OK, sir?"
"Well," replies Maurice, "I asked for my steak
to be rare, and it was well done."
"Thank you sir," says the waiter,
"we always aim to please."
R-ville restaurant. Whilst Maurice is eating his
grilled steak and chips, the waiter comes over
to him and asks, "Is everything OK, sir?"
"Well," replies Maurice, "I asked for my steak
to be rare, and it was well done."
"Thank you sir," says the waiter,
"we always aim to please."
••
There is a very fine line between "hobby"
and "mental illness".
and "mental illness".
••
My mom's favorite part of my birthday is
describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old
waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
describing my birth in detail to an 18 year old
waitress who is just there to get our drink order.
••
The thing about the weather getting colder is
that it makes you think you want to date
someone when what you want is heavy socks...
The thing about the weather getting colder is
that it makes you think you want to date
someone when what you want is heavy socks...
••
Her: I can't cook because, I "believe" I can't
cook.
And you want to know what makes me believe
that?
Me: The arrival of the paramedics....
cook.
And you want to know what makes me believe
that?
Me: The arrival of the paramedics....
••
A pick pocket was up in court for a series of
petty crimes.
The judge said, "Sir, you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said, "Thanks, your
honor, however my client only has $75 on him
at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes
in the crowd..."
petty crimes.
The judge said, "Sir, you are hereby fined $100."
The lawyer stood up and said, "Thanks, your
honor, however my client only has $75 on him
at this time, but if you'd allow him a few minutes
in the crowd..."
••
"Damn girl, you look hot"
Really?
"Like a sexy little italian car"
DID YOU JUST CALL ME FIAT?!?
Really?
"Like a sexy little italian car"
DID YOU JUST CALL ME FIAT?!?
••
Wife: Did you hear Jack & Cindy got divorced
and he's dating someone half his age?
HUB: Yep. He's livin the dream
Wife:
HUB: His dream not mine..............
and he's dating someone half his age?
HUB: Yep. He's livin the dream
Wife:
HUB: His dream not mine..............
••
[Record Shop]
Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors?
Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits
clear in case of emergencies.
[Record Shop]
Me: Hi, have you got anything by the Doors?
Shopkeeper: No, we have to keep all exits
clear in case of emergencies.
••••
