Down Hummingbird Lane

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♥

I’m sitting next to a beautiful woman at a bar…
so now it’s only a matter of time before nothing
happens.

 

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 A Hotel guest calls the front desk and the clerk
answers, "May I help you?"
The man says, "Yes, I'm in room 858.
You need to send someone to my room
immediately.
I'm having an argument with my wife and she
says she's going to jump out the window."
The desk clerk says, "I'm sorry sir, but that's
a personal matter."
The man replies, "Listen you idiot.
The window won't open and that's a
maintenance matter."

 

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Well it is winter here again in the North and
with its return are all the warnings about
black ice and how dangerous it can be.
Don't you think its time to stop the ice profiling?
All ice matters.

 

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In culinary school, your dog eating your
homework is a pretty legitimate concern.

 

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Me: Heeeeyyyyyy Judy, good morning!
*scratches Judy's back, wiping off my Cheeto
fingers*
Judy: Hi!!! How are y.....
Me: *walks away*

 

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5-year-old: What are Nazis?
Me: Bad people who we killed a long,
long time ago..
5: Why were they bad?
Me: They kept correcting our grammar....

 

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A person can learn a lot from a dog;
Obedience, loyalty and the importance of
turning around three times before lying down.
 

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Hypnotists claim they can cure alcoholism
merely by implanting an idea in the drinker's
head.
It's a sobering thought.....

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Apparently, occupants aren't 8 legged pants
for octopi...
 

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The Bermuda Triangle used to be the Bermuda
Square, until Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked
one of the corners off. 

 

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