Down Hummingbird Lane

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Don't be fooled - orca whales are just penguins
set to widescreen 16:9 instead of the usual
4:3.

 

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Lady: he's so mysterious....
Lady2: I wonder what he's thinking.....
[Me, just wondering how easy it'd be to convert
a nerf gun to fire meatballs]

 

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Barber;What would you like today?
Me: Make me look attractive.
Barber: CAROL! CANCEL ALL MY
APPOINTMENTS!

 

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Woman: "I'm two months pregnant!
When will my baby move?"
 Doctor: "With any luck, right after he finishes
school."

 

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A German scientist from Argentina, after a
lengthy study, has discovered that people with
insufficient brain activity read their e-mails with
their hand on the mouse.
(Don't bother taking it off now, it's too late.)

 

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My friend is so bald, when he wears a
turtleneck he looks like a roll-on deodorant.

 

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They say to dance like no one is watching...
but everyone was very rude to me at my
mother-in-law's funeral.

 

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A truck driver was pulled over by a State
Trooper.
The patrolman told him to get out of the truck,
and noticed that the driver appeared to
be putting something in his mouth as he
stepped out of the cab.
Figuring that the driver was putting away his
pep pills, the patrolman asked "Did I just see
you swallow something?"
"Yep, that was my birth control pill," said the
driver.
"Birth control pill?" asked the patrolman.
"Yep, when I saw your light,
I knew I was screwed."

 

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That awkward moment when everyone decides
 to play Twister and you didn't shower.

 

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