Down Hummingbird Lane

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A young artist exhibits his work for the first time...
and a well known art critic is in attendance.
The critic says to the young artist, "would you
like my opinion on your work?"
"Yes, " says the artist.
"It's worthless," says the critic
The artist replies, "I know, but tell me anyway."

 

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News: Hillary won the debate!
My friends: Bernie won the debate!
Trump: I won the debate!
 Huckabee: Asian people eat dogs!

 

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HER: I like talking during sex, but I can't stand
it when you narrate the whole thing..
ME: As she complains, I begin removing my
pants slowly...

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[restaurant]
 *patpatpat*
 ME: you hear that?
 *patpat, PATPAT*
 DATE: what the......
 [penguin bolts out of kitchen with a fish]
 CHEF: SOMEBODY STOP HIM..

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Babysitting is a way for teenagers to feel like
adults while adults go out to feel like teenagers.

 

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The Shortest Books Ever Written....
Everything Men Know About Women
The Code of Ethics for Lawyers

Who's who in Puerto Rico
Americans' Guide to Etiquette
Royal Family's Guide to Good Marriages
Safe Places to Travel in the USA
Jerry Garcia's Guide to Beating Drug Addiction
Contraception by Pope John Paul II
Career Opportunities for Liberal Arts Majors
Cooking Gourmet Dishes With Tofu...

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HIM: Hi, I'm Bill.
 ME: Hi, I'm...oh shit this is embarrassing.
I'm not really good with names.

 

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A pastor was opening his mail one morning and
one envelope had only a single sheet of paper
with a single word printed on it: “FOOL!”
The following Sunday the priest announced,
“I have known many people who have written
letters and forgotten to sign their name.
But this week I received a letter from someone
who signed his name and had forgotten to write
a letter.”

 

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Paper beats rock, rock beats scissors, and
scissors beats paper, but Chuck Norris beats
all 3 at the same time.

 

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