Down Hummingbird Lane

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 According to the stores..
I should be in a Halloween costume,
sitting under a Christmas tree eating turkey.
I'm so confused.....

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Sometimes I drink water to surprise my liver...

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Bartender. Your wife will probably hit the ceiling
when you get home!
Drunk: I know..... she's a lousy shot.

 

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I'm at the age where "pop, lock, and drop" is
about my knee giving out instead of dance
moves...

 

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Wife: Honey, I just had the most wonderful visit
to my doctor!
Husband: Really? How so?
Wife: According to my height and my weight,
I'm not as old as I should be!

 

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A ten-year-old, under the tutelage of her
grandmother, was becoming knowledgeable
about the Bible.
But one day, she surprised her grandmother by
asking, "Which virgin was the mother of Jesus?
The Virgin Mary or the King James Virgin?"

 

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In Seattle, there's a code that states when two
people are walking towards each other, the one
with the bigger coffee cup passes first.

 

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Cashier: "Would you like to donate to charity
today or are you a giant piece of shit?"

 

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Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit
card that provides added security to protect
the $13.68 in my checking account.

 

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