••
♥
To the jogger clinging to the hood of my car:
That's why you run WITH the flow of traffic...
••
When I got home from my "business trip"
To my surprise my girlfriend and my computer
was gone!
I forgot to delete my web history.
When I got home from my "business trip"
To my surprise my girlfriend and my computer
was gone!
I forgot to delete my web history.
••
I bet giraffes don't even know what a fart smells
like..
like..
••
I just got home from work and found my wife
on a porn site.
I'm going to speak to her about it when she
gets home.
on a porn site.
I'm going to speak to her about it when she
gets home.
••
By the time you have the right answers,
no one is asking you questions.
no one is asking you questions.
••
You know your doctor is too old when you look
at the framed diploma on his wall and realize his
Hippocratic oath was signed by Hippocrates!
at the framed diploma on his wall and realize his
Hippocratic oath was signed by Hippocrates!
••
If you must choose between two evils,
pick the one you've never tried before.
pick the one you've never tried before.
••
By working faithfully eight hours a day you may
eventually get to work twelve hours a day...
eventually get to work twelve hours a day...
••
My doctor told me to start my exercise program
very gradually, so today I drove past the gym.
very gradually, so today I drove past the gym.
••
The average Apple employee works 6 hours
longer a day than an Apple battery.
longer a day than an Apple battery.
••
*Eats a Lean Cuisine......
*20 minutes go by.
*Devours entire Pizza Hut store...
*20 minutes go by.
*Devours entire Pizza Hut store...
••••
