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QUOTE OF THE DECADE;
“A liberal’s paradise would be a place where
everybody has guaranteed employment,
free comprehensive healthcare, free education,
free food, free housing, free clothing, free
utilities, and only law enforcement has guns.
And believe it or not, such a place does indeed
already exist: It's called Prison."
Sheriff Joe Arpaio
Maricopa County, Arizona
••
[A Dad about to give the birds & the bees talk]
"Son, when-"
*Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for
35 minutes*
"Know what, we're good"....
"Son, when-"
*Watches son try to poke a Capri Sun for
35 minutes*
"Know what, we're good"....
••
Overactive Bladder Hotline.......
Can you hold please?
Can you hold please?
••
President Roosevelt once rode his horse
100 miles.
Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in
half the time.
President Roosevelt once rode his horse
100 miles.
Chuck Norris carried his the same distance in
half the time.
••
“What special skills do you have?” a company
official asked a job applicant.
“Well, none, actually,” admitted the applicant.
We have several unskilled positions, but they’re
all filled right now by the president’s relatives.”
official asked a job applicant.
“Well, none, actually,” admitted the applicant.
We have several unskilled positions, but they’re
all filled right now by the president’s relatives.”
••
There is a story about a monastery perched high
on a cliff several hundred feet in the air.
The only way to reach the monastery was to be
suspended in a basket which was pulled to the
top by several monks who pulled and tugged
with all their strength.
Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that
basket was terrifying.
One tourist got exceedingly nervous about
half-way up as he noticed that the rope by
which he was suspended was old and frayed.
With trembling voice, he asked the monk who
was riding with him in the basket how often
they changed the rope.
The monk thought for a moment and answered
brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
The only way to reach the monastery was to be
suspended in a basket which was pulled to the
top by several monks who pulled and tugged
with all their strength.
Obviously the ride up the steep cliff in that
basket was terrifying.
One tourist got exceedingly nervous about
half-way up as he noticed that the rope by
which he was suspended was old and frayed.
With trembling voice, he asked the monk who
was riding with him in the basket how often
they changed the rope.
The monk thought for a moment and answered
brusquely, "Whenever it breaks."
••
A plumber has the worst job ever.
All his hard work and everyone just shits on it.
All his hard work and everyone just shits on it.
••
My neighbor had a garage sale last week.
Now he has to park on the street.
Now he has to park on the street.
••
Did you know that some people are very anal
about the brand of toilet paper they buy?
about the brand of toilet paper they buy?
••
ME: Man, I really should get glasses.
I'm blind as a--
BAT NEXT TO ME: blind as a what
ME: um
BAT: as a what
ME:
BAT: say it.....
I'm blind as a--
BAT NEXT TO ME: blind as a what
ME: um
BAT: as a what
ME:
BAT: say it.....
••••
