••
♥
An old-time pastor was riding furiously down the road,
hurrying to get to church on time.
Suddenly, his horse stumbled and threw him to the ground.
Lying in the dirt, his body wracked with pain, the pastor
called out, “All you angels in heaven, help me get up on
my horse!”
With extraordinary strength, he leaped onto the horse’s back—
and fell off the other side.
From the ground again, he called out, “All right, just half of
you angels this time!”
••
What does a blonde do when her laptop computer freezes?
She sticks it in the microwave!
She sticks it in the microwave!
••
What's the difference between gross ignorance and
monumental stupidity?
house of representatives and the senate...
monumental stupidity?
house of representatives and the senate...
••
Gross ignorance: 144 times worse than ordinary ignorance.
••
Job Applicant: "I'm looking for a job as a consultant."
Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough consultants."
Applicant: "That's ok, with my experience,
I can be an advisor."
Employer: "More than we can use already."
Applicant (As he is getting desperate): "I'm not proud,
I can do paperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many,
I'll start as a janitor."
Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings
for a person with your qualifications."
Applicant (As he stands up and angrily yells): "To work
for you I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double
dealing jerk!"
Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney,
have a seat, we may have an opening."
Employer: "I'm sorry, we already have enough consultants."
Applicant: "That's ok, with my experience,
I can be an advisor."
Employer: "More than we can use already."
Applicant (As he is getting desperate): "I'm not proud,
I can do paperwork, I'll be a clerk, If you have too many,
I'll start as a janitor."
Employer: "It just doesn't seem that we have any openings
for a person with your qualifications."
Applicant (As he stands up and angrily yells): "To work
for you I'd have to be a low life, belly crawling, double
dealing jerk!"
Employer: "Well, you didn't say you were an attorney,
have a seat, we may have an opening."
••
Echo: The only thing that can cheat a woman out of
the last word.
the last word.
••
Telescopes use mirrors…
which means there’s absolutely no way to know how many
vampires there are in space.
which means there’s absolutely no way to know how many
vampires there are in space.
••
Why won't blondes take their iPhones to the bathroom?
Because they don't want to give away their IP address!
Because they don't want to give away their IP address!
••
Blood is thicker than water.
Maple syrup is thicker than blood…so pancakes are more
important than family. There, I said it.
Maple syrup is thicker than blood…so pancakes are more
important than family. There, I said it.
••
Not to brag but… according to this food package I just ate
enough fancy cashews to serve 638 people.
enough fancy cashews to serve 638 people.
♦♦♦♦
