••
♥
A man in a hurry taking his eight-year-old son to
school, made a turn at a red light where it was
prohibited.
"Uh-oh, I think I just made an illegal turn!" the
man said.
"It's okay, Dad," the boy said, "The police car
right behind us did the same thing."
••
yesterday at the mall a woman asked for my
opinion between two men's shirts and
immediately went to check out with the one i
didn't choose...
opinion between two men's shirts and
immediately went to check out with the one i
didn't choose...
••
'Get me a vodka tonic!'
'Mother, it's nine in the morning.'
(pause)
'And a piece of toast.'
'Get me a vodka tonic!'
'Mother, it's nine in the morning.'
(pause)
'And a piece of toast.'
••
There was an inebriated driver who was pulled
up by the police.
When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought
the steering had gone."
up by the police.
When the cop opened the door, the driver fell out.
"YOU'RE DRUNK!" exclaimed the police officer.
"Thank God for that!" said the drunk, "I thought
the steering had gone."
••
Did You know; Elvis Presley flew to Denver and back one
night just to pick up a Fool's Gold Loaf: an 8,000 calorie
sandwich made from a hollowed out loaf filled with an
entire jar of peanut butter, one jar of jelly, and a pound of
bacon.?
night just to pick up a Fool's Gold Loaf: an 8,000 calorie
sandwich made from a hollowed out loaf filled with an
entire jar of peanut butter, one jar of jelly, and a pound of
bacon.?
••
My parents never allowed violent video games.
Just family-friendly board games with questions like
"Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
Just family-friendly board games with questions like
"Who murdered this guy with a pipe?"
••
Policeman to Blonde: What gear were you in at the
moment of the impact?
Blonde: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
moment of the impact?
Blonde: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
••
Patti: You were right, Doctor, when you said
you'd have me on my feet and walking around
in no time.
Doctor: I'm happy to hear it.
When did you start walking?
Patti: Right after I sold my car to pay your bill.
you'd have me on my feet and walking around
in no time.
Doctor: I'm happy to hear it.
When did you start walking?
Patti: Right after I sold my car to pay your bill.
••
Single and divorced men in their 40's
prefer women at their own maturity level.
That explains why they date women half their age.
prefer women at their own maturity level.
That explains why they date women half their age.
••
[ first date ]
Me. Do you take drugs?
Him. I never touch them.
Me. Perfect. Can I have a urine sample?
Me. Do you take drugs?
Him. I never touch them.
Me. Perfect. Can I have a urine sample?
••
[job interview]
What's ur greatest strength?
"I wear too much cologne"
No, I mean-
"A lady passed out when I got in the elevator"
What's ur greatest strength?
"I wear too much cologne"
No, I mean-
"A lady passed out when I got in the elevator"
••••
