Down Hummingbird Lane

••

 

••

♥

It takes a car 30 years to become vintage.
It takes a phone 30 days.
••
Calm down penguins.
You're just a flashy suit and a few body parts
away from being a platypus.

 

•• 

I hate when I shape my hand like a phone to tell
someone to call me, but they're in their 20s
and don't know what phones used to look like.

 

•• 

I was standing at a urinal taking a pee when I
realized standing to my left was Muhammad ali
and to my right was Michael J. Fox...
bad day to wear sandals.

 

••

Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way
to make sure you are removing a weed and not
a valuable plant is to pull on it.
If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a
valuable plant.

 

••

You read about all these terrorists — most of
them came here legally, but they hung around on
these expired visas, some for as long as
10 -15 years.
Now, compare that to Blockbuster; you are two
days late with a video and those people are all
over you.
Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration…

 

••

A man who suffered from impotence went to
see a doctor.
The doctor gave him a revolutionary new
injection made from monkey glands, which
worked perfectly.
Nine months and two weeks later, his wife had
a baby.
When the nurse came out of the delivery room
with the news, he asked, "Is it a boy or a girl?"
"We won't know until we can get it down off
the chandelier."

 

••

I just made 20 bucks!
I redeemed 40,000 coupons valued at 1/20 of
a cent each...

 

••

Came downstairs to watch the game and the
channel had changed.
Looked at the dog, he looked back, then slowly
slid his paw off the remote.

 

••

One day Dan asks Bob, "So Bob what did you
get for Christmas?"
Then Bob says to Dan, "Oh see that brand new
red Ferrari outside?"
Dan says, "OOOOH WOW!!!"
Bob says, "Ya, I got the same exact color tie!"

 

••

Wife said; I value my husband's opinion....
till it differs from mine. Lol...

••••