••
♥
A new device modeled after the Keurig coffee machine has
been developed that makes instant Jell-O shots.
“Where have you been all my life?” said Bill Cosby.
••
There is a new problem now.....
GLOBAL FREEZING.
GLOBAL WARMING IS DEAD
CLIMATE CHANGE IS DEAD
Next problem is... drum roll please....
GLOBAL NOTHING...
(They will figure how to tax that too..)
••
WHEN I WAS A KID, I wanted to be older.....
this CRAP is not what I expected..
••
Inside every older person is a younger person......
wondering what the hell happened..
••
She’s wound up tighter than the girdle of a
baptist minister’s wife at an all-you-can-eat
pancake breakfast.
••
Her ass was so big, it looked like two Buicks
fighting for a parking place.
••
She’s uglier than a bucket full of armpits.
Bless her heart.
••
A French couple were touring America , one
week they were in the Kansas City stock yard
district , knowing that the best steak houses
were there they stopped at one .
After a few drinks they were ready to order hors
d' oeuvres, looking over the menu the lady asked
what the bull fries were, the waiter explained
they were fried bull testicles , oh she said I don't
think I would like that and kept looking , all of
a sudden she gets up grabs the husband by the
arm and runs out of the place ,outside the
husband all shocked said , dear whats wrong,
she says they have French fries in there !
••
*Forgot to pay his brain bill..
*Her antenna doesn't pick up all the channels..
*His belt doesn't go through all the loops..
*If he had another brain, it would be lonely..
*No grain in the silo..
*Proof that evolution can go in reverse..
*Receiver is off the hook..
*Several nuts short of a full pouch..
*He fell out of the stupid tree and hit every
branch on the way down..
••
The secret to sustaining a happy marriage is to
keep the mystery alive.
So tonight I decided to clean something
unexpectedly.
••
PEOPLE TOLD ME To follow my dreams......
so I went back to bed..
••••
